Sloane Beck
He better not make me regret this.
"The only reason I said yes is that you were being a nosy little shit behind me," I spoke to Finn as we walked across the campus. She let out a laugh, "We both know that's not true. You were going to say yes to him anyways." It was my turn to laugh.
"Finn, no I wasn't. He's a jerk. With a capital J E R K—" She cut me off. "I know how to spell jerk dumbass, but you were giving him the eyes!" She searched through her purse for her phone, pulling it out.
"What eyes?" I exclaimed as she wiggled her eyebrows at me. "The sex eyes!" We both laughed. "He's not a nice person, Finn." I remind her as she nodded. "I disagree," I stop walking.
"Don't stop walking because you disagree with my opinion. I sit back and observe more than talking to people. I hear things and I observe. He's not a bad person, he just has bad people controlling him. You never know what's underneath those clothes in that shallow heart of his." We continued to walk.
"I think you're scared of him," I gave her a no-shit look.
"Have you seen that man? He's the most intimidating person I've ever met." Blake Day looked like he was the modern-day father of the Mafia. Not to mention the army of people he had surrounding him at his beck and call.
Blake Day was a force to be reckoned with on this campus.
"I think you guys are more similar than you think however you're trying to find every reason to hate him because he isn't my brother." My mouth dropped open in shock at the load of bullshit flowing from her mouth.
"I mean, I get it he's a jerk. He's done some shitty things. But you've been so closed off to relationships since my brother. If anything, make my brother think that you don't give two shits about him. My point being, you shouldn't even give him two shits. He cheated on you. You should be the bad bitch in this situation." I had to laugh.
"Finn, Blake is a jerk." I think everyone knew this. "Yes, but people can change. Look at Matti! I'm not saying you have to fall in love with him, all I'm saying is Blake could open up doors for you. He has more substance to him than what you have seen, Sloane." I've seen way more than enough substance to know that this guy was a downright jerkface, unforgettable asshole, that didn't deserve anything that he had.
I hated Blake Day and even though I said yes to going on a date with him, it was only because I had nothing better to do and nothing else to lose at this point.
I had lost my sanity a long time ago, hence why I even said yes in the first place.
"Okay, well. I have to get to my fashion class, so. Will you be okay?" She paused in front of the building. I smiled, nodding at her. "Yeah, I'm going to hang out with Reese anyways." She gave me a thumbs up.
"I love you, this could be good for you!" Were the last words she said to me as she disappeared into her lecture building. It wasn't going to be good for me. Since when was any boy good for any girl? All they do is give you one of three things; heartbreak, heartache, and orgasms if you're lucky.
I wished it were Reese I was able to go on a date with, but apparently, Reese was not dating. Reese Joseph didn't date but even if he did, he wouldn't be on the market long. Opening the cafe door, the aroma of coffee entered my soul.
I loved coffee.
Not only did it act as a meal replacement, but it gave me an energy high that I needed since my sugars weren't being replenished. Looking around the shop, it wasn't hard to quickly spot the ripped guy that was quickly becoming the new 'it' boy of ESPN.
I walked up to the table, setting my bag to the side before sliding into the chair in front of him. I cleared my throat, "Can I have your autograph?" He bolted his head up, a smile appeared on his face. "Hey sunshine," He commented to me as I laughed.
"Hey, what's got you all focused?" I asked as he points back down to his books. "I suck at English, and I need to keep my grade up." I furrowed my eyebrows. "You're smart though," I pointed out as he shrugged.
He reached for his drink before answering me. "It doesn't come as easy to me as it does for everyone else, I have to work for it." I nodded. "Because of your dad?" He cracked me a smile.
"Because of my dad and the fact that I'm dyslexic." My mouth dropped open but I quickly had to close it. "Jesus, Reese. I'm sorry if I made you feel—" He cut me off a smile on his face. "Sloane, no biggie. It's okay." He nods as I still act cautiously, still on edge.
I sat in front of him as he hyper-fixated on his book.
