"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined."
It had been a week, to lie and say I had changed any from the first day it happened would be a lie. I would wake up a considerate amount of times throughout the day, a sob would break my chest, Quil was always there to catch me.
I barely ate, Quil would try and shove plates in my face earning a glare to back off. I had a few visits, but Quil would be the one to speak and I just listen.
Quil would talk a lot, telling me anything no matter how stupid or uninteresting to keep maybe himself sane. I'd give him a little mumble, a groan if I was trying to sleep when he told it.
"I'm going into work today Claire." He mumbles into my skin. My eyes open, the sunlight bothering them immediately.
"Until I'm off, Emily will be up here to keep check on you." I let out a huff, telling him silently that I hated the idea of him leaving me. I knew though, I couldn't be anymore selfish than I already was. I lean up, making eye contact with him.
"Okay." I mumble. He frowns, he was frowning a lot here lately. I hated it, how he had to drop everything to care for me. At the same time, I could give one crap because he was all I needed.
"I'm going to leave in 5 minutes." He mumbles at he moves his head into the crook of my neck. I hummed back at him as we drew closer. He lit me up when he did this, making my brain go from wrecked to almost normal.
5 minutes felt like 2 seconds when he forced himself up out of the bed. Once he's out of the room, I stay in my same position suddenly the bed too big for me.
"Hey Fireheart." I hear but don't lift my head, I know it's Effie.
"I wanted to see if I could get some words out of you." She quipped.
"Quil won't tell you how worried everyone is, but I thought I might to let you know just how many people are here. Waiting for you to get better." I couldn't help the scoff leave my throat from her words.
I honestly couldn't see the day where I felt better.
"Emily's been a cleaning mess, while we got Brady and Colin getting on Jake's nerves with how much they ask about you. We told most of them to give you some space, knowing you just needed Quil right now." My head shoots up at the accusation.
"I don't need Quil." She looks surprised but laughs.
"Still so defiant on that subject huh?" I ignore her.
"You know feel how you feel, but when I lost my grandfather, the first year I moved here, I wanted to push everyone away. But there was that one person I couldn't get to budge, that was Jacob."
I wouldn't give her the time to go in the direction she was going with it.
"Well if you want anything, books seem to pass the long days for me."
Blake loved reading, I never took much interest in it. But neither did I with painting before he came along. The thought darkened my heart. I nodded.
"If you got some Hemingway that'd be nice." I mumbled.
That was the last thing he was into, reading it to me his favorite lines. Memories I can hardly know specifically. Ones I wish I could only have.
Effie brought the books, I grabbed 'To Have and To Have Not' first, it only seemed fitting.
It was alright, it told the story of a man who was just as poor as the people and the alcohol he was smuggling to make money.
Quil made his way into the room around 6, I was already tired from staying up consistently through the day, but I didn't plan on sleeping till I finished this book.
"What are you reading?" He asks, humor laced in his tone. I'm sure it was because I always seemed to reject any kind of book my entire life.
"A book about an asshole." A surprised laugh falls from his throat. He kicks off his shoes, sliding under the covers beside me. Leaning against the headboard I made no acknowledgement of him even there.
"So what's the asshole doing?"
"So he's smuggling these Chinese immigrants for profit, basically telling a story of someone who's just as poor helping the people who have instead of the people who have not." I say shrugging. I was just following along piecing the weird words together.
"Asshole." He agrees and I look over at him grinning finally. He looked tired, the first time truly looking to see him.
"You eat today?" I asked going back to my book.
"Did you?" He fired back. He probably knew I didn't, I still couldn't hold enough an appetite for it.
"You wanna rest some?" I frown shaking my head.
"Gotta finish this."
In fact I did finish it by the next hour, making sure to skim over each piece of it. Deciding on tomorrow's book as I look over at Quil's snoozing form.
I decided to move down beside him, watching him as creepily as possible as his body moved slowly up and down with each breath.
He seemed peaceful, way more peaceful than I was when I slept. I closed my eyes, trying to find some peace he was getting.
But all I seemed to think about, was the fact that Blake while he was alive. He wasn't loved, he wasn't accepted as much as he should have been.
It sickened me, that just because of his species he was treated like some monster. While wolves, they're treasured, accepted here on the reservation.
Just as my thoughts begin to unravel Quil moves his arm around me. I'm completely sickened at myself, loving, I mean completely satisfied with someone's arms around me who hated him so much.
