The service in my mind was beautiful, all it needed to be. The words that were spoken had tears in my eyes, tears I didn't fight, didn't care to fight. He's gone, he's finally gone. The flowers on the casket, a bright array of Lilies, Rose, Carnations, Orchids. It's a story of his life, of his fight and drive, the deep wooden casket says so much, the golden handles shine. Two pictures of Papa watch over the crowd, his service picture and a portrait. Nothing will fill this void.
The folded flag is held by my mother, even her eyes are watering, her newest beau holds her close, looking stoic as ever, blank eyes stare vacantly at the casket. And she thinks I'm in the wrong for Digger being here? I don't understand that, it's not like I want to understand her anyways. The crowd of people here all mourn a beloved member of the community, their eyes glitter with tears, watery smiles cover their features. All but one.
I'm not shocked that the bitch showed up, even less shocked that she almost looks like she gives a damn. If her eyes weren't glittering with pleasure, I might be inclined to think she gave a damn. She gets a kick out of seeing my tears. This only fuels my anger, fans the flames angrily. I don't know why she thought it would be smart to come here, maybe to rub it in. Maybe to make another play.
"It was an honor to serve with Clyde." My thoughts are shattered as I turn to look at an older gentleman approaching in his old air force uniform. The uniform, clean pressed, medals and patches worn proudly offers me a salute. Respect has me nodding and I offer a salute of my own.
"Thank you Sir, Papa always spoke highly of you." He loved his unit, the men he flew with. Every year he took a trip to get together and see them, the week long trip always left him refreshed and in a chipper mood. All of that is gone, forever gone. The man smiled as he shakes my hand with a friendly smile.
"He spoke highly of you too my dear, he was always bragging about his girl. You were his world." Lt Johnson offers me another warm smile, his words melt my heart as he moves on, the trail of men in uniforms slowly creeps forward as they share their own words. Each one walks away with a chunk of my heart. Dad's gone, the memories shared only dig that blade in deeper to burn hotter. Digger stands by my side, my team stands to my other side, silently supporting me.
I feel her eyes boring holes into me, into my form, her twisted amusement sets a stone cold rage burning wildly in the pit of my stomach. I meet her stare stoically as she approaches with a subdued and docile Kevin trailing after her. He at least has the sense to keep his eyes averted. "Dakota... It's a shame." She starts off and fakes a sad face, her eyelashes flutter, the side of her lip quirks up barely. Bitch. "I'm sure this is taking such a toll on you, it's a terrible loss." She tilts her head and places her hand on her heart, an act of fake sympathy.
"He was a great man and a big figure in the community." I offer her a nod as she stares at me, her eyes twinkling in victory at the cold tone in my voice. People are looking, rumors spread like wildfire around here, they all put two and two together that we fought each other. Yet she's looking pretty good since the last time I was this close to her.
"I've heard many good things about him, he sounds like a friend to everyone here." She comments with a serene smile as a couple murmur their condolences quickly, moving around the small group. The tension is palpable in the area, most stand back to watch.
"He was a character many loved and few argued with." I agree with her amicably, keeping it simple. Because I so want to pull out my weapon and fill that smug face full of lead. She offers what many would think is a pleasant, maybe even warm smile and a soft laugh.
"I'm sorry for your loss, it must be a terrible thing. Especially having to look around here for a living, the reminder must be painful." Isadora shakes her head with a sad smile. The bitch dares. If I had any less restraint I'd be choking the shit out of this thing. Keep calm, it'll all round out soon, Karma bites hard around here. "I know I wouldn't be able to stand living here, knowing this is where my Dad died." She pulls Kevin closer as I fight to roll my head and crack my neck. Or maybe just my knuckles.
"Papa loved this place, as do I; it'd be an honor to fall here." Test me, I'm packing extra now honey. "Now, if you'd excuse me, I have to see my mother off." I give a nod and turn on my heel to not give them another moment to spare. My eyes glance over Axel, Snake and their old ladies; I offer a small nod watching as the guys give each other a glance. One of the few times I've been happy to have to do something with my mother. She stands to the side, soaking up attention from everyone who offers condolences.
"Dakota..." She hiccups as she turns her head my way, I can't tell if she's putting on a show to save face or this actually hurts her. Who really knows with her anymore. My feet carry me blindly to her.
"Come one Mom, let's get you home." I offer quietly, keeping my tone neutral if not dead. No emotion is better than laying it all out there. She hiccups as she clutches to me, holding tight as I force her legs to carry her. Her Beau, Mr. Carlton Junior walks by her side, hand pressed to her back. Maybe, just maybe dad meant more to her then she let on.