"What are you reading?" I ask as he peeked at me. "Romeo and Juliet," He winked as I laughed. "Oh Reese, Oh Reese, where art thou Reese?" I proclaimed to him as he chuckled.
"You're pretty good at that. Maybe you should be my English tutor." I shook my head at his words. "No way, I'm not that smart. Ask Blake, he's smart." As much as I hated to admit it, the boy did have brains.
He was top of his class and if I remember Naomi telling me, he was supposed to go to an Ivy League. "Blake has enough on his shoulders." I raised an eyebrow at that. "Like what?" I wasn't being nosy, but I was being nosy.
He let out a nervous chuckle before shrugging, "We've all got skeletons in our closets don't we?" I furrowed my eyebrows at that. "I just think I've known Blake long enough now to say that he is a good guy," He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.
Hell, if I was in that position I would have to convince myself too.
How the hell was I supposed to go through with that date? We couldn't go two minutes in the same room, alone with each other without trying to kill ourselves. "Poor guy just has a lot on his plate right now, I just think he deserves for everyone to cut him some slack. He's losing everything this year, privacy being one of the biggest things."
I could empathize with that.
I had lost my privacy too when everyone I didn't want reading my journal had read it. Some things were too personal to share with everyone and in that aspect, I felt bad for him for that.
"How have you been though?" I blinked at his question before remembering to answer. "Me? Yeah, I've been doing fine. How about you?" I turned it back to him as he chuckled. "Yeah, I'm good. Naomi facetimed me last night with the baby. She's cute." I smiled at his words.
"Which one? Stella or Naomi?" He laughed at my question before nodding. "Both of them." This hurt my heart for him, but I knew this talk was healthy for him. "Reese," I spoke his name as he gave me a knowing nod.
"I'm fine. She's happy. That's all that matters though, right? As long as she is happy that is all that matters. She has a pretty cool fiancé, a beautiful baby, her life is coming together. She needed it to happen, I'm happy for her, and I'm beyond proud." His smile wasn't fake when he was telling me this, although my heart ached for him.
Poor Reese, we had more in common than I had thought. We both loved someone that had chose someone over us.
"You know if you're looking for a way to get over her, there's Ellie. She looks exactly like Naomi." He let out a roar of laughter, scratching at his chin stubble. Shaking his head, "Nah, I'd rather drop dead than go after Ellie." I frowned at his words.
"Why she's so sweet and kind?" I stood up for her as he shook his head again, "Yeah but she's lame. She doesn't cherish life as I did. Her looking like Naomi has nothing to do with it, it's just her personality. It's always been a personality for me—I need someone that can have a good time with me. Not someone who likes to read books and lay inside all day. Does she even mesh with you guys?" I gave him a confused look.
"Jeez, you're being harsh. She does mesh with us. She's so sweet and kind. She keeps us grounded." He shrugged before reaching for his drink and sipping at it.
"She seems like a loser," My mouth opens ajar. "Who is spewing all of this bullshit to you? Is it Mitch?" I was going to lay him out. "She isn't a loser. And you're being very judgemental over a girl you've met once Reese. Quit that, Naomi might've broken your heart and you can't find it inside yourself to be a dickhead to her, but don't take it out on Ellie." I pushed my chair back before standing up.
He reached his hand out for me, and that's when I started to notice how many people were looking at us. I felt uncomfortable, this is what Naomi had to of felt like walking around everywhere with Matti.
"I'm sorry if I offended. I didn't mean to," I smiled at his apology. "It's okay. But it's not my apology to accept." I winked at him before walking away from him. I felt bad for Ellie. I hadn't even told her about her brother fucking the girl that had been bullying her in high school.
She didn't deserve any of that, she deserved that and more.
Exiting the coffee shop, I paused as I heard the familiar tone. Slowly, my eyes followed the voice to the group of Girl Scouts selling cookies on the street corner. The young girls were in awe of the boy that was crouched down talking to them.
The traffic was loud, but I could hear his voice loud and clear.
