T/W = talk of self-harm and sexual abuse
Maya's POV
"Is she ok?" Vic asks as ava continues sleeping in my arms
"Yeah, she had an attack, but I think she's ok," I said
"I never thought I'd see this side of you bishop," Vic says proudly
"Hm?"
"You have a hot Italian girlfriend and an incredibly adorable daughter, you actually talk to us now instead of just giving us orders, it's nice. It's like we've met Maya"
"you've always known Maya," I say
"No, we knew bishop, but we didn't know Maya"
*****
We eventually went home, and ava was laying in bed, still tired while carina and I were sitting on the sofa together, watching 'friends.
"Do you think ava's ok?" carina asks
"I hope so," I sigh
"Are you ok?" I ask
"Yeah, why?" she says confused
"baby," I say looking up at her sadly
"I know, I'm trying to block it out at the minute," she says
"You don't have to block it out, you can be upset"
"Not yet, I have 10 days until the exact date, if I get upset now, I'll be upset for over 2 weeks, and I don't want that"
"Ok baby, but when you do want to be sad, I'm here ok?" I ask as she nods
The anniversary of her mother's passing was coming up and she told me about how upset she gets when it's that time. As much as I would hate to see her upset, I wanted her to feel like she can cry if she wants to.
Ava's POV
I lied on the bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling tired. It wasn't the sort of tiredness that you get from not sleeping a lot, it was tiredness you get when you feel emotionally drained.
I hated it.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and when I pulled it out I saw a message from an unknown number
'Hey, it's Olivia, I was just checking you were alright'
I felt a smile instantly creep onto my face when I see her name, wanting nothing more than to just talk to her
'Hey, yeah I'm good, sorry for what happened' I reply
'No need to be sorry, I'm just glad you're ok. I didn't know what to do so I got someone from upstairs, I didn't know if that was right' she says instantly
'Yeah, thank you
'No problem :)'
I put my phone down before covering myself with the duvet, holding it all the way up to my face. I was happier after Olivia texted, I didn't know why though
Knock, knock
"Hey, it's just me, are you alright?" Maya asks from the doorway
"Yeah, just tired," I say, still wrapped in the blanket
"Can I join you?' she asks as I nod my head and she climbs into bed with me
"Who was the girl from reception?" she asked quietly
"Olivia, she came in with a broken fire alarm, the one dean fixed"
"Oh, was that her? She seems nice"
"She is"
We lay there for a while, in each other's arms, while Maya traces patterns on my arm
"who's that?" she asks as my phone buzzes again
"that's her," I say, picking my phone up and reading the message
'Well, your moms are the best, they were so worried for you'
"What did she say?" Maya says smiling
"That she likes you and mama"
"You know, she was the one that figured out that the attack was because of the bruise"
"Hm?" I say, confused as to what she means
"She said she noticed that you were looking at your arm before you started zoning out"
"How did she realise?"
"She must've been watching you closely" she smiles
*****
Maya's POV
"Do you think that girl liked her?" I ask randomly as carina, and I were getting into bed
"Do I think who likes who?" she laughs
"The girl from reception, Olivia"
"I don't know, maybe, they could just be good friends"
"possibly" I start before getting lost in my imagination "or they'll fall in love and get married and have babies," I say excitedly
"Woah, chill out, we're years away from that, plus, is Ava even gay?" she says
"I don't know but I've never had a daughter before, I just want her to be happy
"We have a daughter" carina smiles
"We have a daughter" I confirm
Ava's POV
I was woken up by my phone going off as I forgot to put it on silent last night. I was going to just turn it off and go back to sleep but when I saw who the message was from, I couldn't help but feel a little less tired
'Morning, I know its early, sorry if I woke you – Olivia
'No, don't worry, you didn't, is everything ok?'
'Yeah I'm fine, are you free today?'
'I don't know, I'll have to check, why?'
'I was wondering if we could hang out or something
'I would love to; I will check with Maya
'Ok, text me if you are :)'
'Ok, text you in a minute, bye'
'bye'
I heard Maya and carina in the kitchen, cooking, so I tiredly got myself out of bed and went to join them
"Morning baby," Maya says, coming over to hug me
"Morning," I say back
"Why are you so smiley, its 9 am?" carina chuckled
"I'm not, anyway, Olivia asked if I could hang out today," I say as I notice them give each other a look
"Ok, what was that?" I ask as Maya is trying to hold back a smile
"Nothing baby, of course, you can," Maya says
"Thank you," I say before going back into my room to tell Olivia
'They said I can, where do you want to go' I message
'Is there any way I can come to your house?'
"Mom?" I yell
"Yeah?"
"Can she come round here?"
"Sure!" she shouts back
'Yeah, that's fine, what time?'
