Mayas POV
I woke up the next day with carina but couldn't help but feel guilty for what's happening. I don't want her to feel like I don't trust her so I'm going to make these stupid exercises work no matter what.
"Morning Bella" I heard carina whisper
"morning"
"Are you ok?" she asked. I nodded my head on her chest, knowing that if I spoke, she would be able to tell something was wrong.
"Do you want to do anything today?"
"Can we go down to the station? Not to work, just to see everyone"
"If you want to"
After laying there for a while, we finally got up and got ready. Carina drove us to the station, and we walked into reception to be met by a very excited Travis
"Oh my god! I've missed you!" he screamed while running around
"Travis it's been 5 days," I say
"Exactly!"
"Well, we're going to the beanery, you coming?"
"Obviously, my two favourite people are here!"
We walked upstairs into the beanery and were met by everyone's shocked faces at the sight of me and carina. Travis was following behind us, practically dancing around.
"Bishop!" Vic screamed
"Hey!" I said to everyone, shocked by how surprised they are
"Hey you two" warren said
We sat down at the table with everyone, sitting next to each other.
"How are you both?" Andy asked
"Were good" carina answered
"How are you doing as captain?" I asked Andy
"I hate it. How do you enjoy this, it's just a bunch of paperwork, I haven't run into a fire in ages!"
"I like the power" I laughed
Carinas POV
I loved seeing Maya this way. Happy. It was like she come alive as soon as she stepped foot in this place. Maya was talking to the guys and Andy and Vic gestured that they wanted to talk to me. We went downstairs to reception and sat down on the spinning chairs which Andy found quite entertaining.
"So, how's she been doing?" Vic asks
"Well, we've started therapy and she's ok with it at the minute. She's been quiet though recently; this is the most excited I've seen her in a while"
"she's always been like that, she's happiest when she's here, we're like her family, and not metaphorically, for years, we've been all she has," Andy says
"Well, we'll probably be here again soon then."
"Good, we've missed you both" Vic says smiling
We went back upstairs and saw Maya playing table football with dean who was upset as he was losing. Travis and Jack were cheering them on as warren was like the dad in the back trying to keep the peace.
I stood watching for a while, happy that Maya was smiling again until Maya noticed me.
"I've beat dean like 3 times now" she gloats
"of course, you have" I smile
"Well, I'm going to practice with warren so the next time you're here, I'm going to beat you 4 times"
"You wish" Maya laughed
I eventually managed to tear Maya away from everyone and got us back down to reception. We said bye to everyone and made our way back to our car. Right before I was about to open the door, Maya pulled me in for a massive hug.
I was completely caught off guard but hugged her back. We stayed there for a while enjoying each other's touch and I knew how much this meant for Maya
"I'm sorry I'm not like that with you" she whispered
"What do you mean?"
"I'm always happy when I'm there, I don't know why but it just sparks something in me. I'm not like that with you though"
"I don't want you to always be happy when you are around me, Maya. I want you to get upset and get angry, I want you to feel everything. Don't be sorry"
We both got into the car, and I drove us home, my hand in her lap the whole time.
We sat on the sofa together watching tv, like we do most days, while I was stroking her back. We had another therapy appointment tomorrow that I knew Maya wasn't too happy about, but we knew it was the only chance of helping her.
When it finally got dark, we went and layed in bed with the tv on instead of on the sofa. Maya was quiet and I could tell she was thinking about something, and I didn't want to interrupt her, so I just allowed her to think.
After a while, I wanted to check she was just daydreaming and not having an attack
"Bella"
"Hm?"
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, why"
"Just wanted to check, what are you thinking about?"
"I- I don't know whether or not I should try the blindfold thing again" she whispered
"If you want to then we can"
"Can we try it?" she asked hesitantly
"of course. Come here" I said patting the spot next to me as I sat up
"You ready?" I asked with the blindfold in my hands.
She nodded so I slowly covered her eyes with the black material. I didn't touch her face and tied it behind her head loosely. She put her head down on my shoulder as she was sitting with it on.
She didn't seem as nervous as last time but still didn't seem like she enjoyed it obviously. She was holding my hands tightly while breathing deeply, trying to keep it on as long as she could.
She managed to do it for longer than last time before pulling it off quickly and breathing fast.
"Shhh, it's ok Bella, it's ok" I whispered, pulling her as close as possible as she tried to calm herself down
"What happened, are you ok?" I added
"I don't know I just panicked." She said between gasps
"it's ok, breathe Bella, breathe"
"Whys this so hard?" she asked as tears started spilling out
"We knew it wouldn't be easy Bella," I said, not knowing what else to say
"I hate this" she sobbed
"Shhhh, I know Bambina, I know"
She finally calmed herself down and fell asleep in my arms closely followed by me. I wanted nothing more than to take the pain away, for it to be me who was hurting this badly instead of her.
Maya's POV
I woke up with carina who was rubbing up and down my back. I knew we had the therapy appointment today and I wasn't in the mood for it. I know I never will be, but I just really didn't want to go.
"Morning Bella" carina whispered
I didn't feel as if I had the energy to answer her, so I just laid in her arms silently.
"Are you nervous?" she asked to which I replied with a nod.
"it's ok Bella, I'll be with you" she whispered, making me tear up but I tried to hide it
"Hey, look at me" she whispered again
I turned my head up to look at her knowing there was no way of hiding it and was met by carinas upset look
"Come here bambina" she said, pulling me in even closer
"So che hai paura bellissima, ma ti proteggerò sempre, qualunque cosa accada. ce la faremo e poi non avrai mai più un attacco! sei al sicuro con me Maya. sempre she whispered instantly calming me down.
I don't know what it is, but whenever I hear her speak her native language, it instantly relaxes me.
