Ch 42
Sage P.O.V
Dear Sage,
Lord, you must hate me right now, but I did what I did for a reason. Try not to hate me too much as you're reading this. You and I have been through hell and back this last year. If someone would have told me the shit we got into, I would've laughed in their face, but I couldn't have asked for a better friend to experience it all with. First off, when you came back to our shitty side of town, something in me changed. I started feeling like I was living again. Tim, being the all knowing asshole he is, knew you and I were in for some trouble. He told me to try to keep my head on straight for once. Guess I didn't listen too well. Even though we had some really low times this last year, I wouldn't have changed it for the world.
Now, time to explain myself. While you were my partner in crime, I started a lot of this mess. That night at the party, the night that started this all, it was me who found that ex. I was the one who wanted to get fucked up and you were just trying to stick by me. But then that night in the alley, you wanted to go. You knew nothing good was going to happen, but again you stuck by me. You kept a level head, got us the hell out of there, and even managed to get us by our brothers. You could have walked away at any time, left me to figure out my shit, but you're loyal as a damn dog. No one could ever ask for a better friend. A few nights ago, when we were at the park, I saw that look in your eye. I knew you were going to stick by me one last time and I couldn't let you do that. I wanted to be the better friend for once. I wanted to give you your life back that I stole from you.
This leads me to the last part. You, Sage Winston, are going to do something big in this life. You and Dally have this mindset that you aren't going to live past 18, but that's bullshit. You are smart, confident, and one hell of a drag racer. Get your shit together and do something that matters. Do me one last favor. Try your damn hardest to get Sodapop back. That boy is one of the best things that's ever happened to you. The Sage I know wouldn't roll over for some middle class tramp.
This is the end for me. I only hope that one day you can forgive me for everything I have done. Stay close with Tim. He may not say it, but you mean a lot to him. Just try not to run him crazy like I did. Thank you for being the best friend I never deserved. Of all the people, you are who I'm going to miss the most.
Love your badass other half,
Angela
I was sitting outside of the Curtis house as I read the letter Tim dropped off. It had been a few days since the incident and the first time I saw him. While he looked like his normal, cold self, I saw the bags under his eyes and knew this was eating at him more than he let on. Dally has been trying to keep a close eye on him, but he couldn't stay glued to his side 24/7.
Darry has made me stay at their house, probably afraid that if he lets me off on my own, I'll do something stupid. But after what Tim told me that day, I wouldn't ever bring myself to follow in her footsteps. His words had been rattling around in my head since. "I can't lose another one of you. Please don't make me live through this again."
Money was tight all around, so the decision to not have a funeral was an easy one. Not like I could've buried my best friend in the ground anyway. I haven't cried since that afternoon with the gang. Soda says I'm still processing it and that it will hit me hard one day soon. I guess he would know best.
He hasn't been too far from me either. Him and Steve have been taking turns watching me. They think I don't notice, but it's hard not to when I always seem to have a shadow. Not that I can really blame them though. I've done some questionable things this last year and hurt a lot of people along the way. But for some reason the gang has stuck around.
I heard the screen door shut and soon Soda was sitting next to me. "Did it give you some closure?" He motioned to the letter and I shrugged.
"She told me not to be pissed off at her, but she made it kind of hard." I paused, "Do you think she wrote Tim a letter?"
It was his turn to shrug his shoulders. "Not too sure. You could always ask him." I nodded and looked back down to the piece of paper that seemed to weigh a ton. I don't know if this letter would help him. Yeah, she explained why she did it. But maybe not knowing would be better.
"If I did what she did, would you want a letter?" He looked at me in alarm and I quickly added, "I'm not going to. I just didn't know if I should show Tim this."
I saw him visibly relax. "Honey, I think you just need to talk to him. He may not want to read it, but giving him the option to choose might be nice." He was right.
I got up from my spot on the porch and started walking out of their yard. "Where are you going?"
I turned and gave him a questioning look, "You said to give him an option. So that's what I'm doing."
I saw him try and fail to hide a smile, "You're right, I did say that. I just didn't think you meant right now." He stood up, "Let me get some shoes on and I'll walk with you. Don't need your brother on me for letting you get jumped." He walked inside and I turned back to lean on their gate while I waited for him.
It had only been a few days, but things were quiet. I'm not sure how Ange got word out that it was her who killed their friends, but they were leaving us alone for the time being.
Soda nearly ran out of the house and threw an arm over my shoulder. "Let's get to walking pretty lady."
Angela's words about getting Soda back popped into my head. "Hey Soda, you ever think you'll be in love again?"
He let out a sigh, "I don't know what love is anymore. Sandy ruined any view I had of that." He paused and looked over at me, "Why do you ask?"
I looked up at the sky, "Just curious." I felt his gaze on me linger, but neither of us said anything more about it.
We made it to Tim's house quicker than I wanted, and even if I wanted to turn around I couldn't. Tim was standing in his lawn talking to my brother about something. Dally looked over and gave us a weird look. Almost like he was trying to figure something out but asked what we were doing over here.
Soda nudged me and I fidgeted with the letter in my hand. "Tim, do you have a second?" I looked up for an answer and was met with the same tired expression. He nodded his head and I walked out from Soda's arm. Dally said he needed to talk to him about something, but I figured it was to give us some privacy.
It was silent for a few breaths until Tim asked what I needed. It wasn't a dismissive question, but more to get me talking. I ran a hand through my hair and looked up at him, "Did she leave you one too?"
He looked at the hand that was holding the letter and shook his head. "Just you."
I shook my head for her putting me in this situation. Why the hell didn't she leave her own blood a letter. I at least knew the dumb shit that was going on in our lives, but Tim was mostly in the dark.
"Kid." I didn't realize it had been too long of a silence.
"Did you want to read it?" I saw him tense up and take a few breaths before he answered me.
"Did it help you?"
I gave him an unamused laugh, "There is no helping me. But she explains herself if that's what you mean." I looked back over to him and saw him thinking about it. "It might help tell you what was going on. I'm not sure how much you knew."
He gave a small smile, "When it came to you two, not much." He held out his hand for the letter and I handed it over. He hesitated a moment before opening it up.
I went to walk back towards my brother and Soda, but his hand stopped me. "Stay. Please. Just until I'm done reading it."
I gave him a small nod and sat down near his door. He was going to have questions for me. Hell, he might even be angrier with me once he reads it. The letter made it seem like she did it for me, to repay me back for the shit we got into. Or at least that's how I saw it.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the door while I waited for him to finish. I could only imagine what we looked like from an outsider's point of view. A broken girl who was forced to grow up too fast and a guy who only pretended to be tough. Yeah, I was clearly going places like Angela said.
A/N: Hi friends!!! First of all, THANK YOU so much for making it this far!!! You have no idea what that means to me! Secondly, do you want to see Sage's story continue or do you think this is a good place to work on an ending? I have loads of ideas for her journey through life, but I don't want to drag a story on if it is becoming too much. I love all your thoughts, comments, and ideas!!! Again, thank you for sticking with this story!!