"You're Blake Day!" One of them gasped as he held his finger up to his mouth. She covered her mouth before nodding. "I'm not supposed to eat Girl Scout Cookies because I have to keep a clean diet for football. Healthiness is really important if you wanna be super strong and tall, so how about I just donate to you?" Like dominos, all of the little scouts started to nod in sync.
I watched as Blake fetched out his wallet, pulling out money and handing over a stack of cash to them before offering a smile and walking off, down the street and away from me.
Nobody was taking pictures of him, he just did it to do it?
He had a heart?
Maybe we were more alike than I had thought. Maybe he wasn't that bad of a person. Maybe—maybe I was wrong?
Something inside of me compelled me to follow him—to chase after him. And with time to spare until my next class, I did so. Rushing past the girl scouts who were still in awe of Blake Day handing them a wad of cash.
"Blake!" I called out to him. He quickly looked over his shoulder behind him towards me. He slowed his walking and nodding at me. "Stalking me, Blondie?" He teased as I shook my head.
And at that moment, in that very stupid moment—I took a leap of faith.
Trusting and having faith in Finnegan and Reese's words, I decided to try something new. "Wanna go get a coffee?" I asked. He paused, looking down at my hands. "You already have one." His voice was monotone.
I stumbled over my words as I tried to make myself not sound like a fool. "You could get one though. We could get to know each other?" I asked as he chuckled. Agonizingly slowly, he nodded. "Yeah, I have about two hours to kill before class." He hesitated.
"Can we just go back to my house?" He asks as I nod. "You're going to have to ditch the coffee though," I gave him a confused look. Did the asshole think I couldn't walk and hold a coffee at the same time?
That's when he flashed me a smile, pulling his sunglasses off his eyes, and sat them on top of his head. He dug in his pockets for a second before pulling out a singular key. That didn't look like a regular car key?
He stepped to the side before pointing to a motorcycle that was about ten feet away from us. My eyebrows raised before I shook my head. "No way in hell," I commented as his blue eyes flashed at me. I might wish that I would die all the time, but never did I ever put myself in the position where I would be going out of this world due to Blake.
"Come on Blondie," He gave me words of encouragement as he pulled the sunglasses back down over the top of his eyes. He slowly started to walk towards it as I had a mental debate in my head.
He wasn't going to let me die. He cared too much about his public image than to let some innocent girl die due to his cause. "Okay okay, wait!" I called out to him as he stood next to his bike. I rushed towards the nearest recycling bin and placed my plastic cup inside of it before walking towards Blake.
"Helmet?" I asked as he chuckled before shaking his head.
"I live for danger, Blondie." I took a step back and let out a nervous laugh. "I won't get on without a helmet." He offered me a grin before motioning to his body.
"Riding me was way more dangerous. You didn't wear a helmet then, did you?" I was taken back.
I was overly optimistic when I took a step towards him. He climbed on the bike first, and then he offered me his hand. I slowly climbed on behind him and then latched on top of the back of his body. He let out a loud chuckle as I laid my face against the upper part of his back.
"Comfy?" He asked as I nodded.
I was not a fan of speed, I was not a fan of going fast, I was not a fan of danger. So what exactly was I doing here?
Slowly he backed out before kicking the bike into drive on College Avenue. I squealed and gripped tighter around him as we flew down the pavement. The loud roar of the bike going fast.
The wind whipping against us, my hair flying as we gained speed. "Slow down!" I yelled as he laughed. "I thought you like riding with me!" He yelled back to me.
My ears were popping as the wind pressure was changing with the rapidly changing speeds. He slowed down as he made a left turn, pulling down frat row which meant we had reached his house.
As soon as he pulled into the driveway, he cut the engine. I released a deep breath as my grip was still tight around his waist. He cleared his throat, "You can let go anytime now." His voice held humor as my arms immediately snapped from being around his waist.
It was different now–somewhat.
It was no longer Blake Day I hated. But more, Blake Day, the guy I was going on a date with on Saturday–Blake Day the guy I was trying to give a chance of friendship to.
My legs were jelly as I got off of the bike. He got off and stood up before walking towards the house. My long legs seemed short compared to his long ones as his leg strides were never-ending.
