That evening, Pria walked out of the elevator, into the ground floor lobby. Brogue stood by the exit, giving her a once over. Knowing there was no use to run, she walked over to him. "Looking a bit peckish, Agent Donati. You should eat something."
"My thoughts exactly. You owe me a meal."
Pria gave him a barely-there curve of her lips. "Unfortunately, you have to take a rain check. I've got plans."
"Niki can take that fucking rain check. You're going to pay up." He took her arm and led her away.
Pria bit her lip, bravado slipping as he led her to the parking garage. In this moment, he was all Drew and it made her nervous. The garage was alive with people getting ready to go home. His truck beeped and before she could say anything, he opened the door and lifted her up into it.
"Put your seat belt on," he said as he climbed in.
Scowling, Pria grabbed the belt and snapped it into place. "You can take me to the train station."
"Pass me the gum."
"Get it yourself."
Gold clashed with brown. He reached for the gum, keeping his eyes locked on hers. He was so close. Without meaning to, she inhaled softly. Her belly swirled as his scent clouded around her, making her breath come a little quicker. He lowered his gaze to her mouth, but when her lips parted, he popped a stick into his mouth and settled back in his seat. Pulling out of the parking spot, he asked, "What do you want to eat?"
"I'm not hungry."
He groaned, mouth drawing down distastefully. "Sushi it is."
They sat across from each other at her favorite restaurant. Brogue was scowling down at the menu and Pria hid her smile behind her water glass. Brogue hated sushi.
It had never stopped him from bringing her here, though, when she'd asked. Her smile faded at the thought. No one she'd ever dated, really dated, would have done that for her. "Why are we here?"
Brogue looked up at her. "Because you ate my fucking lunch."
"No." She shook her head. "The truth. You hate sushi. Why do this to yourself?"
He put the menu down to give her his attention. "Because I knew you wouldn't turn it down."
Pria kept her gaze level. "Are you enjoying this little game of yours?"
"Not at all." He leaned forward onto the table. "I wanted to give us a chance to talk."
"We already have. You were clear. I was—"
"Stop," he interrupted. "There's more to be said."
"Like what, Agent Donati?" Pria leaned forward, matching his posture. It was difficult enough to keep her voice lowered, but there was no controlling her words. "Are you going to tell me that you didn't use me and lie to me for two years? Because you did, and there's no getting around that. Are you going to tell me that you're sorry? You had that opportunity and passed it up. So excuse me if I'm having a little trouble seeing this as more than a game, because you and I really have nothing left that needs to be said. You were clear. I was the most convenient target you had, and you did what needed doing. Be satisfied with the outcome. You worked hard for it."
The waiter came. Any other time, she may not have ordered, but the words were bubbling up inside of her, demanding to be let loose. She rambled off her favorite items and tapped her foot until the waiter left. She didn't give Brogue a chance to say anything. "I think what really bothers me isn't so much the fact that you used me, but the fact that you let me fall for you. I would have welcomed you as a friend. You could have gotten your 'in' that way, but no, you let me fawn all over you like a puppy. Even when you warned me not to let my feelings get involved, you wouldn't let me pull away. Every time—every-single-time I tried—you found a way to make me stay, and that's the hardest part for me because it doesn't make any sense. The only thing I can figure is that maybe Sal behaved differently whenever I was mad at you, but even that could have been worked around. The way he relied on you, he would have gotten over it quickly enough."
She rubbed a finger along her nose as she looked with sightless eyes around the restaurant. "There were times you were so intense, you overwhelmed and intimidated me." Brogue winced, but remained silent. "You didn't have to look at me the way you did. You didn't have to hold me or take care of me. You didn't have to kiss ass the way you did every time I was mad at you. You didn't have to make me feel like I was more than I really was. Maybe you needed me in the beginning, I don't know, but I'd wager six months in and you could have ended things with me and still succeeded. Instead, you let it drag out for two fucking years."
