"Come on Kath we're waiting just for you!!" Christina called for Kath who was in the bathroom. Christina and I were sitting on the couch and behind us Dani, Lisa and Amy took the chairs. Arielle was standing next to computer in front of us, ready to start the livestream any moment.
"I'm here!" Kath came rushing in and sat between Chris and me.
"Thank god" Christina mumbled and I laughed at her attempt to sound annoyed.
"Okay everybody ready?" Arielle asked us with her finger hovering the keyboard, ready to press the start session, "And we're on" She pressed it.
We all shouted at the camera we were live and Christina said we had two announcements for them. Wait, we had TWO announcements? I only knew about the book one, what's the seconds?
For a second it crossed my mind that maybe the other announcement would be the song, but it wasn't finished yet, not even close. Then I thought maybe it would be about Dani's engagement, but they would fill us in if it was about that.
Arielle gave Kathrine the phone to read the chat comfortably, but we quickly decided to sing first before we got into the matters. So we sang Fall Back and then You're Worth It. And then we finally announced "we wrote a book" that we actually kind of practiced a couple minutes before the livestream on exactly how to say it.
Kathrine, who had been the most involved in the book than any of us, did the most talking for the next couple of minutes. Even though we were all supposed to be saying one or two chapters, she was so into it that she ended up telling them all. Obviously I didn't care, personally I'd rather talk as less as possible.
But then Christina got to my "section", were I had to say about my reading experience. I was already prepared for it, I knew what I wanted to say and made sure it was short, I didn't want to talk much. It felt weird. Those livestreams had always been weird for me, I only loved the singing parts.
The next "segment" was a pretty long one just talking about how the book is the sister advice and then about the giveaways. So the second announcement was the giveaway, of course Christina would make a big deal out of it, but whatever.
The Q&A part was a bit disappointed I gotta say, I thought people would ask more about the content of the book, but most questions had nothing to do about it. It's like people are not really listening. We already said how and where you can pre-order the book but people still ask that, and lots of questions about a European tour which we already said we weren't planning on it right now, unfortunately.
Thankfully it was over. It's not like I suffered, I was excited about the book and the announcement, but that was long. And I didn't like long videos because I felt like I didn't know what to say. Thankfully my sisters were always filling in. Usually, Dani would talk a lot too, today she was a little quieter, just a little.
**
A couple of days after the announcement Christina told us the pre-sales were going really well. Yesterday we celebrated my brother Alex's birthday, the entire family and Alex's friends. His girlfriend, Betsy, apparently had some family issues and couldn't come. But we made sure he had fun regardless. And right now I was hanging out with Spencer after not seeing her for a couple of days.
"We should really decide already on a place to eat, I'm starving!" Spencer claimed while we were walking down the main street holding hands, stopping to see some manuals every once in a while, trying to find something interesting to eat.
"I feel like we're in Europe or something, on a vacation trying to find a place to eat." I joked and she shook her head with a smile.
"Lauren?" I heard someone calling behind us and I pulled away from Spencer.
"In Europe you wouldn't bump into people you know" Spencer whispered as we turned around and saw my brother Alex with his girlfriend.
"Hey guys" I said as they got closer to us, "Paying him back for ditching yesterday?" I looked at Betsy teasingly and she laughed.
"Exactly" Betsy said and looked at Spencer questioningly and I got the hint.
"Oh Betsy, that's Spencer, Spence that's Betsy, Alex's girlfriend." I introduced them.
"Hi" Betsy smiled at my girlfriend who just smiled back, as always feeling awkward with introductions.
"Where were you headed?" Alex asked us and Spencer and I looked at each other.
"Trying to find a nice place to eat." I answered him.
"You guys wanna join us?"
"Oh no, don't wanna ruin your date." I dismissed it immediately, also don't want it be awkward with Spencer.
"Nah come on, it'll be fun, we don't mind" Betsy smiled at us and I looked at my girlfriend to get her opinion, she just shrugged her shoulders, letting me know she doesn't mind.
"Okay, do you know where?"
"Yeah, it's the one in the corner" Alex pointed and motioned for us to follow them.
"You sure you're okay with that?" Spencer asked me and I sighed, not knowing how things will go in that double date my brother just pushed me into.
We sat down in the table the waiter guided us to and started to look through the menu. Spencer always had it tough at restaurants, she was a little picky with her food, not that much, but still. She would usually order something with meat.
"You wanna get the mixed?" I asked her, seeing that there was a big dish of mixed kinds of meat.
"It's a big one Laur, I'm not that fat..."
"I meant to share" I explained rolling my eyes, and she nodded in agreement.
"Hey Laur?" Alex caught my attention and I looked up at him, he motioned at Spencer suggestively and I felt my heartbeat getting faster.
"W-what?" I asked stuttering.
"Are you guys... Like... I mean, there's something? Or...?" He didn't know how to ask that, and it only made me feel like I was right by not telling my family, it's like they have no idea about any of this stuff.
"Are you gay?" Betsy asked directly.