"there's that beautiful smile," she said happily
After a while, we got ready and headed to her office, the whole time carina tried to comfort me the best she could.
Once we got there, we sat on the sofa again, and I was as close to carina as I could be.
"So, how are we doing, any more attacks?" she asked directed at carina
"Were ok, no more attacks thankfully, just anxious about coming in today" she replied
"that's understandable, I honestly don't know a person that enjoys coming here, they just sort of put up with it" she joked making carina smile back but I remained emotionless
"So, did you try the blindfold exercise?" she asked carina, probably noticing that I wasn't in the mood to talk.
"Yes, we've done it twice" carina answered
"And how was that?" she asked carina
"It wasn't too bad I don't think. It wasn't easy but she kept it on for 30 seconds or so the first time and a few minutes the second time."
"And how did you feel?" she asked me but didn't get a response
"that's ok, you don't have to tell me anything. You can tell carina everything before our appointment and she can tell me if you want. I'm not going to make you say anything. If I ask you a question and you want to answer it then you can but if you don't, then you can just ignore me. Don't worry" she smiled
"It- it wasn't that bad. I fall asleep with carina every night, so it wasn't much different" I said quietly
"Well, that's good to hear"
I was playing with the rings on carinas fingers on my lap while they continued talking about what happened.
"How would we feel about progressing it?" she asked
"How?" I asked nervously
"This is where I leave it up to you. You can start by just slowly moving away from carina until eventually, you're not touching at all, that way you don't have the reassurance that she's there and she's not doing anything. You can go as slow or as fast as you want, I'm not pushing you into anything" I nodded while thinking about what it would be like
I was fiddling with carinas rings again while my mind wandered. I was thinking about the one time I remembered him raping me. I managed to keep my mind off of this for a while but the idea of doing this brought it all back.
I remembered hearing him walking around the room while my eyes had swollen shut, I didn't know what he was going to do but I could hear every sound he made.
I heard the footsteps edging closer to me, I heard his breaths turn into growls, I heard his belt rattling, I heard shouting coming from downstairs, glasses breaking, him tormenting me, it all come back.
Carinas POV
I was talking to the doctor until I felt Maya stop playing with my rings. I was confused as she hadn't stopped doing it from the moment we sat down. I looked down at her and noticed her staring again
"Maya?" I whispered not knowing if she was just zoned out
When I got no response, I knew she was having a flashback in the one place she wouldn't want to have one. Dr Hahn caught on and just watched as I tried to get Maya back.
"Come on Bella, come back" I whispered while rubbing up and down her arm.
"it's me, its carina, Maya," I said as I felt her hand twitch
"Come back Maya, come on" I added as She started to breathe quicker and squeeze my hands
"you're at dr Hahn's office, you're ok, nobody's hurting you"
She started looking around as she started hyperventilating again.
"No, no Maya. Eyes on me, eyes only on me" I said as she looked over at me
"Breath Bella, breathe," I said looking into her eyes
I saw her take a few deep breathes as her eyes filled with tears. I got her to lay her head down on my shoulder and I was running my hand up and down her thigh.
"I want to go," she said trying not to cry
"Calm down first Bella"
"No, I need to go," she said getting worked up.
"Why do you want to go Maya?" dr Hahn asks
She didn't answer her, and I could tell how panicked she was getting.
"that's ok, you can go, I'll call you later," she said to me
"Thank you"
Maya got up and raced to the car with me following behind. As soon as I unlocked it, we both got in and rode home silently. I watched Maya's leg bouncing up and down as she tried to hold back her tears. Once we got home, she immediately laid in bed facing the ceiling.
I laid next to her not touching her, knowing she may not be appreciative of that at the moment
"Maya," I whispered
"What was the flashback about?" I added
She didn't answer and I knew it was a case of playing the guessing game
"Was it your dad?" I asked, causing Maya to shake her head, no
"Hailey?" I asked, getting the same answer
"Robert?" I asked, making her nod her head
"Was he hitting you?" I asked, hoping it was just this. she shook her head no, making my heart drop to my stomach
"Raping you?" I whispered
"I- it was before he did it" she whispered "my eyes were... they were swollen shut. I could hear him walking around... the glasses breaking... what he was saying to me" she added desperate to not let out tears
"Bella?"
"yeah" she whispered
"Come here," I said, patting the spot next to me
She sat up and laid back in my arms with her head on my shoulder as I rubbed up and down her arm. Her eyes were still filled with tears as she was looking up trying to hold them back, for a reason I didn't know
"Bella why won't you let yourself cry?" I finally asked
"It only makes it worse" she whispered
"Hm?"
"If I cried, he would do it more"
"Oh Bambina, you're not there anymore, you're with me, you can cry, let yourself cry, Maya"
"Come here," I said patting the space between my legs as I was sitting against the headboard.
She sat between my legs resting against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. She leant her head back on my shoulder as I could see the tears in her eyes
"Let it out Bella, it's ok, I've got you" I whispered into her ear while holding onto her tight.
She finally let the tears spill while clinging onto my arms tightly.
Once she had started to calm down, I managed to lay her down and waited for her to fall asleep before going back to the lounge. My phone started buzzing and I picked it up to see dr Hahn calling.
"Dr Hahn?"
"Carina, I just wanted to check in after you left today"
"Yeah, everything's ok at the minute, she just panicked"
"Ok, well make sure she knows she's not being pressured into anything"
"Yeah, I will, thanks dr Hahn"
"No problem carina, bye"
"bye"
I went back into the bedroom and laid with Maya until I fell asleep with her
A/N
hey, I thought I'd give you a double update today. The next chapter is a good one so I'll probably update again later by the way
what do you think will happen?
please leave suggestions!
Xx