YEJI
I look like shit.
I woke up with the comforter around my body on my room. Last night was a whole mess. Especially the part where I confronted Ryujin with what I feel.
Did I regret it? Maybe.
I was afraid of showing her my vulnerable side yet I did last night.
I don't remember anything from last night after my conversation with Ryujin. Maybe because I was too drunk. Am I? Looks like I passed out.
A phone call from my phone surprised me but I answered it nonetheless.
"Hello?"
"Are you going to work?" It's Woohyun. "Should I go pick you up?"
"I'm not going to work." I answered. I wasn't feeling well and the headache I'm feeling feels like hell.
"Are you okay? Should I go there?"
Sometimes, when he acts like this, I don't feel so comfortable. I know he cares but, yeah. Even though I made it clear to him since the very beginning, sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like he's being too much into courting and acting like we're in a relationship. I just don't know if it's right to feel this because he's not doing anything wrong? But, still, after trying and going on a few dates with him in the start, I already made it clear that I cannot offer anything other than being friends.
"Nope. No need, Woohyun. I'm fine."
"Call me when you need something."
I didn't really had the energy to talk so we ended our call after some more words exchanged.
I stayed in bed for a while until I received a text from Lia.
Lia
Are you awake?
You passed out last night and Ryujin brought you home
Is she still there?
Yeji
I'm awake
What do you mean?
Lia
Sorry. She insisted on taking you home
-
I got up from my bed and peek outside from the door of my room.
And there I saw Ryujin in the couch, sleeping. There was a book on her lap, looks like she was reading it while waiting for me to wake up.
I closed the door for a while since what's happening was not sinking in on my mind. She's here in my place.
In our place? I don't know what to call it but it's not important. How do I show her myself after last night? Fuck. After the confrontation-
Wait.
Fuck. Wait.
As I look blankly in front of me, I gradually recall the events of the previous night.
From the moment she carried me on her back.
From the moment I told her to stay.
From the moment I told her I love her.
From the moment.. I initiated the kiss. And the way she responded.
Everything.
Dumb.
I want to shout. Fuck.
How do I even get out of my room when she's there outside?
Should I act like nothing happen?
Tell her to get out of here? That's rude. I may hate her for what she did, but my heart will break if I see her hurting.
Forget it. Whatever.
I fixed myself before going outside and when I did, I noticed that there was already food in the table prepared for two people.
Kimchi rice and coffee that's obviously not hot anymore.
I quietly approached Ryujin, who was sleeping at the couch and sat down beside her leaving a little distance between us. I stared at her for a while, admiring her.
I may be furious with her and despise her for what she did, but that doesn't change the fact that I still care for her.
I love her. I still do.
She's still so pretty. Though, her face kinda matured, she still looks like a baby.
If I could just stare at her face forever, I will.
While staring at her, her eyes slowly opened and it made me startled so I grabbed the book on her lap and pretended to read it.
Please don't be awake yet.
Please don't be awake yet.
Please don't be awake yet.
"You do realize the book you're reading is upside down?" I heard.
Dumb Yeji.
"Anyway, let's eat." She said and put the book down that was covering my face and held my wrist going to the dining table.
"You don't have much food in here so I just made this since it's the only food I could make with the ingredients at your refrigerator." She said as we sat down in front of each other.
We started eating without a word being spoke by any. I don't know if she's acting again like nothing serious happened last night.
"I'll leave after eating if you're not comfortable with me here." Ryujin said as she broke the silence between us.
I'm not telling her to leave though.
I actually.. want her to stay here.
But,
I should not let my guard down and let her in again on my life acting normal just because the confrontation, the kiss, and other events that occurred last night.
"Okay."
We continued eating neither of us talking.
It was honestly quite awkward especially when we used to lived together before, eat our meals together while sharing stories to each other.
Basically, it was something a married couple will do.
We used to be so comfortable around each other but here we are now, eating meals with an awkward atmosphere.
I couldn't take it anymore so I was the one who broke the silence.
"Thanks for bringing me home last night."
She just smiled and nodded.
Why is she so quiet?
Is she really acting like nothing happened?
"I tried making kimchi fried rice every time I go here." I said. What am I even saying.
"You don't live here anymore?"
"Nope." I said and shook my head, implying a no answer. "It was lonely. Without you here." I honestly answered.
I shouldn't have said that. It kinda made the atmosphere awkward.
"Anyway, your version will always be my favorite. I cannot do it like how you cook it." I said.
She chuckled. "I don't know if I cooked it the way you like it since I don't really cook anything like this anymore."
"It's still delicious."
"Thanks."
Again, awkward silence.
When Ryujin finished eating, she quickly put the dishes in the sink and went into the kitchen to get two glasses, where she filled the two glasses with water and placed the other one on the table for me while she drank the other.
"Is your head aching?"
"Kinda."
She went to the refrigerator, opened it, and placed it in front of me.
It was a medicine.
"I bought this earlier. Drink this and take a rest." Ryujin instructed. "I'll just wash the dishes and go."
Fuck this. I'm tired of this push and pull set up where we pretend to not care with each other.
"Are we really going to pretend nothing happened last night?"
Silence.
She stayed silent so I once again speak.
"The confrontation? The kiss? The way you leaned close before going out of my room telling me you love me?"
"You.. remember."
"I do." I uttered. "And I hate how you act right now. I hate you for not asking. I hate you for not opening up what happened." I said. "I hate how you keep things to yourself. I hate how you never tell me things and deal with it by yourself."
"Yeji.."
"And you know what I hate too?"
She looked at me. She was actually standing in front of me while I'm still sitting at the chair on the dining table.
"I hate myself." I told her honestly. "Because even if you're gone for two years without a word, even if it'll actually take you more years, I will still wait. I know I will." I said. "The moment I saw you here after those years, my heart was still happy." I uttered not noticing a tear was slowly falling from my eyes. "Can you please speak, Ryujin?"
"Next week, Saturday."
"What?"
"Let's see each other at the place where we view the beautiful city lights. Our comfort place." She said. "Next week. Let me just deal with some things first and I will explain everything to you."