"He still hasn't come out," Beal whispered, standing outside Loy's cabin between Cal and Marve. They had been keeping track of the prince ever since the night of the ball where he had returned to the ship just to lock himself in his room, not even coming out for food. Marve knew Loy wasn't recovering from any physical injuries but something much harder to heal. According to Selice, he had lost all control of himself in a savage ambush. Had truly lost his mind as all he acted on was blind murderous rage that ended in the deaths of countless people. What Marve could figure out only because of his own experiences with the madness of war, was that Loy wasn't so afraid of that side of him that had awoken, everyone had a part of that wrath inside of them, but for Loy, it probably terrified him, to be so incapable of stopping himself when that dark part did awaken. So far gone he probably didn't even remember his name. And to know that state existed meant there was a chance of it always coming back but no guarantee to come out of it.
The trio continued on, not noticing Selice had just come around the corner to check on the very same thing.
"Do you think he died?" Cal casually asked.
"He died?" Beal asked back in a high-pitched panicked whisper.
Marve noticed Selice and hit Beal on the side of the head. "He didn't die." He geared his gaze on Selice, seeing how affected she was by Loy's self-imposed isolation. "He's just in need of some comfort," Marve explained, loud enough for her to hear. Whether she knew if it was directed to her or not, he couldn't tell. As far as he understood Selice didn't seem like one for doing any of that mushy stuff, and probably only believed herself to be a toy for Loy's amusement, not realizing how much the prince depended on her.
Cal took a sudden serious stance. "If he's dead, I'll take his poncho in honor of him."
"Yeah right!" Beal protested back. "You just want it because it's cool!" By his tone, it was very obvious the boy wanted it for the same reason.
Marve shssed them both. "You two cool off or I'm going to throw you into the sea." He pushed them away to leave the path to Loy's room clear for Selice. And he hoped she'd be keen and kind enough to take advantage of it.
Selice had been debating what she should do for days after witnessing Loy in his monstrous blood-shedding rampage. And while she stayed away to work through her own fears, she also did it because she didn't want Loy aware of the anxiety she felt towards him, because if he was already feeling like a monster, it wouldn't help to know she was thinking of him as one too. But Selice wasn't only thinking of that one memory of Loy, but the many others they shared. An entire childhood of memories ranging from his sly saves of her secret to days on end of his non-stop harassment. But as the week went on and Selice saw none of Loy, she started realizing that the only thing worse than seeing Loy as that demon in the ballroom was seeing none of him at all.
"Loy?" Selice called out while gently unlocking his door.
Loy didn't look up but continued to stare at the shiplap wall from his bed. "Get out," He ordered in a tone that nearly mimicked his kingly voice but lacked its strength.
Selice froze where she stood but didn't back away. "Loy, I don't know what to do. I only know how to fix things, not people." She wasn't used to people breaking, especially not someone as strong as Loy.
Loy imagined himself as the devil that overcame his body. When all he was capable of was murder and devastation. That wasn't even a person anymore, that was a demon inside of him that was never too far from showing. The demon most of the world labeled him to be when they named him the psychotic prince. And as hard as he tried to overcome his brand, he had lived up to it in its complete monstrous entirety. "Not all people are worth fixing,"
Selice's breath caught at his words. It was the closest she had ever heard to Loy giving up and it was everything he wasn't, and it broke her heart. "Fine." She whispered.
Loy lay where he was, his back to Selice. She couldn't see it but her acceptance had just broken him more. It reaffirmed what he always knew. No one ever truly cared enough to try for someone else's sake. The only people who stayed are the ones who had to. He had hoped Selice would be different but it was wrong of him to put his hopes onto her when all this time she had been only going along with what he'd force of her. Loy quietly sighed as he came to terms with that fact as a sudden weight settled beside him.
The prince stayed perfectly still as Selice hugged him from behind. Her head pressed into his back to fit onto the small space left on the mattresses.
"Fine, Loy," Selice said into his bareback. "Stay broken. You never were all too put together in the first place, but don't let it stop you from being you."
