One very very important theme mentioned in this chapter is body insecurities. Not meant to be offensive to anyone at all of any body type!!! And these terms are NOT used offensively. However, There will be terms used such as "skinny" "dainty" "big" etc... if you are uncomfortable reading about this then I completely understand.
3RD PERSON
Finally, the day had come for Trinity to find out whether or not she would be in the showcase.
She was extremely nervous to see the results but at the same time not so much. She knew she put her all into her performance and she couldn't control what Madame Louise thought of her, so therefore her stressing wasn't necessary.
"Going to classes?" Yanna asked, watching as trinity grabbed her things to leave.
This was the first time since she got back that Yanna spoke to trinity first. Yes, they had conversations and what not but things had been awkward between the two of them.
Trinity didn't know what was wrong. Maybe Yanna was still a little shaken up after trinity fainting and so she didn't know how to communicate with her right now.
But there was no bad blood between them and trinity was always happy to talk to Yanna.
"Yeah. Today I find out if I made the part for the fall showcase." Trinity sighed, throwing her bag over her shoulder.
"Oh...well good luck." Yanna said, a forced smile on her face.
"You okay?" Trinity asked her. Yanna nodded.
"Yeah, why you asking?" Yanna laughed, pulling out her phone.
Trinity watched the girl for awhile before shaking her head slowly. "No reason..." she mumbled. "You wanna go to the stores or somethin' after classes? It's been awhile since we hung out together...outside of the dorms, that is."
Yanna thought about it for a minute as trinity sat patiently. She hoped Yanna agreed to going out with her. She really missed her company when it came to going to the strip and stuff like that.
"I'll see. I think I have work later on." Yanna said. Trinity pouted. She couldn't really control that so it was nothing to mope over. They would just have to go another day.
"Of course. I'll see you whenever, then." Trinity waved, going towards the door and opening it.
"See you later trin." Yanna called out.
That was so awkward. Trinity thought.
She hoped Yanna wasn't going through anything, because then she would feel like such a horrible fren for not noticing it sooner.
She knew that in another two months the semester would be coming to an end. Maybe Yanna was just overwhelmed at the moment and busy with her life.
And trinity could understand that perfectly now. The reality hitting her that they were actually adults and had real life responsibilities to handle. Perhaps Yanna was just caught in the mix and hadn't the downtime to do extra activities.
Trinity hoped that the girl wasn't stressing herself out, because that was her mistake. But she was surely coming back into her old self and being that cheerful trinity that she loved, and not the depressed, edgy trinity that had her mentally drained.
Trinity made it to class a few minutes later. The first thing she noticed was the big group of dancers piling in front of the door to read something. The closer she got, the more she could see the few sheets of papers plastered on door.
Those must've been the lists of the names of the dancer that made auditions.
Trinity smiled brightly. Her hope was up and down because she seen a lot of dancers walking away looking upset, some calling bullshit and cursing under their breaths. That couldn't have been good. But Trinity reminded herself that she was her own person with her own future.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry." Trinity said lightly, apologizing to some of the dancers she cut through eventhough they were a little bit taller than her.
"Pardon me." She mumbled, taking a few more steps until she was standing close enough to the papers.
Her eyes fall across every sheet until she reached the last names beginning with the letter "K".
Trinity looked further down to see her names, and of course she couldn't wait another second before she was looking to the side of the sheet to see if she had made the part or not.
But the minute she caught a glimpse, she kind of sort of wanted to just disappear on the spot.
Her smile immediately dropped and all hope was lost once she seen that she hadn't made the part.
For the first time in this entire week, her feelings had been hurt.
She couldn't help but slump her shoulders in disappointment and frown, backing away from the papers.
She tried her hardest to brush it off but it was extremely hurtful to know that she put so much of herself into auditioning just to not make the part.
That just goes to show that no matter how much you try, you can't be perfect for everything.
As trinity backed away, she bumped into someone else. She couldn't even fix her mouth to apologize. She didn't want to talk at all, actually.
"Hey girl, what's with the long face?" Tasha asked, nudging trinity.
When Trinity didn't say anything, Tasha looked at the sheet and then back at Trinity, quickly putting two and two together.
"Dammit...I'm sorry, ma." Tasha said, sounding as if she were genuinely sorry for trinity.
Trinity forced a smile, shaking her head. "It's fine...I think I'm gonna skip out on class today. I'm not feeling okay." Trinity said.
Tasha sighed. "Trin-"
"See you later, Tasha." Trinity quickly dismissed herself before cutting through the group of dancers and making her way back towards the dorms.
