thank you so much for sticking with me - hopefully this chapter will be worth the wait! i tried something a little different in this chapter just for fun so let me know your thoughts (it'll be pretty obvious lmao)
as always, please keep up your engagement with votes and comments throughout. i can't believe we reached 150+ comments on the previous chapter.
please read the a/n at the end and give your input on what i should do to celebrate 500k on the first book of this series (honestly thank you so much, my bad-maths brain can't comprehend a number that big. i've only ever seen it before on f1 one-shot books and not individually stories which makes it all that more special).
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I made the decision to switch my phone to 'Do Not Disturb' all bar a few select contacts - Toto Wolff, Riki Musconi, Lizzie Moore, and Dr. Lauren Davis. The fewer people that would bother me with questions and pity, the better. I don't know how many people would be aware of my current situation with Max, however everyone would've watched the gutting end to my British Grand Prix after leading for every lap, denying me my first Grand Chelem. It was one of, of not the, worst Sunday of my life. I just want to ignore the pain.
Unsurprisingly, Bella didn't have any protest when I asked if I could spend the night with her. If I hadn't committed myself to the therapy session Monday morning, you can bet that I would've been on the first plane out to Geneva so I can spend the few-day break before the Austrian Grand Prix away from everyone. I was grateful to have met her and have her in my life - my non-motorsport related constant. Bella, although curious as to why I didn't want to talk about Max, respected my wishes and didn't press me in the slightest. She gave the tightest hugs whenever my eyes started to get teary, and distracted me with alcohol and jokes to keep my mind from my dismal day.
My alarm the following morning was set for half nine, however it served no purpose as I barely got any sleep that night. My tired eyes just stared at the clock on the wall at the end of Bella's king-sized bed, waiting for the time I needed to get up to come. My twisting stomach and tight feeling in my throat was keeping me from drifting off for more than half an hour at a time. It was probably for the best; I didn't run the risk of needing to disturb the sleeping Bella beside me should I have a nightmare. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Zara's protruding stomach and Max's guilty face.
No amount of concealer seemed capable of covering the dark circles around my eyes, and after almost half an hour of my morning wasted dabbing my face with the sponge, I conceded to looking rough. A part of me wanted to appear as unbothered as possible when I face Max later on today, but in doing so would require a miracle.
Because my car was still parked in Max's driveway, I couldn't just drive myself to therapy. I decided to turn down Bella's offer of a lift in favour of an Uber; she had already done so much for me that I didn't want to burden her, even more so when she had only woken up ten minutes before I was due to leave. Luckily for me, I didn't drink much the night before and had no negative effects directly from the alcohol - just from the severe sleep depravation.
I anticipated my Uber driver recognising me after the countless news articles written about my misfortune and so I selected a location to be dropped off nearby, but not close enough to raise suspicions. It was a good thing I did because my driver was a fan. She gushed about my season so far to my and I feigned as much enthusiasm about the upcoming as I could muster given the circumstances. The conversation made my stomach turn and a sick feeling arose in my throat the more I put up a positive front. My stomach completed another uncomfortable turn when I spotted Max's car parked out front. I'm five minutes early myself, and I had no idea how long he had been here for.
After taking a deep breath in anticipation of seeing Max in the waiting room, I finally stepped inside. The building was a pleasant, cool contrast to the scorching heatwave outside that still battered the majority of Western and Central Europe. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed the waiting was empty - Max wasn't here. It was just as much as a surprise to see Devin, the receptionist who worked Tuesdays and Thursdays mornings, standing behind the desk (he's usually off on a coffee break). He greeted me with a warm smile. "Alyssa! So good to see you again."
I awkwardly smiled, my fingers finding the hem of my dress to play with as my nerves built up. "Good to see you, too."
"Lauren already has a client in, but I'm under instructions to just send you on through. Just knock before you go in."
I guessed the client to be Max and I was faced with confusion - why was he sitting in with Lauren early? I didn't know anyone who would hate to spend time with a therapist more than Max, and so I was struggling to understand why he would willingly attend the session I was forcing him to attend before it was due to start. With a final smile to Devin, I hesitantly walked down the clean, white hallway in the direction of Lauren's room. It was near the end of the hallway which gave my nerves a chance to build up. My fist was trembling so much as I raised it to the door that I didn't intend to knock when I did, it just happened.