"What? No!" I answered right away, obviously I wasn't gay, I liked guys too. The only girl I ever had feelings for was Spencer.
"So you guys aren't dating or anything like that?" Alex insisted and I looked at Spencer who just glanced at me, but she didn't wanna get into that family thing, I just knew she'd back me up for whatever I decided to say.
"Yes, we are... just... don't tell anyone, okay?" I decided to tell him, Alex and I had always been really close, and he already saw Spencer and I holding hands in the middle of the street, so even if I lie to him he'd still suspect.
"So you ARE gay." Betsy said and I rolled my eyes, I loved Betsy but she could be annoying sometimes.
"Being with a girl doesn't make me gay, and I don't wanna think about labels, so drop it" I told her a little bit harsh.
"Calm down Laur" Alex tried to control the situation and I let him, I didn't want to cause a scene with his girlfriend. "Honestly I'm not surprised." I said after a while and I looked up at him surprised.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean sure, you've always had crushes on boys, but you were also always like a tomboy... playing sports with us, skateboard, and your outfit... even the way you sit sometimes..."
"What?! Are you serious? That's being stereotype Alex" He was starting to rub me off the wrong way and I didn't like this at all.
"No, no, Lauren, wait, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't think about it before, but now I'm looking back and I'm saying it makes sense."
The waiter had the perfect timing to come and take our orders, Alex ordered two different types of mixed dishes for all four of us to share and that gave me a little bit of time to calm down. It's my brother, I know that he meant well and that he supported me.
"I'll be right back" Spencer whispered a little shy and started walking to the bathroom.
"What's up with her?" Betsy asked when Spencer was far enough to not hear us.
"She's going to the bathroom" I looked at her confused.
"No, I mean... it's like she doesn't care what's going on..."
"Babe, don't get into that" Alex again tried to calm down the things, but he knew me too well to think I was dropping it and not stand up for my girlfriend.
"She's shy and I was having a conversation with my brother, so she didn't want to get involved! Why are you so quick to judge? Both of you!" I looked at my brother too just to let him know that I was still mad for his stereotype assessment on me.
"I'm sorry Laur, really" Alex said truthfully and Betsy decided to look down and not say anything else. "Come with me" He whispered to his girlfriend and took her out of the restaurant.
I saw Alex a bit aggressive with Betsy but I didn't care, I was glad he stood up for me even if his choice of word also wasn't the best.
"Where'd they go?" Spencer sat back down next to me and I just rested my head on her shoulder, sighing deeply, "I guess you think that confirms why you're so scared of telling your family about us..."
"What do you mean that's what I think?" I sat back up and looked at her.
"You're scared of reactions like that."
"Oh yeah, maybe even worst" I looked back at my brother, they seemed to be finishing off the conversation.
"Don't worry babe, it'll be okay, I promise" She took my hand in hers and that made me look at her and smile back.
Alex and Betsy came back, they apologized briefly and Alex asked me to restart it all so we could have a nice time. So I did. And the rest of the dinner was pretty nice, I guess it's thanks to the fact that Alex and I were the ones to carry the conversation going.
**
Amy was sitting on the couch talking on the phone as always, when I got in after Spencer dropped me off. I felt exhausted after that dinner, emotionally of course. I guess Amy noticed that because she said to her buddy-call she had to go and hung up.
"What's wrong Lauren?" She asked me from the couch as I walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
I took my time to think how to answer. I walked through the possibility of telling her I'm okay, telling her just that Alex and Betsy kind of pissed me off, or try to come up with something else. Maybe even just tell her the truth. Amy waited patiently for me to come and sit next to her, so I finally did, still with the glass in my hand.
"Have you ever been judged by someone close to you? Like a family member?" I asked her without looking at her.
"What are you talking about? Who said what to you?" She asked concerned and put one hand on my shoulder.
"It doesn't matter." I won't snitch on my brother and his girlfriend, it really doesn't matter.
"Was it bad?"
"Not that bad, it just scares me that everyone else will react even worse" I tried to explain to her.
"Our family had always been a safe place to be who we are without being judged, so maybe that... encounter... was just a misunderstanding? Maybe if you guys talk you can sort it out." Amy suggested with a sad smile and I smiled back at her, but didn't say anything.
Maybe she was right, maybe I should talk to Alex alone in a calm environment. I knew Alex meant well, but his choice of words bothered me, and his girlfriend's. Saying that the way I dress and sit was me being gay, that's stereotype and wrong and I didn't like it, especially because I didn't even look at girls that way until I met Spencer. And Betsy was misjudging Spencer saying that she didn't care about what was going on, but of course she was wrong. I need to talk to Alex.
"Thanks Ames" I patted her knee and got up to go to my room.
"Lauren" She called me and I turned around, "You've been really off lately, is that why you feel judged?" She asked me, but again I couldn't bring myself to answer, "You don't have to go through this alone, we love you no matter what."
I smiled at her nodding slightly and walked to my room. That last sentence made want to listen to Pretty Pink. But I didn't need to listen to it, I didn't want to cry and I knew the song by heart, I just needed to believe it now. That was the hardest part.