"He's gone..." She trailed off with a broken breath, her shuttering sound squeezed my heart. Yeah... He's gone. I know I keep repeating myself, the same things being refreshed in my mind. Damn this is worse than my first kill. The flashbacks that continue to welcome me in the darkest hours of night, or the darkest recesses of my mind are enough to haunt Lucifer himself. I'm pathetic.
"I know." I murmur just as quietly to her as I keep my gaze focused on her car. Just get her out of here. Her nails bit into my arm, sure to leave crescent moon impressions on my arm.
"He was sick, did you know that?" Her words make me stop and turn to look at her with pinched brows.
"Sick?" She nods, fresh tears in her eyes as she covers her mouth, her man walks past us, leaving us to ourselves. "Again?" Why didn't I see it? Cold lead sinks to the pit of my stomach, chilling me.
"H-he didn't want you to know, said it'd be easier if he accepted it... Your Papa didn't want to fight it anymore." She sighs as she gives a shake of her head making me stare at her.
"Why... why didn't he tell me?" He should've told me... I could've fixed it... tried to make it better...
"This... this is why he didn't tell you, baby, you can't fix this. Cancer is nasty, you can't take it out back like other problems." She sniffles and meets my eyes, a shadow dances in her own. "Theres a lot your father and I kept secret from you, you didn't need to worry about it. But what I do know is that is a war..." I stare at her for a long moment, just watching her. How much does she know of what's going on?
"Mom..." I offer quietly as I look at her, the shadows solidify as she stares me down.
"Make it right Dakota. Make your father proud... make me proud baby." She murmurs and gives me a tight hug before she turns. I'm too stunned to move right away, to hug her back. Not nearly as clueless as I thought.
"I will Mom... It'll be right again." She stops by her car and offers a watery smile before she blows a kiss to me. I'm frozen in place as I watch her car leave, questions linger in my mind, leaving me restless. One by one, cars leave, people understand the service is over. I want to be alone with Papa.
"Dakota?" Kevin's voice makes my spine stiffen and my lips thin. There is no way in hell I have the strength for this.
"Leave." My fists shake even as I stand here, staring down the driveway.
"We need to talk-"
"No, the fuck we don't. You have three seconds to get the hell off my property." I growl, not trusting myself to turn around. Walk away, you don't need attention drawn here even more. Yet deep down, I know what's gonna happen, I know I need to nail him, get anger out. Sleeping with a killer, cheating on me with a damn killer.
"Kota, please, hear me-" My arm reels back and I nail him in the jaw, his head snaps back as his eyes jump open wide.
"I don't have to hear shit! I told you to stay the fuck away Kevin." I spit his name like it's acid, burning my tongue on the way out. He looks at me dazed, holding his jaw, stunned I nailed him.
"No! Dammit, Kota, hear me out! It's not what you think it is!"
"Really? Fucking really? Then spit it out Kevin!" The few people that remain stand back, watching, for his safety or mine, I'm not sure. I'd bet on him at the moment.
"She approached me, I didn't know she wanted the land... She talked sweet, before I knew it we were both drunk and she had a hold over me." He rushes out and makes me stare at him, the anger furling in my belly chills.
"You thought with your dick, it doesn't matter, you still saddled up with Mr. Callegary, did you really think I'd just forget that?" His skin pales as he shakes his head, moving to stand.
"Bab-" I don't care as I knee him, knocking him back.
"Don't! You don't have the damn right to call me that, go to hell Kevin, get lost before I bury you where your ass is planted." I growl as my hands lock into the collar of his shirt.
"Shit- Dakota, I only wanted to be with you, I was keeping him close, enemies closer than friends, remember?" I push him away and step back, fighting the urge to drill my fists into his face.
"No, you don't fuck enemies, you don't lay with them, you backstabbed me for money. You wanted to keep your image clean, not stained..." I shake my head, the last standing piece of my heart breaks terribly. Why? Have I ever been enough?
"Dakota... what do you mean?" He asks quietly.
"You're broke and so in debt you couldn't stand to stay in town, so your trips... Yeah, I know about those, to Vegas, you're clients... Not everything stays in Vegas, your last call threatened to make you pay, so you stepped in the wrong grave. You've been after my pocket and the ranch's pocket from the beginning... Leave before everyone knows who you really are." The loss of what I thought was years of friendship, was really nothing more than a play to get in bed with old money. And I almost let him... He never wanted me, just the money I could offer.
"Little Lady?" Digger calls lowly, his voice traveling across the distance with ease, making me look at him. His strong features sooth something, calming eyes, filled with emotions... at me.
"Let's go for a ride Cowboy."