Zara POV
Zian was going berserk within me. She couldn't believe his audacity. I had to use everything to rein her in as my past trauma resurfaced. I moaned in pain as Blaze left stiffly, leaving the door shut behind him.
I mumbled to myself trying to calm Zian down. I didn't know which was up or down, or right or wrong in my mind. Everything was chaotic. She wouldn't listen, she wanted to go after him right now. She wanted him dead. And I shared the sentiment, but we didn't have the strength right now. And even if we didn't mark him back and it wasn't complete, if one of us died, the other would too. There was no way out of this.
And the bastard knew it all too well when he was doing it. I growled at the thought.
Blaze knew if he stayed any longer my tight leash on Zian would 'accidentally loosen and he would have a fight to deal with.
So he left, but Zian never did, making me angry and hormonal. Making me want to rip things out to shreds, destroy the entire room. Hell, I was growling at nothing half the time.
I stayed in a permeant half-shifted form with my nails digging into my palm, half the control with my wolf. And I didn't mind. Even when she destroyed the room and even the toilet too. The beautiful velvet and satin sheets were torn to shreds, the expensive wood broken down from the middle for the bed and shelves. The little crystals for the chandelier were strewn across the room. I didn't even know when I had done this much damage. I let her do anything she wanted. As long as I got time to rest and put everything back in order.
This time when the monster came. I let it take me, engulf me in its rage and grief. It was beyond the grief of Nova and Grandma now. In fact, even that fuelled my rage. I wanted to rip his eyes out. I finally understood what this monster was. It was rage for every injustice that had been done to me. It was defining me. It was self-love. That rage for me was the part of me that loved me.
And so I let it run amok within me.
The gang hand my parents had come down and tried to talk to me but I just growled at them, they let it happen too. What was the use of their sadness and pity now? My mom especially tried hard to feed me and change my bandages. Especially the mark Blaze left. But I ignored her advances. Hell even Zarine was ignored.
I didn't want anything now other than his death.
Raven had tried to visit me as soon as Blaze had left but the guards outside wouldn't allow her. It was as if she knew that something was wrong on my end. Before everyone else. But she had turned away like everyone else. She didn't try after that. Probably afraid of agitating Blaze any further.
Now that Blaze has marked me, it was easier for him to see my emotions. No matter how I blocked him out he will always have an understanding of my emotions. That grated on my nerves, How had I let things get this bad?
After three more days, Blaze finally visited. I almost lunged for him the moment I saw him, the moment his scent hit me. Hell, I knew it was him when I heard his footsteps coming in through the hallway.
But I controlled myself. Not yet Zara. This bastard deserves a painful defeat. Not with the strength, I can muster up when I am bleeding and starving.
He looked at me with concern but didn't dare come close to me.
Behind him, Zarine appeared with a plate of food again. He was trying to feed me through Zarine again. I growled at Zarine in warning and he scampered out the door immediately.
Blaze sighed. He looked haggard, worse than me if possible. That satisfied me. To know he had at least suffered to a small degree for what he did.
His eyes met mine again, this time the concern replaced with determination.
"You need to eat luna." He said firmly.
"Try me," I said or more accurately growled. My wolf was at the surface so my words weren't coherent. But he still understood. I narrowed my eyes at him, challenging him. Besides these were the first few words I said in days,
He looked a bit taken aback by the challenge in my voice. And he backed away immediately.
"You would rather keep that wound bleeding rather than accept me?" He asked pointing at my shoulder.
"I would rather drink wolfsbane than accept you." I spat back. His eyes filled with pain at that.
I felt satisfied again.
I will never let him have me again. Ever.
"Did someone hurt you?" Blaze asked me suddenly shifting the topic.
My head snapped to him.
"Without your permission?" He said. Ah, so he was referring to the rape scene. Funnily enough, it didn't hurt as much as what he did. Perhaps it was the feeling of betrayal. Of trust-breaking between mates. There was nothing worse he could have done to me. No greater betrayal than violating his rights as my mate.
"No I gave them permission," I growled back even if it wasn't true. And he knew it too. He was the last person I would discuss this topic with.
His eyes seemed to light up. With realization? What was it that he was thinking? And then I knew. He knew about my denial issues. About how I would rather deny it ever happened than accept it for what it was. He finally knew how deep it ran. He looked at me with pity again.
I gritted my teeth. I didn't need his damn pity. I needed him dead.
Maybe out was instinct or maybe it was because he kept his bond wide open so I could call him out if I wanted, but I could read his emotions easier now. What exactly he was thinking and everything. Aah, the moongoddess made the bond so elegant didn't she?
"I used to feel it too you know? In the beginning, before you blocked me out. I could feel your pain when it was intense after I had exiled you and you disappeared. I just didn't know what it was. I didn't connect the dots." He admitted.
"To inflict any kind of pain on you gives me intense satisfaction," I growled back.
He sighed again.
"I will be leaving the first chance I get. As soon as the farewell part finishes I am leaving too." I growled at him lowly. Something flashed in his eyes. Anger? Fear? Sadness? I couldn't tell. It was gone as quickly as it came.
"Can you atleast get on the bed instead of sitting on the floor? I could have a new one over in since this one was broken by you. I could ask someone to clean it all up if you want." He said changing the topic and I just glared at him. He wanted me to forget what he did, did he? No way.
He had tried to move me to a different cell too. One with better facilities. I wasn't stable enough to move back onto my apartment yet. I had growled at him. I didn't want anything he had to give me. I didn't want anything from him.
After trying a few more times to feed me and change my bandages, he left. Realizing nothing was going to work on me anymore. He couldn't get close to me. I wouldn't trust him again.
He would come every day after that without fail. Trying to talk to me nonchalantly about everything going on in the pack. Even if I didn't need him to update. I could hack into his phone and everyone else's just as easily. He talked to me about everything and anything. And I watched him like a predator stalking prey. Biding my own time until I had him where I wanted. Close enough to slit his throat.
He tried several times to change my bandages and feed me. I must look like a zombie now.
I just glared at him, not moving from my corner of the wall. Like an injured animal.
He knew I would claw his eyes out of became close.
His presence became a routine soon and I was getting tired. I knew he was planning something but I wanted him to hurry along. Between losing control to the Zian and the monster. I was hardly in control long enough to think through a plan. But at this point, I didn't even care if I revealed my powers. I just wanted him dead.
It was after Blaze left that day that someone slipped a small package into my room. There were footsteps, but no scent.
Sam's spy!
I opened the package to reveal a vial. Wolfsbane. But probably this was stronger than the ones I was used to. I could tell from the scent since I didn't recognize it. He told me the punishment was coming but I dint think he was this angry. But he had reason to be. I had messed up colossally. I almost revealed everything about them.
If nothing else Blaze knew of my training among other intimate details and he had marked me. And he knew I had a lover.
That would be plenty enough. Though I thought Sam would be more pleased for me trying to announce our love. That wasn't the case I suppose.
I tuned the vial in my hands. There wasn't much but I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy this one at all.
I contemplated throwing away the poison. No one has to know. But then I decided against it.
He will know for sure. And then the consequences would be worse. And besides, that would mean that I won't have access to the vampires' plans anymore and I won't be able to spy on him. If I had any hope of stopping the way, I had to stick to him like glue.
So I took a deep breath and downed the vial in one go.