"Come in!" Lauren's cheery voice called after a moment's pause. I didn't want to. I wanted to turn around on the spot, leave this building, and grab an Uber straight to the airport to fly to Switzerland. The only thing spurring me to push down on the door handle was curiosity. I needed to know everything that happened with Zara if Max and I had any shot at redeeming our relationship. After the long night I had, the chances felt so slim. I was giving up on love.
The loose strands from my ponytail started to move with the breeze of the fan as soon as I opened the door. My eyes landed straight on Max, who looked rather tense despite being sprawled out across the sofa. When our eyes locked, he sat up a little straighter allowing for enough room for me to sit beside him. I didn't have to look at Lauren to know she was watching me closely as I stepped into the room.
"I have a flight booked for two so whatever you need to say, just say it now and we can both go on with our day," I said to fill the silence that fell, directing most of my words to Max. Despite this, I struggled to bring myself to maintain eye contact for more than a few moments at a time. I remained standing by the door and wrapped my arms tightly around my body instead of taking the seat beside him.
"Lys, I-"
"What are you even doing here early anyway?" I asked.
"I wanted to go over a few things before you got here," Max replied, voice softer than I was used to. It sounded as if he had been crying but I pushed the assumption aside, not wanting any sort of guilt or sadness to influence the decisions I make. I shouldn't be feeling bad for his mistakes. "Give my side of things so Dr. Davis could better understand the position I'm in."
I scoffed. "So she'd take your side?"
"This isn't about sides. I needed to know from a professional's viewpoint if I was doing the right thing, making the right choices, because I hate feeling like everything I do is wrong."
Clearing my throat, I stood up a little taller. If there's one thing I'm not going to do in this therapy session, it's cry. I will appear strong as to not show weakness. "I didn't come here to listen to excuses, Max. This session will heavily influence whether or not we can get through this and so I really thought you better get to it and explain how the Hell we got into this situation and why you kept it from me when you had so many opportunities to come clean."
"I'm only going to interrupt this once," Lauren began, adjusting how she was sat in her chair so that she could better look at me, "but I think you should take this time to listen to the full story from his point of view. Just let him go through it all once and then I can help you through any miscommunications. Couples therapy may not be my specialty, however you are my patient and I will do everything in my power to help you through this - help you both through this. Alyssa, take this," she handed me her notepad and a blue pen, "so you can write down any questions, thoughts, or feelings you may have without interrupting. It's important you listen."
I held my tongue and nodded my head. I knew the story was going to be long and didn't have the energy to stay standing up, so instead perched myself on the arm of the sofa Max was sat on. Our eyes met, and my hazel ones started to get watery at the weight of the situation. "I don't want you sparing any details for my sake, okay? I need to know everything. When it," I swallowed hard, "happened, how and when you found out, every single lie you told me since - everything."
Max nodded his head. "I won't miss out anything. I didn't lie when I said Zara was a friend from school, and we bumped into each other at a club in Amsterdam for the first time in years..."
The bitter February air was nullified by the alcohol already in my system, although I was struggling to feel the very tip of my nose. I walked the busy streets with my close friend, Luuk, whom I have known since school. It's his birthday so naturally we're celebrating with alcohol. A club in the centre of the city was rented out just for the party and it would be filled with old friends from school and people I don't know.
The warm air of the venue greeted me, along with the strong smell of alcohol and cologne mingled with body odour. I could feel the music thumping through my chest and it took a few moments for my ears to adjust to the loud noise. Luuk was dragged away almost immediately by a group of cheering guys, and I would've followed if a hand didn't grab my arm and pull me back. I turned to look at who it was and almost had to do a double take. The girl before me looked so similar to Alyssa: She had the same smile, granted not as bright and beautiful; the same eyes, although they seemed dull in comparison; the same lips, but I wasn't as enticed by them. If it wasn't for the blonde hair instead of brown, I'd have thought that she had found a way to sneak into the party.
"Max?" the girl asked, looking up at me with wide eyes. I assumed she was a fan and so gave her a polite smile, ready to turn away. "Gosh, it's been so long!" Okay, maybe not a fan.
"I-I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't recognise me?" she guessed, tugging her lower lip between her teeth. I could only give her an apologetic look. "I don't blame you, I've changed a lot since school. It's Zara, Zara Van Dijk - we were in the same math class." As soon as she said her name, it all clicked. She certainly looked very different than she did almost ten years ago, in a good way, of course.
