Requested by Krystal_Vallz
warning: mentions of sexual assault
Yoonkook
-------
Yoongi preferred not to talk about what happened when he was four. He preferred to forget about how his uncle had forced himself onto him and hurt him. His parents made his uncle babysit him for a few months.
Yoongi hadn't told anybody about what had happened. Not his parents, nor a trusted adult, nor his bandmates. This fact was only for his mind to know.
But at the back of his head, he had a sneaking suspicion that they already knew that he wasn't fully alright. He had major gaps in his memory. Maybe he had told them at one point and had completely forgot?
Sometimes, he heard the others reference events that he had never heard of, even though he had been there.
He felt like he wasn't in charge of his own life. Sometimes he felt like he was going to fall asleep, and then he would have no recollection of what happened in the next few hours.
Wiped. Just like that.
But maybe it was better that way.
-------
Jungkook wouldn't consider himself a medical professional, yet he could tell when something wasn't right. And in all the years that he had known Yoongi, he could tell that something was very different about him.
He was one way sometimes and other times, he was different. Like, very different. It was as if Yoongi consisted of two very different people. One version loved to sleep, one was energetic and loud. Jungkook had put it off to mood swings many times. But surely, Yoongi didn't have such dramatic mood swings so often?
Quite honestly, Jungkook was worried. Was something going on?
Yoongi also forgot things a lot...
Jungkook had a lot of figuring out to do.
-------
"Is everything okay Yoongi?" Jin asked.
Yoongi nodded. His face was pale, but his eyes had a reddish tone around them. He had been crying.
"I'm really tired," he said in a low voice.
"Ah..." Jin didn't make any more comments, but patted Yoongi's shoulder.
Jungkook eyed Yoongi carefully. No matter the occasion, Yoongi always looked sad and gloomy. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but Yoongi always gave the same answer. That he was "tired" and "hadn't gotten much sleep at night." Lies. Jungkook knew he was lying.
"Were you crying?" he asked.
Yoongi looked at him in surprise. "Why... no-no, no I wasn't."
"You can't lie to save your life Yoongi," Jin said. His eyes crinkled as his voice became more gentle. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Yoongi furiously shook his head. "I'm tired."
"I can stay with you tonight. You'll sleep well if you see how I sleep," Jungkook quickly said.
"That's a great idea!" Jin said. "That way, if you need anything Yoongi, Jungkook can be there for you."
Jungkook didn't miss the brief flash of fear that went across Yoongi's face. Yoongi was scared? Was he hiding something? But he couldn't investigate the expression further. Yoongi quickly recovered and set his mouth in a straight line.
"Okay, fine."
"It's going to be fun, hyung, don't worry. I'm a lovely person to be around."
"I know."
-------
Yoongi was known for being more on the quieter side, but he was very talkative during dinner. He couldn't stop rattling away about silly stories that he had seen in the news. He talked so much that it worried Jungkook. None of the others seemed to notice anything off.
On the contrary, Jin seemed to be relieved because Yoongi seemed to be more lively. At least he wasn't crying anymore.
Something wasn't adding up for Jungkook. Either Yoongi was a very good actor or maybe... something else was up.
-------
"I can't believe it Jungkook, oh, listen, listen to this and..." Yoongi took a quick breath. "... did you know that some people say octopuses came from outer space? I didn't even know that-"
"Okay, okay." Jungkook laughed. Even though he was worried, it was hard not to be carried away by Yoongi's infectious enthusiasm. "It's nearly midnight. I think it's time for you to go to sleep."
"You too!" Yoongi sat down on his bed and pouted. "I'm not going to sleep unless you do."
"I'm going to." Jungkook pointed to his pajamas.
Yoongi sighed. He sat still for a few moments before jumping up.
"Fine!" he said. He slipped underneath his covers. Jungkook went over to him and tucked him in gently. Yoongi giggled.
"You should sleep too!"
"I'm going, I'm going," Jungkook said. He headed over to his side of the bed. Turning off the lights, he laid down next to Yoongi. Yoongi immediately turned towards him and snuggled into his grip. Jungkook buried his face into his shoulder and tried to relax. The nagging worry at the back of his mind seemed to be dormant now. He was too sleepy.
-------
In the middle of the night, Yoongi pushed him away. Jungkook woke up. Yoongi was sitting on the edge of his bed, shaking slightly.
"What's going on?" Jungkook asked. "Hyung?"
Yoongi looked back at him. "Oh, you're here," he said.
"Yeah, I said I was going to stay with you tonight, remember?"
"Yeah."
Jungkook nodded. Yoongi glanced at him for a moment before looking straight again.
"Is something bothering you?" Jungkook asked. "Why are you sitting up?"
"Can't sleep."
"Why?"
"Can't sleep."
Jungkook could tell that Yoongi didn't want to talk further.
"Okay... I'm going to go back to sleep, okay?"
"You should, yeah."
There it was, that stark contrast in personality. Just a few hours ago, Yoongi had been loud, energetic, and cheerful and now he was distant, sad, and tired. Jungkook couldn't believe it.
"Hyung?"
"Yeah?"
"I have something to ask you. It's fine if you don't want to answer, but it's been worrying me for a while and I really need to know," Jungkook said. He held his breath as he waited for Yoongi's answer.
"Me? Question?" Yoongi forced a laugh. He still didn't face Jungkook. "Yeah, sure, ask away. I won't mind."
"Why do you have mood swings so much?"
"Mood swings? What do you mean?" Yoongi finally looked back at Jungkook. He appeared confused.
"No, but like..." Jungkook sighed. "When we were going to sleep, you were loud and energetic, but now you're... you look sad now..."
Yoongi stared at him for a moment. "I don't remember going to sleep."
