YEJI
I couldn't believe it and was arguing with myself whether it was just another illusion brought on by my longing for her. But then, when she took a step forward, that's when I realize it's real. She's here.
She was about to take a step forward, but I'm not sure why. Everything in me became weak and I took a step backward without even realizing it.
"Yeji.."
I can't look at her. Most especially, her eyes.
To be honest, I was stunned and I don't know if it's in a bad way or good way but I'm sure it doesn't feel so right.
There's something inside me that was mad.
I'm relieved that she's in front of me.
But the feeling wasn't what I expected it to be.
Happy? Maybe, but not so.
Angry? Maybe? I also do not know.
It's funny how earlier my thoughts were full of sadness about missing her but seeing her in front of me right now gave me a roller coaster of emotions in a snap.
I can't seem to figure it out.
"I'm sorry.." She uttered but she was stuttering.
Again, I didn't know but I laughed sarcastically.
What is she even sorry for?
With my actions that showed weakness, I felt how Ryujin slowly step towards me.
"Don't."
But knowing Ryujin, she was stubborn. She still tried to come close.
"Can you.. can you please give me time first? Alone?"
"Sorry.."
I know she mean it. I felt the sincerity.
"For?"
She did not answer. She looked down, can't bring herself to speak with my sudden reply.
"Do me a favor and please give me some time alone first." I managed to say.
My heart was aching despite seeing the person I love after two years without communication.
With what I said, she didn't speak any more words. Instead, she took a small paper and wrote something on it.
"Here's my number.. if you want to talk or anything.." She said and placed the small paper beside me. "Can I come close?"
I didn't answer. I can't even look at her.
"Just once.." She pleaded but I still didn't gave her an answer or a nod.
I didn't decline, so she moved forward carefully, trying to figure out if I was going to stop her. And, of course, despite my conflicted emotions right now, there was still a longing for her inside of me.
She cupped my face with trembling hands just like mine and planted a kiss on my forehead, and as I closed my eyes when she did it, a tear fell from my eyes, and I couldn't hold the lump in my throat any longer.
"I'm really sorry." She said as she walked away with tears in her eyes that she tried to wipe away.
My knees weakened after she left, leading me to collapse and fall. That's when the tears I'd been attempting to hold back began to flow uncontrollably.
After a long time of crying, I settled on the living room and was spacing out. It was already night time and I texted Woohyun to leave already since I'll stay here.
I was hurt.
I really thought when I see her, everything will go back to normal. Like what it used to be before.
Until this moment happened and I breakdown.
Maybe Ryujin's return wasn't the only thing that could restore everything to its previous state. Or maybe it can't even bring it back.
Perhaps, when she left, there was something broken inside me.
There was a pain in me asking 'why?'
Perhaps the longing was stronger in the past two years, but when I saw her earlier, I felt hurt. The sadness was there. The loneliness.
I wasn't with her, I'm sure of that. Who knows, perhaps she was lonely as well.
But she wasn't with me too. Two years passed by like a snap but not even a trace of her was seen.
And a lot has changed.
Truth be told, that change was too many to mention that I'm honestly scared right now.
I called Lia to come over and of course, it's a two-in-one deal with her because she was with Chaeryeong. It wasn't a problem of course.
When they arrived, I eventually told them what just happened earlier this morning and neither of them was aware about Ryujin coming back. Even Chaeryeong, who was her best friend.
"Isn't that what you've been waiting for in the past years? For her to come back?" Lia asked me.
"Yes, I know. But.. I just happened to react that way earlier. Everything in me became weak and I'm hurt." I told her.
Both remained quiet waiting for me to continue.
"She's finally here, yes. She even gave me her number. But a lot has changed. We had no communication, no updates about her, nothing.. it's all nothing. Then suddenly she'll show up.. I don't know. I just breakdown."
"With change, does that include Woohyun?" Chaeryeong asked and it made me think for a while before replying.
"Yes?" I said.
"Are you two together?"
"No." I immediately denied. "We're friends. But he's courting me.. I actually made it clear to him from the very start that friendship is all that I could offer. But he's persistent. He said that it's okay, he doesn't expect anything in return."
"But he shows to you that he likes you?" Lia asked.
"I'm not stupid. I can tell with his actions."
"That actually sucks." Lia blurted out.
"Huh?"
"I mean, basically, you already rejected him, didn't you?" She asked and I nodded. "But what would it say about you if you've already found someone you like?"
Well, right. But, we're friends.
"He's a good guy. We're friends."
"Being a good guy doesn't mean he won't put any blame on you when that time comes." Lia continued. "I have nothing against him. I'm just afraid of the situation, because, look. Now, that Ryujin's back, I'm not saying you'll get together with her-"
"Did they even broke up?" Chaeryeong uttered.
"I'm talking." Lia warned.
"Sorry, babe."
"So what I'm saying is, even if you rejected Woohyun, you think you're still responsible with him."
I didn't understand Lia. "What do you mean?"
"Like, right now, let's say he's part of that change. Well, of course, not entirely because there was also pain, sadness, and longing that made you mad but then when it comes to Woohyun, you feel like you can't just dump him. It's like your conscience will eat you."
"But it's his choice. I didn't asked him to do the things he's doing." I countered.
"But you feel like you're responsible for it, don't you?"
I didn't have the courage to answer.
Because to be completely honest, yes. I don't want to hurt him even though I don't see him in any romantic way.
"See?" Lia uttered.
"Enough of Woohyun. I'm curious about something." Chaeryeong said. "Did you two broke up? Ryujin and you."
"You know the answer." I told her. "She just left without words. No closure. So how am I going to know if we broke up?"
"So you're still together?" Lia asked.
"I can't answer that too. Are we? Honestly, it's more realistic if no is the answer. How can I say she's my girlfriend if we didn't talk for two years? Who knows? She might already have someone."
"You're.. mad." Chaeryeong said.
Am I?
Before, I will straight up answer no. That maybe the fire burning up inside me was all longing. But then when I saw her earlier, there was pain, sadness, and yes, madness in me that I couldn't deny anymore.
Because where had she been during those two years of pain and missing her?
"I am."
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what will you do or feel if someone ghosted you? /gen