"Wow, it's been so long! How've you been?"
"I've been doing well. I've been helping my parents out with their business for the past couple of years. They still have their ties to the church so hopefully there's room to grow and expand there, which would be exciting," she rambled, only pausing to take a sip from her drink. Speaking to her made me realise that I need more alcohol. "I have no need to ask how things have been for you, Mr. Red Bull driver. It's only a matter of time before you get that championship."
"I've got some competition again this year," I told her. One thing's for sure - Alyssa is not going to go easy on me this year in her Mercedes. Testing hasn't even started and I just know she'll be the one to beat. "Mercedes has its strongest driver lineup in years."
"Can I buy you a drink?" A part of me was still holding onto the idea that Lys would be ready to take me back, but it was a long shot. There had already been plenty of rumours tying her to a range of guys and I probably don't have a chance anymore. Zara must've noticed my hesitation to the offer as she continued. "You don't have girlfriend, do you? Because if so, you can just forget my last offer and-"
I shook my head to interrupt her. "No, I don't have a girlfriend. It's a little complicated right now but I'm down for a night of fun if you are." I watched the smile on Zara's face grow as I offered her a flirtatious wink. It's been a while since I last had a night out like this and went home with a girl; Zara's more than a worthy candidate and she's willing.
I took her over to the bar and bought her drinks instead. It was the gentlemanly thing to do and I certainly wasn't short on money. She swayed to the music with rhythm, ensuring a part of her body was pressed up against mine at all times. With every unit consumed, the girl before me started to look more and more like the girl I'll always love. It's a shame it wasn't. Zara's lips weren't as soft as Alyssa's, and her perfume didn't smell quite as sweet. She wasn't her, but maybe that's what I need.
"Hey," I said, dipping my head down so that my lips were barely an inch from her ear. She shivered as my warm breath fanned her neck and it felt good to have this effect on her. "I have a hotel room a few blocks from here if you want to accompany out of here."
Zara pulled back just far enough so I could see her face. Her lower lip was tucked between her teeth and she looked up at me with what I can only describe as bedroom eyes. She wanted this as much as I did and we're both equally drunk. I certainly wasn't thinking straight, but who cares? I'm about to get laid.
"I didn't even remember much about that night, and she was out of my room by the morning. It didn't mean anything to either of us. I hadn't given her so much of a thought until she approached me in Hungary..."
A soft sigh tumbled from my lips as I ran a hand through my hair. It had been a long day of media, with a strong focus on providing content for the upcoming season of Drive To Survive. My thoughts had been elsewhere for most of the day - it was the anniversary of Lys's dad's death and I wanted nothing more than to spend the day comforting her. It was paddock news when she didn't show for her interviews in the afternoon. Today was understandably hitting her hard and I couldn't do anything to help her because I was stuck doing stupid media duties She had been through so much recently and didn't deserve any of the pain she was being put through. If I could take away the hurting and put it on myself just so she would feel better, I wouldn't hesitate.
I bid farewell to Vicky in the entranceway of the Red Bull building. I was done with my duties for the day and could finally head back to the hotel, back to Alyssa. She had sent me a text not too long ago that she was getting a lift back with Vandoorne, and I knew she'd be safe with him no matter how annoying I found him.
The clouds had parted around the sun, allowing the bright light to slip through. I didn't have any sunglasses on me (I left them in the car) and so reached up a hand to shield my eyes from the light. During that brief moment as I went to walk towards my room, a hand grabbed ahold of my inner elbow and pulled me between the small gap between the buildings. I made a noise of protest, however my words felt short in surprise at the woman standing before me.
"Zara?" I asked incredulously. There was a pass around her neck although she wasn't wearing any team gear. I was confused. Her eyes were wide, almost as if she was just as surprised as I was. "Wha-what are you doing here?"
"I needed to find you," she said, voice barely above a whisper. It cracked with emotion and I knew she was on the brink of tears. "I-I've been trying to get ahold of you for weeks now - I almost lost hope I'd ever see you again."
"How'd you get a pass for today?"
"It cost a lot of money, but I had enough saved up since my parents cut me off." I furrowed my brow in confusion. I don't remember much about our night together, however I was under the impression that Zara and her parents were close. She talked about them and their business a lot.