'Can I come at 10, I know it's early, I can come later if you want
'No, that's fine, see you soon
'See you soon'
"she's coming round at 10," I say to Maya and carina as I face plant into the sofa
"Ugh, does that mean I have to get dressed?" carina asks Maya
"Yep, I'm sorry baby but I'm not having her thinking we're crazy"
"fine" she groans
*****
"Do you think the house is tidy enough?" Maya asks, running around frantically
"The house is perfect Bella," carina says, trying to calm Maya down
"Why are you stressing so much?" I ask her, laughing
"Oh shush, because I am," she says as someone knocks on the door
"I'll get it," I say as I walk up and open the door
"hey," we both say as she comes inside
"Woah, it's insanely tidy in here," she says looking around as carina laughs a bit
"Thank you" Maya smiles, proud of herself
"To be honest I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't even get dressed"
"See!" carina says
"you're Olivia right?" Maya asks
"Yeah, and you're Maya?"
"Yes, and this is carina"
"Ok, we're going to go lay down, this one won't calm down," carina says, dragging Maya away
"Your parents are so nice," Olivia says as we sit down on the couch
"I know, what are yours like?" I say
"Just like normal parents why?" she replies quickly
"No reason, so how are you doing?"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"I'm good, sorry for freaking out yesterday," I say, knowing she's asking about that
"Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault"
"I know, but I wish it didn't happen," I say quietly
We sit talking for a while until Maya and carina come and sit on the sofa with us while we watch tv for a bit
"Bella?" carina asks Maya who's is sitting with her but is now staring at the floor in front of her
"Did someone say something?" I ask
"No, I don't think so," she says trying to get her out of it before it becomes a big deal
"Come on Bella" she whispers, rubbing her hand up and down her arm
"Do you want me to go?" Olivia asks
"No, it's ok," carina says
"I-," Maya mutters as she looks at carina worriedly
"it's ok Maya, breath for a minute ok?"
"Do you think my mom has gone to see my dad?" she says randomly to carina
"Hm?" she says confused
"She seems to have taken my dad's side so what if she has gone to visit him in jail, she could've easily bailed him out," she says, starting to hyperventilate
"I thought your dad was against your mom?" I say, confused
"He was but what if she saw him and told him that she agreed with what he did, and they've teamed up? With my mom's help, he could easily kill me and Stephanie, I already know he wants me dead, he's already tried" she says truly panicking
"But you stopped him, Bella, you're ok, Stephanie's ok," carina said trying to calm her down
"No, they only stopped beating Stephanie because they thought she was dead, if she hadn't remembered to play dead, they would've actually done it. What if my mom pretends she's sorry just so she knows where we are at all times and then my dad- he could kill me- no- he can't-," she says with tears in her eyes
"Ok Bella, stop for a minute, calm down," carina says, trying to slow down her mind
"No, but-,"
"No Maya, that's enough" carina says, wrapping her arms around her and putting her head on her chest
"You can go to your room if you want Bambina, I'm just going to sit with her" carina tells me
"Ok, get me if you need me"
"ok"
Olivia and I go into my room and sit on my bed, Olivia looking confused and me just sitting there worrying.
"Are you ok?" she asks, breaking me out of my thoughts
"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine" I say
"What are you thinking about?" she says quietly
"What Maya said is right, he could kill her," I say coldly, not looking at her
"Would he?"
"Yeah, he tried once and then when we got him arrested, he sent his gang to go and kill her mom and sister"
"Is her mom good or bad?"
"She thought she was good but then she said some stuff so now she's bad"
"Can I ask you something?" she says quietly as I nod
"Why do you sometimes call her mom and sometimes call her Maya?"
"I um- it's complicated," I say hesitantly
"it's ok, come sit here," she says gesturing to the place next to her where she was sitting against the headboard
"Does Maya not like being touched?" she asks as I sit next to her
"No, only by me and carina"
"that's nice I guess"
"Yeah, I hate when she has attacks though"
"I can see why"
"That wasn't a bad one" I whisper
"What does a bad one look like?"
"Once she had an attack so bad that she locked herself in the bathroom and we found her sitting with a bag of blades. Another time she slipped away with a knife and said she wanted to slit her wrists until she bled out." I say with tears forming
"I'm sorry"
"Sorry doesn't take it away" I mumble
"I know, is there anything I can do?" she says as I shake my head
"I'm sorry that you came over and now I'm a mess"
"I'd rather you be a mess than think that you're perfect"
"Well then you're in luck because I'm far from that"
"Do you cut?" she asks softly as I finally lock eyes with her, giving her an answer without saying anything
"I haven't in a while" I add, knowing she'll want to ask
"Ok, now you have to tell me something, make it even," I say smiling slightly
"Ok, um... the reason I asked to meet up was because my dad kicked me out of the house, and I didn't know where else to go"
"Really?"
