I was gone for awhile because I wanted to be like Ranboo in this story lmao. Anyways have Tubbos ending :)
"Tina...?"
"That's not my name, dumbass."
"Tina, it's all in your head."
"That's not my fucking name."
"Fine, Toby." The voice sighed.
"Do I still look like a god damn girl?"
"No, not really."
"Exactly."
"You still have a pussy." The voice giggled.
"Yeah, okay." Toby took a breath. "Leave me alone."
"He's still here you know."
"Shut the fuck up."
"Toby, you can still talk to him. You can even see him if you wanted. Maybe hang out like you used to, have a good laugh."
"Oh really? How the fuck am I supposed to do that."
"Exactly how he went."
"Alright, shut up."
"You complain how you miss him so much, why not go see him for a bit?"
"I'm sad but I don't have a fucking death wish. Besides if I were to go see him for a 'little' it wouldn't be a little. I would be gone forever."
"You wanted to spend forever with him, right."
"I- you mother fucker." Toby smiled "I'm past that."
"No your not."
"I have a boyfriend."
"That doesn't mean you even like him. Maybe you got with him to give a special person the feeling of... jealousy?"
"No, I like my boyfriend."
"Tell me you love him then."
"I like him."
"Or you just like someone else"
"Okay, leave me alone now. You've done enough."
"Fine..."
Tubbo felt a slight burn in his chest. Almost like what you would think you feel after you get stabbed. The pain sprung through his body making him sit up in his bed gripping his chest.
"Jesus fucking Christ!" He gasped.
He would try not to be too loud. Other people in the house have bigger problems than him just getting a slight pain or feeling.
"Will you fucking stop!" Tubbo snarled.
"You're begging to go see him. Deep down you know you want to."
"I don't want to fucking kill myself, stop it."
"Would anyone care though? Everyone you know has somebody they can count on. Your person... Well, killed themself."
"What if someone secretly had a crush on me and couldn't bear that they never had a chance with me and that I never found out about their feelings. What if they're going to ask me out or start talking to me but I kill myself and never get a chance and completely destroy them?"
"Speaking from experience?" The voice laughed a little.
"No..." Tubbo buried his head back into his pillow hopeing this voice dies out.
"Please. Just try to go see him. At least go to the bathroom and pretend."
Tubbo disagrees with the voice and lays there, Sad, heartbroken and filled with a lot of emotions he didn't know how to deal with.
The voice had appeared a day after Ranboo died. It started simply trying to comfort Tubbo. Getting him out of bed, making sure he eats, showers, takes care of himself and doesn't get worse. Then it started slowly telling Tubbo how much they miss Ranboo and that he should go visit him. Now the voice is trying to get him to kill himself to go see Ranboo, if the afterlife is even real.
Tubbo never reached out for help because he didn't think he needed it. Everyone has a voice in their head... Right? He never reached out for help because he never imagined it would get this bad. It turned from a friend to his motivation. Motivation to get better, motivation to kill himself.
He didn't think it would get this bad.
"Good. keep going. There should be pills in the cabinet down there, or if you want a guaranteed death use the knife, not the pills."
Tubbo took a second and stood in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror.
"Come on. He's probably waiting for you!"
"I love him..." Tubbo whispered.
"I know you do. That's why you're going to spend the rest of your time with him."
Tubbo grabbed the knife off the counter and held it tight.
"You can do it.." The voice whispered.
Tubbo brought the knife to his stomach and pressed down a little, just enough for blood to drip out but not do to much damage.
"I can't. I can't do this..." Tubbo started crying and fell to the floor holding his stomach.
"Please. shit! don't back down. It's gonna be okay. He's waiting for you!"
"Please..." Tubbo choked up "Please... Please just stop."
"You can't get rid of me. I'm the only one that has comforted you besides Ranboo. You want to be with him. You love him, Toby. You want to go see him. "
"I can get rid of you"
"I'm always here..." The voice then realized what Tubbo would do. "Wait no. Please don't. You'll get in trouble! You have a knife and pills in your hand! And blood! blood on your hand!"
Tubbo screamed at the top of his lungs.
The voice never appeared when people are around so the best way to make it go away is being with people. Everyone thinks Tubbo doesn't want to be around people when he is sad. He does want to be with people... He wants someone to hug and tell him it's okay, he wants to feel included, he wants to be distracted from the bad things.
"Tubbo?!" He heard someone yell and start running to his room.
Tubbo started crying harder.
"Tubbo what the fuck?! Are you okay?"
It was Wilbur. He ran into the bathroom and looked down at Tubbo.
"Tubbo..." His voice lowered and he sat next to Tubbo on the ground. "Why do you have a knife and pills."
Calm spaces calm people down Wilbur reminded himself.
Tubbo couldn't speak. He just leaned onto Wilbur for comfort. Someone to make the voice away. Someone to hug. Someone to just feel loved by.
"You don't need to do that, Tubs," Wilbur said and gently took what Tubbo was holding and set it next to him, out of Tubbo's reach.
"Holy shit! Your fucking hand." Wilbur lifted Tubbo's shirt of and some blood was dripping down Tubbo's stomach.
"Oh yeah..." Tubbo sighed.
Wilbur treated the cut and then sat back down with Tubbo.
Wilbur held him for a long time. 30 minutes went by and Tubbo was still crying. He hadn't had the voice gone for this long... it was nice.
"Tubbo you need to tell me what's wrong."