Fire, fire that hadn't been there in a week begins to burn. Suddenly I'm moving up, fighting his arm off as I did.
"Get out." I spit as soon as he leans to check what's wrong. He reaches for me but I'm swatting his hand away.
"Claire, what happened? What's wrong?" He thinks it was something else that's bothering me, it's him.
"Leave, I don't want you here." I say coldly. He doesn't budge.
"I'm not leaving you." I scoff.
"Then go downstairs! I don't want you here!"
"Why?! What happened?" He kept pressing and pressing.
"You hated him, you hated him!" I shove at his chest and he's up. His breaths ragged, and he doesn't put anymore fight into has he walks out the door.
I catch my own breath, laying back against the headboard. I couldn't explain the awful feeling I had for doing that. Even though my mind told me I had every right.
I close my eyes, I could do this on my own. I didn't need him, I didn't need anyone.
That goes to hell as the hours that passed by and I'm wide awake. So upset at myself, for the way I reacted to it. A sob leaves my chest, I don't even know why I'm crying anymore at this point. But I know it's because of the man I just yelled at.
Torn between thinking he deserves it and needing him to be near me. I go with a weakness and make my way downstairs. I hoped he didn't leave, hoped he was right there in the living room.
I was right, there he laid in the almost complete darkness. I didn't know what to do, maybe I should go back upstairs. I turn to walk away but my name is mumbled out.
I look back and he's awake, looking at me in concern. I don't say anything as I run into his arms, going right on his lap as hug him tightly.
There's no 'sorry' passed between us, I didn't even give him that and he still cushioned me in between him and the couch. Pulling up the cover over me, his warm breath fans my face.
I'm almost back to sleep, his arms exactly what I needed. He whispers, barely hearing it if his voice wasn't so deep.
"I need you too."
I tried journaling. Sitting in my room putting down the next book I was on, 'A Farewell To Arms'.
I hadn't done this since I was 14, everything I did alone in my room seemed to disappear when my mother died. Instead I'd find stuff to do at either Colin or Brady's.
I wrote about him a lot, about how much I didn't deserve him. About what could have been for him.
I imagined him, showing up around the world telling the world about what each of his painting meant. I mean they were so beautiful and no one ever seen them except me.
I went to sleep soon after 12, waking up to a gush of cold wind. I gasp in surprise as I see I'm in the middle of two boys in a truck, with shit eating grins on their faces.
"Wakey, wakey." Brady says from behind the wheel. I look down at my sweatpants and long sleeve with socks I was wearing. I look at them like their crazy.
"We kind of kidnapped you from your house." I snort.
"Clearly!" I yell.
"You won't leave your room Claire we had too." Colin whined. Their was no way he was whining right now when he had me in a vehicle.
It's not too long before we're pulling into somewhere. I realize it's the parking for the beach. I grab at the seatbelt for dear life as Colin and Brady pull me out of the car. The cold wind hitting me and the only thing keeping me warm was Colin's chest.
"Put me down!" I screamed. They were crazy, they were fricken insane right now.
"You need this Claire." I scream bloody murder as they so ungently throw me into the ocean. The ocean, in the middle of a single digit winter.
I stand up, shaking as they study me. I can't describe the wake up feeling I get from it though. They get me out as soon as they put me in, hauling me right back up into the truck.
"What was-s the point-t?" I ask my teeth chattering.
"Remember when your mom died?" Brady asks stupidly and I look at him.
"We took you down to the beach threw you in, made you all better." My teeth won't quite chattering. Better? These boys were insane but I could maybe see where they were coming from.
"Maybe we shouldn't have done it Colin." Brady says suddenly. I laugh, like big embarrassing laugh bellowing out of my chest. This draws their attention as their suddenly laughing too with me.
"Oh shit." Brady slams on the brakes. I look to see what he means but it's a wolf baring it's teeth at us, daring us to move. I let out a giggle.
"You guys are dead."
The door swings over as Quil let's out a growl, Colin picks me up as he trades me seats, practically using me as a shield. I laugh again, God I felt manic.
"Want to tell me what the fuck your doing with my imprint?" Quil cussed. I stare flabbergasted, Quil doesn't cuss. Making me laugh yet again, catching his burning eyes to turn from the boys to me.
He hops in, hoisting me up on his lap. Pulling me extremely close to him.