She turned to him again, meeting his quiet expression. "This whole thing left me doubting myself so much that it felt like forever before I trusted myself to make simple decisions. If it weren't for Niki constantly pushing me, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. Williams told me that sometimes we just need to accept something shitty happened, and she's right. But it's hard, because sometimes when I look at you, I still see Drew, and that messes with my head. These last few years have been a mind-fuck-and-a-half, and I'm struggling to keep my shit together, but I don't know how I'm going to do that if you keep playing games with me. We don't have to be friends now. We don't have to have dinners. We work together, and that's awkward enough, you know? I just want to let it go."
Brogue cleared his throat, running a finger back and forth on the table as he accepted her words. He took a moment, then said, "Thank you."
Pria blinked. "Thank you?"
"Yes. Thank you for being willing to put that out there. The thing is, your actions aren't matching your words. If you really wanted to let it go, you wouldn't have eaten my lunch. You wouldn't be rearranging my desk whenever I'm not in the office. You wanted my attention and you've got it. The question is, what do you want with it?"
Pria lifted a shoulder, letting her exasperation show. "Do I look like I know?"
He took one of her small hands and cupped it in both of his. "I think I might have an idea, but I don't want to push you. I will say, you're probably curious about me. So, ask me whatever you want."
"I do have one question." She pulled her hand free and fiddled with the chopsticks in front of her. "The first time I tried to end things, why didn't you let me? I would have been fine then."
He shifted in his seat but didn't hedge his answer. "I had every intention of letting it be. I really did, but it was a crazy night. I felt like shit, I was angry at the situation, and I was so distracted I kept making mistakes and it was a bad night for that. Sal got pissed and kept pushing and pushing. And I'm sorry, Pria, I really am, but there was just too much to consider, so I gave in and let him play his big brother routine." He paused, looking indecisive, then continued. "I don't entirely regret it either, because I got to be with you a little longer. By that point, despite the job, you were mine, and I wasn't ready to give you up. But it fucking hurt to know I was hurting you. I still remember the look on your face when you refused to look at me that night. You think I didn't need you, but I did. And not just because of Sal. I needed you for me too."
The food came. Brogue didn't even glance at his plate. He kept his eyes on her, gauging her reaction to his words.
Pria didn't know what to say. She stared into her plate. She'd need more than food to help her figure out her thoughts. And there was no way in hell she was going to address his last sentence. Because just like his midnight confession in front of the elevator, his words were past tense.
She met his expectant gaze, but didn't know what it was he was looking for in her expression. "Well, we have it out there now. Are you satisfied?"
He sighed. "Not yet, but I'm going to let the dust settle for now. What about you?"
"I'm not sure." She moved some food around on her plate. "Can't really say it helped, but I guess I'm mostly relieved. Now that you've gotten what you wanted, maybe you'll stop annoying me."
Brogue smiled. "After the way you rearranged my desk? No, ma'am."
Pria turned her attention to her food. He seriously needed to stop smiling at her like that.
As Pria began to eat, Brogue glared at his plate like a picky toddler. A bit of mischief made her take her sweet time eating, wondering how far she could push him since he was in such an accommodating mood. After a while, Brogue gave up and sat back, his plate barely touched.
"Are you going to eat that?"
"Hell no." He pushed his plate toward her. "I don't know how you eat that crap."
Pria did her best to finish his food, too, but soon realized it was a losing battle. As she held the chopsticks, she looked down at the plate, telling herself she could eat one more bite.
Brogue snorted. "I know what you're doing, brat."
Pria fanned her lashes at him. "What do you mean?"
"You were full fifteen minutes ago. You know I'm hungry. You're just being petty."
"Actually, I could go for some dessert." But the thought made her feel a little green around the gills.
Brogue laughed and pulled the plate away from her. "Enough. You're not throwing up in my truck."
They were halfway to the Amtrak and Pria was moaning, arms wrapped around her middle. "This is your fault. Why did you let me eat so much?"
Brogue glanced over at her, then pulled over at the nearest gas station to get her an Alka-Seltzer and some water. Opening the passenger's side door, he stood in front of her and prepared the tonic. "Here."
Pria took a sip and grimaced. "It's not working."
The corner of his mouth hitched up. "You only took one sip. Drink up."
"I don't know how to take you, Donati. You confuse me."
Brogue put his hand under hers, pushing the bottle toward her mouth. "Then get to know me."