I cleared my throat. "So, uh, what did you need me for? If you're looking for another night of fun, I'm sorry but I'm in a committed relationship and I would never do anything to hurt her a-"
"Max, I'm pregnant," Zara blurted out, interrupted me. At first, I was sure I had misheard her. Pregnant? How could she be pregnant? I mean, I know how, but I don't want to believe it. I glanced down at her stomach out of instinct, and sure enough there was a rounded bump just visible underneath the white fabric of her t-shirt. Why is she telling me all this unless... "and the baby is yours."
My breath got caught in my throat and I let out a cough. I put my hand against the wall to steady myself. "I don't believe you. I can't believe you. I-I can't be dealing with this right now, okay? Things are finally okay with Alyssa, we're going to get married, and now you come back into my life claiming that the baby is mine?"
"Take at least some of the responsibility, Max," she told me with a frown. "I've already lost everything because of our stupid mistake. Abortion is out of the question for me even though I don't have the stability to raise a child, but you do. You have a good career, a-and a Fiancée, you said? You could take the baby and raise it so that it doesn't need to go up for adoption. My parents disowned me for bringing a child into the world out of wedlock. My only chance of them accepting me again is if I devote myself to God after the baby is born, but until then I-I have no money, no back-up plan, no-one else to go to. Please, Max," she begged, "I need your help."
I rubbed my dizzy head with my hands. This isn't what I needed today, or any day. This is going to hurt Lys, and she'll never forgive me. "I'll help you out, but I'm not committing to anything until there's proof. I'm going to need DNA tests before I even think about telling Alyssa, and I need you to stay out of my hair until then. If," I took a deep breath, "if the baby is mine, I'll set you up so that you're stable."
Zara clamped a hand over her mouth, a few tears slipping from her eyes as she held back a sob. "Oh, thank you. I-I'm sorry to even put you in a situation like this but there's nothing else I can do."
I promised myself that I wasn't going to dwell on the matter until I knew for certain. There was no point worrying myself or Alyssa with waiting for the news to come; she doesn't need that stress. I pulled my phone from my pocket and handed it to Zara. "Put your number in so we can arrange something. I'll be flying back to the UK after this weekend and staying there for a while so we can do the tests there. Make sure your bags are packed; I'll set you up with a flight and hotel so you can save whatever money you have left. Fuck, I'll even set you up with someone who could help you with a job in the meantime."
The tears were streaming steadily down Zara's cheeks at my words. She removed her remaining hand from her mouth so that she could wrap them around my shoulders in a hug. Her protruding stomach made contact with my own and I froze. The least I could do was wrap my arms back around the crying girl, although my mind was far away from my body. Alyssa was one of two things on my mind right now, and the other was the growing fear - I could be a dad.
"...and that was when Lando saw me and then the altercation followed. I never cheated, but you have to understand why I lied. A part of me was holding out for it all to be a misunderstanding, but then it wasn't..."
With the way Alyssa reacted when she first had an indicator that I was lying, I wanted to shove everything to the side to make her see that I didn't want to hurt her. In the few days that followed Zara's confession, I tried to find ways around it. If she were telling the truth, my entire life was about to change.
I sent off my blood sample at first opportunity when we arrived back in the UK. I made multiple excuses so that I could ensure Zara was doing okay whilst we waited for the results. Lying to Alyssa wasn't easy. All she had to do was smile at me and I was weak at the knees, ready to confess everything to her, however that would only make matters worse. The specific paternity test I had ordered was due to have the results on Thursday, but was ultimately pushed back a day, and then another day. The only lie I could think of was that I was busy with work, and luckily Alyssa didn't question it.
That test was inconclusive. I remember being so caught up in my emotions that I neglected my promise to Lys that I'd pick her up after her long day at the track in such heat. I lied and hid the cheques I was writing to Zara to set her up, as well as some real estate documents for apartments to rent until she has her baby. I'll never be able to forget the pained look of mistrust as I lied straight to her face, admitting to withholding the truth from her without actually telling her what I was withholding. It was cowardly, I'll admit, however I couldn't see any other way. I knew Alyssa better than she thinks I do and so I knew that waiting until I could tell her the whole truth was better than not being able to answer. Her mind was very good at filling the blanks with the worst possible scenarios.