"She's goddamn wet in single digit weather?!" He growls out again. I knew he was mad, angrier than hell but I was too busy laughing at how much he seemed to want to curse right now. This catches him looking at me.
"What's funny?" I look to the grinning boys.
"Quil you don't cuss." He rolls his eyes, puffing out air as he pulls my head down forcing my face into his chest.
Once we pull into the driveway, he's hauling me away from the boys. I shoot them a wave over their shoulders. "Thank you!" I shout.
I was thankful, very thankful they decided to kidnap me from my own personal hell.
Quil carrying me inside was a sight to see, him not saying anything but a grunt to Emily was even more interesting. Quil was respectful, calm, but right now he seemed slightly unhinged. I liked it.
He sits me on the bed while going into the bathroom, running water is heard and I understand that he's running me a bath. I lay back on the bed, my body freezing still but my mind finding pleasure in the feeling.
He comes back out, moving his thumb for me to move into the bathroom. I raise a brow but get up none the less, closing the door I strip out of the wet clothes.
It's warm, really fricken warm when I get in the water the only sound I hear. It's like it produced numbness by how cold it was and that was slowly disappearing.
I don't know why this kept happening, but a mangled sob broke from my chest as reality kept setting back in. I lay my head on my knees, completely and utterly broken.
I didn't even hear the door swing open, until the warm hands grabbed my face.
Quil's POV:
I was, completely, on edge right now. I was pissed at those little boys for acting so stupid with her. I was pissed at Emily for letting them take her. The possibilities of what could happen to her while I'm gone are endless.
I mean it was Claire, not the normal warm and sassy Claire. She was always cold, always quiet and completely unhinged from the world.
I would talk to her, talk her head off just to try and get a conversation going but it never did any good. What I did notice however, was when I held her. I got her fully when I was holding her and I reminded myself just how important touch was for her.
Whatever she couldn't, what she wouldn't say her hands on me told me exactly what it was. That led to us over the past couple days the confusing mess we always seemed to be.
So when I heard her cries from the tub, I didn't think before barging in. Completely trying to ignore her being naked, I look right at her beautiful sobbing face.
Her skins soft as I grab ahold of her, rubbing the side of her face. I know I got to take care of her, for now and the rest of my life.
I pick up a sponge, running in under the water and then bringing it up to squeeze into her hair. I do this as many times it takes while she sits there sobbing it out.
I reach up for the towel, lifting her up and wrapping her up in it. I look down at her big doe eyes and she's giving me a look I didn't think I'd ever get from her again. Love. Lust.
My mouth devours hers. The whole worlds on fire as she moves her lips with mines. The action quick and needy for us. I move her up on the counter, the towel going lose but she doesn't seem to notice.
A growl escapes me and I move back looking into her eyes, she's confused, I see it. But she moves right back to me, controlling me as she devours me up. My hands move from her shoulders, right down palming her breasts. She gasps, a pleasure filled one and I'm quick to move them back up to her shoulders fearing I've went too far.
She let's out a mangled groan, roughly grabbing my hands and moving them right back. I laugh but it comes out strangled as soon as her hands move under my shirt.
Having control with her was shot to hell and I show her that, moving my mouth down her neck, down her chest. Stopping to breath and look up at her little opened mouth, gasping in pleasure.
I don't wait, my mouth moving to her nipple. She leans back quickly, head crashing with the mirror and I would move to check on her if she didn't push my head back down. I suck on it with a delight, my other hand gripping the other breast.
Her gasps become shudders through her body, her legs tightening around my waist. I knew what was happening, not any sexual experience to explain but she was about to orgasm I could smell it.
I leaned up to her ear, moving my mouth from her nipple but my hand found it, twisting at it.
"Release it." My voice heavy. Moving my mouth right back down on her tan skin enjoying myself as I take in what's in my mouth, the wet liquid coming from her legs around my waist, and the hands pulling at my hair.
Her touch was all I needed, all I could ever want in this moment. It was my tongue, as I licked her nipple to finally hear her loudest moan, the legs around me falling back down to the counter. I move back up, she still gripped my hair and her eyes were still closed.
I pad my thumb over her eyelid, she opens her big doe eyes and theirs that look I hated. The one I was waiting for to jump out and bite me: regret.
I look up at the ceiling, letting her go and cursing the Gods. She's already off the counter, grabbing the towel and moving into her room. I grab a hold of the counter, God she was going to give me hell for this.