My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as my arms circled around Jacob. On the bike, a strange sense of freedom washed over me, riding through the woody roads to get to the little cottage. Being so near him was intoxicating, like I was some ex drug addict surrounded by my drug of choice.
Once we finally pulled into the makeshift driveway of the cottage, he helped me off the seat of the motorcycle. I didn't actually need any help but I didn't complain since it was an excuse to touch him, but in a non romantic or sexual kind of way, so I wasn't breaking my own rules.
We walked inside, Jacob still had a key, and the place looked so empty with all the clothes missing, and pictures my parents had no doubt taken with them. The furniture that was left was covered in white cloth to protect in, and instinctively I walked down the hallway to my old room. It looked as I had expected. Some of my old posters that I'd hung up when I was young were still pinned to the wall, which didn't match the wallpaper pattern at all. God only knew how my mother hid this crime against taste from Alice. I smiled to myself thinking about everyone. I missed them all so dearly.
"Hey," said Jacob behind me. "You ready to talk or do you need another minute?"
I sighed to myself, reliving old memories before storing them away for later in my brain and walking back towards the living room.
I didn't sit, since I was too nervous to and since I didn't sit down neither did Jacob.
"You can sit if you want," I told him.
He waved it off. "I'm good. I'd like us to be on equal footing."
I nodded in understanding, unsure where to begin.
"What do you want to know?" I asked.
He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly searching for the right words.
"I guess I want to know why Aro let you go?"
I went on to explain everything, and how I was here for the wedding.
"I hear you're the best man," I said warmly.
He smiled his big white smile and my knees nearly buckled. Stop it! I told myself. Pull it together!
"Yeah, I would be shocked if Seth asked anyone else. I am his pack leader after all."
I nodded in agreement. The room went quiet for a few minutes, until I finally got up the courage to ask him about Vladimir and Stefan.
"Why are you tracking them?"
He knew exactly what I meant without me having to elaborate. He sighed. "Because of what they did to you Ness. They're still a threat. You think ten years meant anything to them while you were under Aro's protection? They'll just find another way to provoke something between the Vulturi and the Cullens, whether that's using you or some other way. I can't let that happen."
"Jacob," I began before he cut me off.
"I know what you're gonna say Ness, and the answer is no. I will keep trying to find them because I can't let you be in any danger."
"But you can't protect me from everything all the time Jake! That's insane."
He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I can't let it go."
Something inside me grew hot. I was getting angry, and I was reminded of the all too painful strain in our relationship.
"Because you imprinted on me," I said coldly.
"Yes," he replied, his voice serious. "And because I love you." He put his warm hand in mine, sending a tingle up my arm.
"You can't love me. You don't know me anymore." I finally managed to pull my gaze up to meet his, which was a bad idea.
"Don't tell me what I feel, Ness," he warned, his tone growing harsh.
"I already tell you how you feel! If I told you tomorrow it would make me happy if you never spoke to me again, you would do it!"
"That's not quite how it works."
"Then how does it work Jacob? Surprisingly, I've been trying to get over the whole imprinting thing, but especially with time apart, I want to know we love each other for real reasons!"
He stepped closer, and I surprised myself by standing my ground. His face was inches from mine and I could feel his hot breath on me, making my hair stand up. I couldn't tell if I was a bit scared, not of Jacob, but of what would happen, or if I was excited. Too excited for my own good.
"You know what's real? We're real Ness. This is real!"
He grabbed my face and kissed me hard. I gasped for breath but his touch sent an electric current through me and I couldn't pull away. It was like someone dying of thirst in the desert getting a drink of cold water. It filled me with something I didn't think I could feel. I fisted my hands in his hair, probably too hard but he definitely didn't notice. His hands travelled up my back, and in a flash, my legs wrapped around his waist. We slammed against the bookshelf on the wall behind him, sending the top shelf falling unceremoniously to the ground, but we didn't care. I pulled his jacket off and nearly ripped the shirt off his body. I shuddered at the touch of his hot bare skin under my hands. He practically growled, throwing us onto the couch, tossing my coat onto the floor. His lips found my neck, and my arms enveloped him. It was strangely intimate, despite the intense energy between us. It would have been so easy to lose myself in it. To lose myself in him, but I couldn't. This was going too far and although I'd made sure during my time in Italy that I would not return without any sexual experience, somehow with Jacob this was too intense. I knew doing this now would tie me to him in a way I hadn't been with others and I couldn't commit myself to that level of attachment yet. Not now.
"Jacob," I gasped. "We have to stop."
He immediately pulled away. "Are you okay?"
I shook my head. "No. I can't do this. I'm sorry."
He nodded. "Are you scared?"
I sighed. "In a way, yes. But not in the way you think. I didn't tell you everything I did over in Europe."
He understood but I could see the flood of jealousy he was holding back behind his eyes.
"Okay," he whispered, kissing me gently on the lips again, nearly sending me back into oblivion.