I tried to recover the trust I had lost with Alyssa but it was going to be a long process. She could barely look at me anymore without her eyes welling up with tears. It was all my fault that she is feeling this pain and I hated myself for it. I needed Daniel's reassurance that keeping this all from her was for the best just so I didn't cave in. He was in agreement that Lys didn't need to know until I did.
When the text messages started to ping through during our day of wedding planning, there was no going back. Alyssa saw those messages and my immediate response was to criticise her for going through my phone... the stress is getting to me. I left her to go and see Zara.
'Max Verstappen is the biological father of Zara Van Dijk's unborn child' was written in bold at the top of the letter Zara showed me. I was expecting myself to be angry, however the main emotion I felt was joy. I was going to be a dad. This joy was quickly overwhelmed with a sense of guilt at my happiness - this was something I was supposed to share with Alyssa and not some girl I knew back in school. We only lost our baby a couple of months ago and nothing could ever replace that loss for us. I don't want a family if Alyssa isn't a part of it. This was going to be a lot for her and I can only hope that she'll see the bright side in the situation.
I had intentions to tell her after the British Grand Prix. I was going to make things right. I had it all planned out: I was going to take her soften her up by treating her the way she deserves, by running her a bath to soothe her aching muscles, and cooking a delicious meal to help get her energy up. I may have drawn some inspiration from how she had planned to tell me that she was 'A' as a cutesy little throwback, thanks to Daniel for telling me what that plan was. I could only keep my fingers crossed that she would react a lot better than what I did at the time - one of my many regrets from our past.
Just in case things were to go south, I made sure to savour every sweet kiss we shared until she left my driver room. The racer in me was still a little annoyed that she pipped me for pole just because she got the time before me, but I couldn't be more proud as her Fiancé. If I don't get the championship, I hope she gets it. I know I should probably wish for it to go to my teammate, but Pierre is nowhere at the minute and it just wouldn't make sense.
A knock sounded at my driver door as I completed a few last minute preps. I knew it wasn't Alyssa; she'll just walk straight in. "Come in!" I called as I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my polo. My room may be air conditioned but it's still too hot for England. "Zara?"
My eyes fell on the grinning girl before me, a slip of paper clutched in her hand. Her blonde hair was in soft curls, and her face was free of makeup. "Hi," she breathed out in excitement.
It took me a moment to process that she was actually here in front of me, and then panic set in. "W-what are you doing here? You need to leave! I gave you that pass so that you could talk to teams about jobs, not so you could see me. If Alyssa-"
"She won't - I saw her talking to a Spice Girl at the other end of the paddock," she reassured. "Besides - this couldn't wait. I have some news."
"News?" I raised my eyebrow.
Zara nodded her head and stepped further into the room. "I had a scan this morning and I found out the gender of our, well your, babies."
Did I hear her right? "Babies? As in plural?"
"Two girls," she said as a wider smile lit up her features. Oh my God. An indescribable emotion filled my entire body, from the tips of my toes to the end of my hairs on the top of my head. All the negative emotions left my body when Zara handed me a folded piece of paper. On it were multiple pictured from the ultrasound showing two developing babies. I could point out some features, such as hands and feet, and I felt my eyes welling with tears. "They're cute, no?"
"Very," I mumbled in reply, not lifting my gaze. I was so transfixed on the ultrasounds to bother looking around me. "I could never have expected twins, though. Don't they need to run in your family?"
"Uh, not always, but in my case they do. My grandmother was a twin, and so are some of my cousins." Zara took another step closer. "Are you happy?"
"I am," I answered honestly.
"Won't this make things more difficult with Alyssa? You know, now that there's another responsibility?"
Twins did make everything so much more complicated and meant I had an extra step to reveal later today. Hopefully I'll be able to plan for it after the race before I see her. The last thing I want to do is keep building onto the lies. "We'll get through it together. I'm just... so happy, and nothing can change that. Now, c'mere," I opened my arms up for Zara to step into, "let's hug it out before I inevitably find a way to screw this up."
"...and that's when you walked in. You're smart so I knew that you'll connect the dots when you saw Zara, and I knew I didn't deserve the chance to explain myself after every lie I've told you. I was half expecting you not to show today which is another reason why I wanted to sit down with Dr. Davis before - just in case you didn't want to hear it from me, you could hear it from her. I'm putting you in a difficult position, I know, but I don't want a family without you. It's always you, and it's always going to be you, Alyssa."