"You don't? It was just a couple of hours ago though?"
Yoongi shook his head. "No."
"Do you remember me telling you that I wanted to stay with you at night?"
"Yeah..." Yoongi nodded. "You said that you're a lovely person to be around, or... yeah, something like that."
Jungkook twisted his lip, thinking about what he had just heard. So Yoongi didn't remember last night, but he remembered yesterday morning? Yoongi had also been sad and quiet in the morning. Was it possible that Yoongi didn't remember anything from when he was loud?
"Hyung..."
"There's something wrong with me, isn't there?" Yoongi asked. His eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew all along that I was weird and stran-"
"No, no, no," Jungkook said. He reached forward and pulled Yoongi into a hug. Yoongi grabbed onto his shirt and started to cry. Jungkook had never been so confused.
-------
Many times Jungkook had heard, "Don't Google your symptoms!". But, he really didn't have any other resources, so he decided to search up Yoongi's symptoms. He didn't know whether there was actually something going on with Yoongi or whether he was having drastic mood swings, but Jungkook decided to go through it anyway.
Yoongi seemed to match depression symptoms very well. The other thing that stood out for him was dissociative identity disorder. Everything that went on with Yoongi, everything that he was worried about, it made sense. Jungkook had never encountered it in real life before, but reading things up on WebMD, made him a bit more aware of the condition.
But if he wanted anything to work out properly and make Yoongi feel a bit happier, he needed to get Yoongi an actual diagnosis.
The only thing was... apparently DID usually happened because of childhood trauma. Had Yoongi gone through something? Jungkook's heart broke thinking about it.
-------
"I need to make Yoongi an appointment," Jungkook said. The others looked up in surprise. Even Yoongi looked stunned. They had been eating dinner. Now nobody dared pick up another piece of food.
"Why?" Yoongi asked, trying to make himself as small as possible. "Why me? What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing." Jungkook shook his head. "I'm just worried, that's all. You dragged me to the doctor once because you thought I had lice, didn't you?"
Yoongi frowned.
"Is it because he's sad these days or...?" Namjoon asked. "Because if so, I would say that it's a very good idea."
"Yeah, because of that," Jungkook said. Namjoon nodded.
"Nothing's wrong," Yoongi said. He looked around at everybody in a panic. "I'm fine! Really! Look at me! I'm absolutely fine!"
Jungkook shook his head.
"I can show you though," Yoongi said. "I can eat, I can talk, I'm breathing air, everything is absolutely fine." He laughed when he saw the others looking more worried. "Why do you guys look so worried? I'm not worried! You guys don't understand!"
"Okay, okay... um Yoongi... it's just a check-up, okay? Just a check-up," Jin said.
"Yoongi?" Yoongi asked. He looked confused for a moment before his face cleared. "Ah, Yoongi, yes."
Jungkook swallowed. Yoongi grinned at him, cheerful as ever.
"I'll go ahead and book it then," he said.
------
Jungkook had expected the diagnosis to happen quickly. He wasn't a very patient person, so when the process dragged on, he got annoyed.
Yoongi practically begged him to come with him to the sessions. The doctor asked him all sorts of questions, some of which he didn't know the answers to. Having Jungkook there to help him was a huge relief.
A few weeks later was when Jungkook found out. Yoongi told him and the doctor, in a rush of tears, what his uncle had done to him when he was younger. Jungkook started crying as well. Yoongi described it in as much detail as he could. Jungkook was surprised. The incidents had occured so many years ago, but Yoongi remembered them perfectly.
It was hard seeing Yoongi in a new light. Instead of seeing him as just his bandmate and friend, Jungkook saw him as someone who had gone through so much in his life. The one thing that Jungkook and the others tried their best to do was not treat Yoongi any differently. They made sure to still laugh and joke around with him and include him in their activities.
-------
Nearly two years after Jungkook had first brought the issue up, Yoongi finally got his diagnosis. This was after getting multiple wrong diagnoses and successfully proving that they were wrong.
Jungkook hadn't expected it to be so complicated. Ah, not everything was as simple as he wanted it to be.
It was hard explaining the whole thing to Yoongi. He didn't want to believe it at first, but over time, he came to accept it. Both "versions" of himself came to know about each other. The louder, more carefree one had been aware that the quieter Yoongi existed, but not the other way around. Yoongi might have had more alters, but this one was the most prominent.
Loud Yoongi was funny. Quiet Yoongi was wise. That's how Jungkook knew it.
------
"Is it hard?" Jin asked. "I can't imagine knowing that there's two different people living in your body."
"What?" Yoongi shook his head, smiling. No matter what, he was a lot more cheerful nowadays. He still did have a few memory gaps and they still did cause problems for him, but they weren't as bad as before. He would have to deal with them for the rest of his life, but it didn't scare him as much as it once did. "It's hard to accept, yeah. But, you know, it's okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah." Yoongi shrugged. "I'm sure you remember what I was like when I found out. I cried a lot. But... you know, it's not something I can just change."
"Yeah." Jin nodded.
"Yeah, over time I accepted it."
"Ah," Jin said. "As long as you're happy and comfortable, I'm fine with anything."
"Good." Yoongi shook his head. "Man, I'm so glad that Jungkook stepped up and did something. Or else, I would've been miserable for the rest of my life."
"I didn't know what to do, I'm sorry," Jin said quietly. "I couldn't tell that something was off."
"It's fine," Yoongi said. He patted Jin's shoulder. "You take care of me well."
"That I do, yes." Jin perked up. "Very well."
"Very very very very well." Yoongi smiled, eyes a little hazy. He suddenly went forward and hugged Jin tightly. "Thanks."
Jin laughed and hugged him tightly back.
-------
2158 words