Loy paused as he felt Selice's hands shaking where they rested over his heart. He wondered if if was perhaps her first attempts at comforting anyone and clad a hand around her shaky ones.
Loy turned around as he forced her gaze up to his eyes. "Selice, if you're going to climb into my bed I'm going to expect you to be naked next time."
Loy felt Selice's body relax against him as she instantly frowned.
"You're so stupid, Loy," Selice said with enough anger to seriously shock the prince. "And your selfish and unreasonable, and you're always pulling me into your stupid whims." Selice's voice kept building, and though she'd been annoyed at him before, many times in fact, Loy had never seen her truly angry, never once. "Doing all of these troublesome and exhausting things without thinking of anyone else!" Selice's blood boiled as she nearly shouted into his chest as she recalled him lying drenched in blood. "You have more than just yourself to think about! What would happen to Etilia if something happened to you! What would happen to Devane? To Cal? To Beal? To me?" Selice asked as her eyes filled with tears. Even if she wasn't much of a people person, Loy took up that small part of her that was, and as small as it was it still felt like one of the most important ties she had to the world. A piece of her that was as important as one of the cogs in her machines, and without it, no matter how small the part, she wouldn't be able to function without him.
Loy was stunned by Selice's anger. He didn't even think Selice could get so upset when her emotions more often resembled the machines she worked on than any of a human. "Stupid, stupid, prince," Selice repeated into his chest until she calmed herself down.
Loy waited patiently until she finally fell silent. "I'm sorry. I know I act recklessly and put myself in dangerous situations, and that's a hard thing to bear when you're the one relying on me to come back." Selice goggled at him, wondering since when could Loy think outside himself? "It's unfair to you, and I understand if you want to stop this. To distance yourself from me instead of risking getting hurt by what comes by my actions."
Selice's gut lurched.
Loy looked down after long seconds of silence from Selice. She covered her mouth with the back of her arm as her eyes opened wide with tears beginning to form and fall out. The sight of Selice crying was so foreign Lot went stiff and blanked without any idea of what to do or say.
"Selic-"
"Shut up Loy," Selice said, cutting him off. "Shut up and stop being logical! Stop being this strange, rational, thoughtful person! It's not you! You're just a stupid prince who does whatever he wants and acts on his own whims and doesn't think about anyone or anything else but himself. So act like it and stop being this Loy, who speaks so sadly, and hides away from the world instead of taking everything you want from it!" Selice remembered back to his arrogant stupid cocky lopsided smile would. The one she found utterly annoying and the same one that made her so sure everything was going to be ok. "Go back to being yourself already," Selice said, her voice softening. "So I can rely on you again."
Loy's heart jolted. Reliable wasn't something people would call him, and he never thought he really wanted anyone too, but hearing her say it made him feel a special kind of pride, knowing that there were people who depended on him, because that was right wasn't it? There were so many people who needed him, an entire kingdom of them.
Loy's fingers skimmed over the water stains on Selice's check. "You must have been really worked up to cry like this."
Selice didn't respond but glanced away from him, embarrassed about the scene she just made.
"I'll never be anything but selfish and reckless, and the newest threats will be worse than anything I've ever faced before, and I'm only going to go towards it," Loy said, causing the pit in Selice's stomach to flood with dread. It was something Loy had been contemplating since the attack. He had initiated a fight with Emora, and they would come to end it. Them and their artifact users. "But I'm not going anywhere without a fight." He smiled his lopsided grin. "Like anything could kill me anyways."
Selice reached up for Loy's hand and rested her own on top of it. It was still warm for now, and that's all that mattered.
"It does make me really happy to know that you could get this worked up over me," Loy added in his more usual playfulness.
"Shut up, Loy," Selice responded, but it was half-hearted at best when undermined by her smile.
Loy stared down at her and raised her chin up to look at him.
"I love you, Selice." And Loy watched as Selice's eyes burst open as wide as they could as she processed his confession. He noticed the exact second it does as Selice's face steams bright red like he just turned on one of her machines. Loy smirked triumphantly as Selice burrowed her face against his chest.
"Shut up, Loy."
Loy smiled all the same and hugged her closer. He could have never imagined a better response.