I took a shaky breath. I knew that the story was going to be wild but I was never expecting all of that. Everything was making sense, but I'm not sure how much I liked the sense. Just because Zara didn't want anything to do with her babies doesn't make the situation any better. "I don't think you understand how shitty it feels knowing that everything you want for a future is being handed to you by some other girl. It makes me feel like I can offer you nothing in life, like I'm just worthless and disposable."
"That is far from the truth and you know it," Max said, shaking his head.
"If I stay with you through this, I fear that I will be constantly reminded of our loss every single time I look at the babies who aren't even my own. Zara's giving you everything I wanted to give you but without all the pain, and I don't want you to look at me and be reminded of our loss for the rest of our lives. It's not fair on either of us to keep putting each other through shit."
"I won't stop fighting for us," he sternly told me as he took my hand, his grip so tight I couldn't pull it back. "You can keep pushing me away all you want but I'm not giving up."
"I'll never be their mother, Max."
"Blood doesn't make family - you know that. I know that if you stick with me through this, you'll see it'll all be worth it. We can have everything we've ever wanted together, granted it's a few years sooner than planned. We can make this work if you just give it a chance."
"I've given you a lot of chances-"
"I know," he interrupted, "and this will be the final one if you take it. Just loving me isn't enough to solve this problem, so this is the time in our relationship where I'm asking you to trust me and take this leap. I can give you time, but it's not fair to make me wait forever."
"I'll have an answer before the mid-season break," I told him. This gave me a little under three weeks to make my decision - do I stay with Max and commit to becoming a mother-figure to babies that are not my own, or do I run for the hills and risk regretting my choice for the rest of my life? I ran my tongue through my chapped lips as I tried to hold back yet another wave of tears. "Thank you for letting me make this decision myself, but I think it'll be best if you just give me the space I need. I didn't interrupt you at any point, so please don't interrupt my thinking space."
"D-do you have any questions, or want to talk about your feelings? I mean, surely you're feeling something so..." Max trailed off.
My eyes drifted towards the notebook in my hand. It was still blank. I couldn't write down anything because I had absolutely no idea what I was feeling, or how I was reacting to the story as it unfolded. Instead of revealing this, I felt some relief to see that it was now midday and the session was technically over. "I've got a plane to catch."
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*not edited*
it may seem like we didn't get to explore lys's thoughts and feelings about the whole thing it much detail, but we got a little bit of insight as to what max is feeling with the shift in pov. it's not something i particularly like when writing first pov books because i want the readers to only know what the main character knows in order to make it feel more relatable (if you get me), but this felt like a good thing to do as opposed to a speech dump. if max was going to be describing everything single thing in detail anyway, it fits that i can shift povs. this probably won't happen again unless i think it works well so please don't keep spamming my dms and asking for a lando pov or something like that - you're only ever going to know what lys knows and nothing more.
sorry for the ramble i just felt like i had to explain my decision lmao
anyway, there will be a time jump for the next chapter and i won't be writing the next race because of it. obviously i'll give it a quick once over but it'll take up a paragraph, maybe two if you're lucky.
has your opinions on max changed now that you know what's going on? what decision do you think lys'll come to? what would you do if you were in her shoes? (no lando comments pls they're literally so frustrating bc that ship has sunk to the bottom of the sea and there will never be a rescue mission for it)
as said at the beginning, the first book in this series has hit 500k. it's had over 100k reads in less than 100 days which is crazy to me and i can't thank you enough. i want to do something to celebrate - which is where you come in. please let me know any ideas you may have. i've had suggestions to write a couple of my 'what ifs', like a one-shot where alyssa never revealed her identity and such (might be a bit longer than a one-shot depending on each one), or character interviews where you submit the questions, or even just including your names in the story (although you'd also have to be a part of my discord server if you wanted this).
going to be taking a break. i've been feeling really shitty the past couple of days and it's really taken a toll on my mental health (can't leave the house without panic attack vibes whoop whoop). i don't think additional pressures are good for me right now. stay safe, cover your drinks - i love you all!
qotc: any weird childhood crushes? i'm talking cartoons
aotc: kovu (from the lion king 2), lightning mcqueen (kachow), and ben 10. no i do not take criticism at this time and if you disagree you have poor taste - i don't make the rules.