When they got back on the road a few minutes later, she rested her head against the seat back and watched him as he drove. It amazed her how one person could be both so familiar and so much a stranger all at once.
Feeling her eyes on him, he glanced over at her. "How do you feel?"
"Better," she admitted reluctantly. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
"Why was us having this little chat so important to you? It's not like I was harassing you or trying to make your life miserable. I think I've done pretty well leaving you alone."
"You ate my lunch ..."
Pria gave a rueful smile. "You deserved it."
He placed his hand on her forearm, brushing his thumb along her skin briefly before pulling back. "That's why I wanted to have this talk. We're on a totally different playing field now, and that means that whatever we were before needs to evolve. That won't happen if we don't figure out how to put the past behind us. I won't give you the whole we're-a-team-now-and-need-to-trust-each-other spiel, but it's part of our new dynamic, and you do need to take what we do into consideration. But, regardless of that, back then and now, I care about you. When you hurt someone you care about, it sits inside you and it doesn't feel good."
This was yet another new side of Brogue—a side she liked. Drew had never spoken to her like this—open, sincere, unguarded, and unaffected. Drew didn't have a soulful side that she could remember, but Brogue seemed to. When Brogue spoke to her, she didn't get the sense that he was just saying what she wanted to hear. She didn't feel manipulated.
How was that for a revelation?
"You know," she couldn't help but point out, "if you just admitted to yourself that you do feel guilty, you might feel better."
Brogue shook his head. "I don't feel guilty. Regretful maybe, but not guilty.
Pria gave him the side-eye. "That's the same thing."
He looked at her, not concealing his expression. "No, because I don't feel bad about arresting Sal or doing what needed to be done." He brushed a knuckle along her arm. "But I do regret that we met under the circumstances we did. Any other time, I think you and I could have had a real shot."
Color rose up her neck and flooded her face. Turning to the road in front of them, Pria reminded him, "You don't have to say things like that anymore. New dynamic, remember?"
"Except I mean it. If you'd consider it."
"I don't even know you, Donati."
"Yeah, well, there's all the time in the world for that now."
Neither spoke until he pulled up by her car and she opened the door to leave. He caught her hand before she could exit. "Will you think about it?"
Was the man an idiot? He had to know that's all she'd be thinking about. Not that she would admit that to him. She couldn't. She already knew what it was like to lose him. She wasn't going to put herself through that again. Then, of course, she'd have to tell him about the baby. How did someone even start a conversation like that? No, things were better off as they were.
"What was that?" he demanded, eyes hardening.
"What?"
"That look that just passed over your face. It's the same look you had that morning before you went in to confront Donna. What are you thinking?"
"N–nothing." She looked into his brown eyes, feeling regret wash through her. "I don't think it's wise. We work too closely together."
"Once I get promoted, there's a possibility I'll have to transfer units. We might not see each other very much in a few weeks anyway."
She knew that. Part of her function was to keep track of the agents she worked with. It didn't change anything. "I think we're in a decent place right now. I want to leave well enough alone."
"You forget I know you, brat. You're not being honest with me. Like you said, we're in a decent place right now, so I'll leave it be. Just remember, eventually I'll get the truth out of you." Brogue released her hand.
Pria smiled tightly. "Well, good luck to you then, Agent Donati. Thanks for the ride."
Pria scurried to her car, knowing Brogue's watchful gaze would be on her until she drove away. Why was she feeling like this? Nothing had really changed. So why did she feel as if something important had just shifted between them?
And what the hell did he mean by "if you'd consider it?"
Did he mean consider giving him another chance? Or did he just want her to consider getting over her anger? Did he want to be friends? They could never just be friends.
Frustrated with herself, Pria stopped by the gas station to pick up something light she could munch on in the morning before work. The raid was planned for the next day in the early morning hours before the sun rose, and she hadn't done any grocery shopping. As she paid for her supplies, Pria's eyes landed on the display of gum on the rack.
She scowled. She needed to clear her head and stop thinking of him.
Pria tried to push Brogue out of her mind, but as she settled into bed that night, the fresh pack of gum she'd bought on impulse sat on the nightstand, silently mocking her until sleep gave her reprieve.