Opening the door, he stepped aside so I could walk in. "Thanks," I muttered as I kicked my shoes off. "Let's go in the kitchen," He suggested as he started walking to the left of us. "Are you hungry?" He asks as I shake my head. I sit at the bar as he stares at me. His eyes were intimidating.
"Do you want water?" I nod as he spins on his feet, reaching for two bottles of Fiji in the fridge. I thank him as he hands me it.
We sit in silence he chews on the corner of his cheek as I try to focus on anything other than him.
It was awkward.
We didn't know how to get along, all we did was fight.
"What class do you have next?" I break the silence as he stops biting his cheek. Taken back by my question, he clears his throat. "A government course," Boring.
"What class do you have next?" He asks as I smile. "Accounting." Even more boring.
There was so much sexual tension pent up, you could cut it with the knife. So much history had happened in this house, I was taken back. I hadn't thought of Caden once until now.
Maybe Blake was good for me.
"You still jealous that Matti and Naomi picked my baby name over yours?" I snorted at his attempt at conversation. "No, but I think they made the wrong pick." He nods, "What did you want to name her again?" He asks as I laugh.
"Sage, it's so cute." He rolls his eyes at my name as I smile. "And if it were a boy I wanted Sebastian." He snorted at that. "Sebastian isn't cool. Sebastian sounds like he started having a receding hairline at the age of twelve." I shook my head at his words.
"What was your boy's name?" I asked him as he paused, nodding.
"Blaise," I raised my eyebrows at his name.
"Blaise?" I asked as he nodded. "Yeah, that was my mother's maiden name. It's french," I smiled at that. "It's cute," He smiled at me.
"Are we playing twenty-one questions?" He teased as I gasped rolling my eyes. "I'd rather play dead than play twenty-one questions with thee Blake Day." I mocked as he let out a genuine laugh.
"I'm just Blake," He reminded me as I wanted to scream. Yes, of course, you're just Blake. Blake the guy who has been nothing but an asshole since I met him. Blake, the guy on who I've had the pleasure of using all of my attitudes on since I've known him. Blake, apparently a really nice guy that I'm trying to play nice with.
More importantly, Blake, the guy who has seen every part of me including my tramp stamp.
"What's your favorite tattoo?" I asked as his gaze locked with mine. His eyes held a playful hue to them as he looked down at his arms. Looking at them for a moment, he paused before pulling the bottom of his shirt up.
My breathing stopped as I saw his top half shirtless. He pointed towards his heart where it had the word 'moins' written in ink. He looked back at me as he continued to point towards it. "What does that mean?" I asked as he read over it again.
"Less." He spoke the word as I placed two and two together
Heartless?
He was heartless?
"You're not heartless," I spoke as his shirt came down and he smiled at me. "Wanna go watch a movie?" He diverted the statement as I didn't give up. "I would've enjoyed some girl scout cookies," I commented as he paused. All signs of emotion fell off his face, and he held his eyes closed for a moment too long.
A heartless person wouldn't of done what he did for those Girl Scouts.
Without responding to my statement he continued, "Come on—let's go watch a movie." He spoke as I took a quick drink of my water. "Blake," I called out to him as he paused from walking away from me.
"We aren't doing anything. You have to promise me to keep your hands to yourself, we both have class soon," I remind him as he throws his head back in laughter. With a smile on his face but not one to reach his eyes he held out his pinky towards me for a promise.
"If you break the pinky promise, I break your pinky," I warned as our fingers locked together.
"You can trust me," He assured me but I wanted to scream liar. I didn't trust anyone let alone, any man. After all, all men had taught me that I was pretty enough to fuck, but not pretty enough to love.
Information about eating disorders.
If you need to seek help, please do. You're not alone!
National Eating Disorder's Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
Crisis Textline:
Text CONNECT to 741741
Depression and anxiety are serious issues that should be addressed. We need to end the stigma around them, I love you all. Don't feel ashamed ever to be depressed or have anxiety.
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The stigma around mental health must end!
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