The entire way, she resisted the urge to cry and fought her tears with any strength she could muster up. It was hard to do so, but she put her all into it because in all honesty she was sick of looking weak...
______
"Girl fuck them trashy ass folks. They don't know what they missing out on!" Michelle said on the phone, fuming at the mouth because she was just as pissed as trinity was about her not making the part.
"But...lemme calm down. Because I know you put your all into it and you deserved that part. But think of it as a minor set back for a major comeback?"
"I'm trying to. It just really hurts because I stressed so much over that fucking part. I didn't eat because I knew my appearance was a part of the problem, partially. I mean I'm not exactly big but Michelle you should see who my competition is! The dancers here are taller, skinnier, dainty...I never stood a chance." Trinity said lowly.
Michelle had to move the phone from her ear, look down at it before placing it back up to her ear.
"Now I know god damn well you ain't just imply what I think you did, Trinity Renee? Girl listen to yourself. You are drop dead fuckin' gorgeous. You have the body most would kill for. You're the perfect size for a dancer, even if it's not particularly ideal for ballet you're still in amazing shape and you look damned good. Just because those prestige ass white folk don't see your potential doesn't mean others don't and that also doesn't mean you should stop seeing it."
Trinity stared blankly at the wall, listening as Michelle preached to her about something she should've already knew.
But Trinity's dignity had been lost for today and in all honesty she hadn't the energy to talk about anything at the moment.
She called Michelle to vent and also because she missed her. But now trinity realized that taking some time out to herself would've been best to do first.
She needed to shower and order some food, lay back in bed and watch a good movie or something. Anything to stop her from stressing out.
Plus, Michelle was right. This was a minor setback for a major come back. If they had a winter showcase then trinity would damn sure bag that part. So if that were to happen closer to December, she was ready.
"You still there?" Michelle asked.
"Yeah." Trinity said. "Where's uri?" She decided to change the subject.
"Girl he taking a nap with his ugly ass daddy. They been laughing and giggling all day. Jimin just be talking shit to him and Uriah be talking shit right back." Michelle said, sounding annoyed.
That actually made Trinity laugh. Michelle and Jimin's relationship with Uriah always brought her joy.
"As they should though." Trinity said.
"Mhm...I'm making this wig for a client. She wanted bubblegum pink which I personally think is gonna look bomb as hell on her. She's having a fifty shades a pink themed photoshoot or something." Michelle said.
"Oh my god that's gonna be so cute! I can just imagine it!" Trinity said, being easily distracted by the mention of the color pink and the word photoshoot.
"I know right. I'll send you pictures when I'm done, girl."
"Okay...just call me later. Im gonna go take a shower and order some food. I just wanna stay in for the rest of the day." Trinity sighed.
"Don't beat yourself up about it. Just relax and reflect."
"Talk to you later then." Trinity said, standing up from her bed and going over to pull out some clothes for a shower.
"Talk to you later, bae." They then hung up the phone and Trinity tossed it on the bed.
She needed to call hoseok but she decided she would wait a little while longer. She already knew he would be pissed about them not giving her a spot in the showcase so she needed to mentally prepare herself first before she had to hear his mouth about it.
She couldn't help but assume that the reason why she didn't get that part was because they didn't view her as desirable, or she didn't have the good enough body type to be portrayed as a clean cut ballerina who was supposed to be flawless, petite and sharp.
This is why so many dancers starved themselves, hurt themselves and went into serious depressive episodes. Because judge mental people seen them as unworthy and never gave them a chance.
Trinity knew for certain that she was better than half of those dancers that made the part. She didn't mean to sound cocky but it was true. She was, and yet she still didn't get a part and for why? Because of how she looked? It probably even went as far as her curves. Was it her skin color as well?
She couldn't help but question herself. She hated to sound insecure but it was all she could think about as she grabbed her clothes and what not.
In all honesty, she was handling this better than she thought she would've which was of course a good thing. She was proud of herself for knowing how to not stress over situations that's not in her control. It was the healthier thing to do - take a step back and just relax.
She just hated that she didn't do this before...a lot of things could've been avoided if only she had.
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A/n: so...no Hobi this chapter but more drama build up.
I'm so happy that we're getting the sweet trinity back. Yes we love the headstrong, "no bs" taking trinity. But I miss my sweetheart.
Also, I'm happy that she is acknowledging that stressing isn't worth it when it's out of your control. She gave everything she could so much to the point where she hurt herself. And now she realizes that it's her health over anything that class has to offer, to avoid another incident like that.
Excuse any mistakes <3.