"yeah" she sighs
"Will he let you back in?" I say
"Well, he was pretty drunk when he kicked me out, so he's probably already forgotten at this point, I'll just sneak in the back and lock myself in my room"
"I used to do that," I say, not realising she wouldn't understand
"I thought Maya and carina were good?"
"They are" I start "I'm going to tell you something but only because none of this makes sense without it and for some reason, I feel like I can tell you"
"Ok..."
"I met Maya and carina a few months ago in the hospital, I had cut again, and my doctor was friends with them. I was freaking out and wouldn't let anybody touch me so they brought them in, thinking that because Maya doesn't like being touched either, she would be able to help."
"Why did you cut?"
"Because I knew that if I cut deep enough then they would admit me to psych where I would be safe. I lived with my dad who was abusive, he had friends who would come over and beat me up, pour alcohol down my throat... rape me. Being in psych was better than being at home"
"And they took you in?"
"Yeah, I trusted Maya not to touch me after she had an attack with me there, after that I knew she wasn't lying, and I felt like someone understood me."
"So, you're not a perfect family"
"Nope, what does your dad do?"
"He um... beats me up and stuff," she says quietly
"What other stuff, Olivia? Just by the way you're sitting you look like you're in pain"
"that's because he raped me this morning," she says as a tear rolls down her cheek
"What?" I ask sadly
"Yeah, so everything hurts" she whispers
"Come here," I say with my arms out, wanting to comfort her
"You don't like being touched," she says confused
"I know, and I'm giving you a free pass so take it," I say laughing slightly as she smiles as she wraps her arms around me
"I literally cannot believe I just did that," I say
"Thank you" she whispers
We eventually lay down a bit, still hugging each other as I watch her wince in pain every now and then
"What hurts?" I say
"Everything, I'm bruised everywhere," she says with tears silently falling out
"Can I see?" I say before she lifts her shirt up a bit, revealing her stomach which is entirely covered in purple bruises
"Oh liv," I say softly
"it's ok, I'm ok"
"Can I touch them?" I whisper
"Will it hurt?" she asks
"I won't hurt you," I say as she nods
I place my hand gently on top of her skin as her breath hitches in her throat.
"it's ok" I whisper, moving my hand softly over the bruises, not applying pressure anywhere
"How far do they go?" I ask, wanting to know how badly she was bruised
"Let me put it this way... there is a reason there isn't an inch of skin showing" she said motioning to her hoodie and jeans
"I'm sorry" I whisper, still tracing patters over her bruised stomach
"don't be, I'm managing it," she says strongly
"That doesn't mean it has to be ok" I whisper
"I know," she starts "the first day I come in with the fire alarm, I had actually brought a new one at the store and smashed it myself just so I could go somewhere where I knew that if my dad did find me, there would be people to stop him from hurting me"
"Really?"
"Yeah, he had just beaten me up again and started throwing glass bottles, so I managed to run out"
"what's the worst he's done before?" I ask
"He broke my nose once, I went to the hospital and told them I fell on a poll or something. No one asked any questions, so it must've been believable, what about you?"
"My entire stomach and chest are covered in scars from glass bottles and knives that he threw at me, I never went to the hospital because I knew there wasn't anything I could say that wouldn't make them call child protective services, so they all healed terribly and got infected"
"Can I see them?" she whispers
"I um..." I say, not knowing whether I should or not
"I won't judge," she says quietly as I nod my head
I lift the bottom of my hoodie up, revealing the bottom of the biggest one. It starts at my left shoulder and goes across my entire torso, ending at my hip.
"How did he do that?" she asks, running her finger over it
"I was standing behind him and he got mad at something someone said, I didn't know this at the time, but he had a pocketknife in his hand so when he turned around he just cut right through me, it's the worse one I have"
"How bad did it hurt?"
"Terribly, and then to make matters worse, he poured a bottle of vodka over me which burned like hell. I was close to going to the hospital, but fear got the better of me and after getting infected twice, it managed to heal by itself. It looks terrible though" I say as I look at it
"No, it doesn't," she mutters
I pulled my hoodie up higher, revealing my entire stomach which was one big scar at this point
"Do Maya and carina know?"
"I don't think so, they know what he did but I've never shown them, I've never had a reason to"
"Where did you cut?"
"My wrists," I say, pulling my sleeves up, not really bothered by them considering how terrible the rest of me looks
"Have they seen them?" she asks
"Probably, I mean, I haven't directly shown them, but I don't keep them hidden, it's just coincidence that I'm wearing a hoodie today"
"Thank you for showing me" she whispers as I just nod
"And to answer your previous question, I guess I just haven't gotten used to calling her mom yet"
We lay together for a while, looking at the marks on each other while I try to stop worrying about Maya