"I don't want to be alone, Wilbur. I don't want to sit here alone. I don't want to talk to myself for comfort. I want someone here with me. Not alone."
"I'm here now, Tubbo. If you need me, I'm here always." Wilbur hugged tighter.
Tubbo's crying got softer eventually.
"Tubbo, what's been happening?"
"I've been alone in my room for weeks, Wilbur. I've been here alone for fucking weeks! ... I'm going crazy, Will."
"You aren't going crazy, Tubbo just... just come out of your room sometime if you want to hang out with us. Or even text us to come up here and hang out with you." Wilbur smiled.
Tubbo didn't respond. He could have done those things.
But it's not his fault he didn't. His midset and everything that has been happening he can't think straight. Nobody would be able to be in his position.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Tubbo spoke, "So... how is... Techno." he said slightly peeved with Techno.
"Well, he's not doing any better."
Tubbo scoffed.
"I still meant everything I said to him."
Wilbur sighed. "You really fucked him up, Tubs. I think you need to be a little nicer to him and Tommy.
"I'm not taking back anything I said. They both are in the wrong. Not me."
"Sure, Tubbo. Sure." Wilbur replied.
__.__.__.__.__.__.__
I opened up to Wilbur about the many, many things going on (specifically in my head...).
I told Wilbur I'd been hearing things, no, not just things. A voice. That's why I've been in my room, that's why I was in the bathroom that one day. Wilbur was very understanding, he was going to tell Phill so he can get a therapist for me and maybe get the voice out. I really wanted the voice gone, even though I don't want to see anyone for it. I didn't want help but Wilbur told Phil for the sake of everyone.
They couldn't take another death. If that voice in my head almost caused me to kill myself, they couldn't risk it, I guess. Not saying that you aren't as important as everyone but apparently my death would hurt them more. Thats not fair to you though, I just say they were speaking without thinking or were just put on the spot because your death destroyed me.
your death really fucked everyone up. It seemed like the sky got a little darker, the grass was a little duller, the air was harder to breathe, nothing was as funny anymore, and it felt like a piece was missing. you were the funniest in the group I personally think. You brightened my mood just by being in the same room as me.
It's been really hard. The first week of your death Phil and Wilbur told me I went over to your house to "hang out" and I stayed in your room for a week. I couldn't actually belive you were gone so I pretend you weren't . When Phil finally got me back to the house I was so angry at the world for taking my friend, my best friend, my... I'm finally going to admit this but...the guy of my dreams.
Tommy... I wanted to kill Tommy. After I remembered what Tommy did to you I yelled at him and told him things that no one should hear from one of their best friends. One of the things I said was, "Tommy, you are one of the most unhelpful people in the world. You really do nothing for anybody, honestly man you just have negatives. If you killed yourself there will be more positives to it." That is just one of the less mean things I said.
And I can't fucking belive I almost tried to actually kill Tommy. I helped with dinner one day and put something in his drink. When we all sat down and started eating a sense of regret rushed through me. I was so fucking ashamed. I asked Tommy to swap drinks, and we about to till Wilbur said "I know what you did, Tubbo." Turns out he was right there and got rid of the drink. Lets just say nobody found out and we had a long talk with lots of tears. I would have took the drink that had stuff in it and drink it though, to much shame to live with.
I remember two days after the Tommy situation Phil brought up what Techno did to you one time and that it was wrong, it needed to be aware that Techno has done some stuff to you. When it was brought up and I remembered more and more of the stuff, was so angry at Techno that I yelled at him for hours and hours till my voice gave up and I dropped because my blood pressure raised and I didn't eat enough that day because of stress. I remember waking up to Phil so fucking angry at me, I though he was going to send me back to my parents house. I told Techno to die a few times and that he wasn't good for anything, I'm still mad at him but he shouldn't die. I'm not in the wrong though, he has done multiple things to you that really affected you and your whole life.
After Techno went through whatever the fuck he needed to be sad about things started to get better for everyone. Techno finally went back to his own house and left us alone, but he came back soon after. Wilbur went through his own stuff, so did Phil and Tommy. But I couldn't help but think if Tommy wasn't a bitch to you and he just shut his mouth. Or if Techno just wasn't so fucking selfish.
I got over that pretty quick but fell into a depression and a state of going crazy. I isolated myself from everyone and a voice came into my head. That voice was my friend. It comforted me and sometimes made me actully happy. It checked up on me and made sure I took care of myself. But then it slowly became my downfall . It didn't shut up, when I tried to sleep it reminded me that you died, or I never had a chance to tell you how I feel, but it always reminded me that I can go see you. I tried... but it didn't work...
I'm just finally seeing that maybe its good that you died. If you are alive you wouldn't be happy unless a fucking miracle happened. I could have told you how I felt and we both live with Phil and be happy. But that would never happen. Your dad would fight to make your life hell and who knows what other bullshit could happened.
I'm sad your gone, but I'm glad your happy now. You wrote me two letters before you died one that I can't open till a year after you died and one saying I get all your clothes and plushies, and that I was the best friend that you dreamed of having, you told me I made you happy, you told me you loved me.
Your best friend or possible lover...
-Toby Smith. (Tubbo) 2020
Reminder!: I'm not shipping them in a weird way, I'm shipping them like how their dsmp characters are. If this goes against boundaries let me know and I'll change it immediately! :)
PLEASE GO READ MY OTHER BOOK "LIKE A ROCKSTAR" IT MAY NOT BE FINISHED BUT I SWEAR ITS BETTER THAN THIS ABSOLUTE RUBBISH