Sloane Beck
It had been seventeen hours since Blake Day made me feel like the insecure little high school girl that I fought so hard to not ever feel like.
He took away my journal.
He has my journal.
The last people to take my journal were my parents and Josh.
Fuck.
I had finished bandaging three of my cuticles. I had made them bleed in the last seventeen hours that I was awake. How could I sleep when he had my life in his hands?
Blake Day could ruin everything for me within these next few hours.
I thought he would've given me back my journal after I committed to 'dating' him. I was going to take the journal and fucking run. There was no way I was showing up at six in the morning if I had the journal.
I didn't owe him anything.
But when he didn't give me my journal back, it just showed how much of a ruthless asshole Blake Day really is. He's one of those guys that knows he's hurting you but he only does it for his benefit.
It was terrifying to see who I was dealing with.
I arrived home last night, locked myself in my room, and cried. I didn't want Finn or Ellie to come in and be all empathetic. Nobody understood what I was going through every day. The constant battle with myself to eat.
Yesterday, I was having a really tough time.
I went to eat by myself in public to make myself more comfortable. If everyone else was around me eating, then I would feel so much better. I would feel like I had to eat. But that wasn't the case.
I was halfway through with my bagel—no cream cheese. Cream cheese was dairy which meant extra calories that I didn't have room for at the moment. I was halfway through the top half of my bagel when he approached me.
"Is this seat taken?" Caden's shadow loomed over me. I gripped my phone screen extra tightly to the point of breaking. My breathing was shallow, my palms sweaty, I shook my head. "Nope, go ahead and have a seat." Maybe this was good.
Maybe he was here to tell me that he missed me and that he wanted me back.
He sat down in the chair, long legs sprawled around him on the pavement. "How have you been?" He asks almost like a shot to the chest. How have I been since you cheated on me?
How had I been since I relapsed?
I cleared my throat. I needed to fake it until I made it: until he would want me back. Until he would realize what he had been missing had been in front of him this entire time. She wasn't the one for him, I was damnit.
"I've been good actually, really good." I offered him a smile as he nodded. That's when he pointed at the bagel. "You're eating," He pointed out as I shrugged. "Trying," I admit.
And that's why it hurt so bad to even bear the idea of him breaking my heart. He knew everything, every little dirty secret of mine because I was his.
"How are you? Actually?" He pressured me within his question. I bit my lip, setting my phone down to my side. He didn't deserve to know how I was doing, but if I was going to tell him I better lie to him and make sure it's a hell of a lot better than what he thinks.
"I'm good. I've met my weight goal. I'm focusing on my grades, I'm working super hard." I smiled at him. The funny thing about smiles is that everyone wore a different one, so you really couldn't tell when someone was faking it.
"You're looking like your old self again!" He points out enthusiastically.
Yeah, the old self that he made me lose because he made me feel like I wasn't enough.
"Feel like it too," I smiled as he cleared his throat nodding. "Listen, Sloane. I don't want things to be awkward between us. I just want us to be friends right now, I don't want bad blood. I don't hate you—I never could." Yeah well, how could you hate me? I didn't give you a reason to hate me.
I didn't give him a reason to think I wasn't good enough either but apparently there were many.
But then my mind hovers over the words 'just want to be friends right now'—does that mean he will be coming back soon? I hope it does. I haven't felt okay since he left but apparently, he's felt fucking great.
But since he still wants us in each other's lives that means he misses me, or some part of me. That's such a good sign.
I chuckle, nodding. "Yes. Friends, no bad blood." He offers me a smile before standing up. "Good. I can't wait, we'll have to get coffee sometime or be pong partners. I'm going to grab a coffee before class, but we'll talk later. Okay?" I nod at his words.
I watch as he walks away from me towards Starbucks.
And now that brings me to seventeen hours later.
I was standing outside of the house I snuck out of many times for two boys that didn't deserve my time. My cuticles were bloody, the air was cold against my body. He wanted me to be here at six in the morning sharp—well here I was.
I was practically frostbitten though, the September morning air was getting chilly.
My outfit consisted of a Penn State hoodie, and sweatpants. I wasn't impressing anyone, and I had already impressed Blake enough that he wanted to be my boyfriend.
But I showed up here with intentions.
I was here to get my journal and try to find my peace of mind, hoping that he didn't read through my daily struggles. The idea of him doing that was so alarming to my mind. I didn't deserve that.
I couldn't fucking sleep all night because of it.
I just stayed locked up in my room thinking that the worst person to possibly know my secrets had them in the palm of their damn hand.
Blake Day honored privacy though, he hated his invasion. Deep down I really felt like he wouldn't snoop or read my heartfelt passages, but my head was arguing with my heart.
My lips were shivering when he opened the door, my breath released from my lips when I saw him in front of me. I raised my eyebrows, "Wanna put some clothes on?" I asked him as I only saw the towel hanging around his waist. His entire body was still wet, his hair was dripping.
I fucking hated how stupidly hot this asshole was.
"Wanna take some off?" He winks at me before stepping aside letting me in the warm house. I immediately kick my shoes off to the side, standing awkwardly near the now shut door. However, he was halfway up the stairs.
"You coming, Barbie? Or are you that dumb of a blonde?" I frowned at his words.
"You're allowing me upstairs now?" I walked towards the steps as he got to the second level. "Well, yeah. You're my girlfriend." I rolled my eyes at his words following his trail. Once I reached the second level, I walked down the hallway to the room I had become familiar with a few days ago.
"Sit," His voice ordered, he walked into the closet. I chuckled, "I'm not a dog." I crossed my arms over my chest. I observed the room, the all-black aesthetic making my head hurt. I was mentally in a dark place, I didn't need to be in one physically too.
He walked out of the closet, gray Nike sweatpants hanging dangerously low. "You're right, my bad. I forgot you had a pussy," I sucked in air at his comments. He smirked at me, "Sit down, darling. We have loads to talk about." He teases while ushering to his made bed.
Instead of me sitting on the bed like he wanted me to, I sat down right where I stood.
He clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth, chuckling. "Come on, love bug. My bark is worse than my bite. And you have way too many clothes on for me to bite, so come sit." I glared at him as he smiled.
"Fine, fine. I know what you want—the journal?" He waited for my response. I raised an eyebrow, still sitting on the floor.
"If I throw a bone will you fetch it?" I replied snarkily as he chuckles, shrugging. I shrug back, "What? I thought we were bone saying true statements." I gave him a small smile. He walks over to his bookshelf in the corner of the room, reaching for the top shelf and pulling it down towards him.
I stand on my feet, quickly. Almost too quick that all the blood rushes to my head and I nearly topple over.
I walked towards him, finally grabbing the book that has held my thoughts for the last few months. I breathe a sigh of relief when it's in my hands, completely. I turn on my feet, walking back over to my spot on the floor, observing the book.
I heard his footsteps as he walked back over to his bed.
"Blake," I called his name as he hummed.
"You didn't—" I paused. "You didn't read it? Right?" I looked up at him, his face didn't show any emotion. God, please say no. Please say no.
"Like my ass wants to read about the lifestyle of a blonde rich girl that has everything she could ever want." He shakes his head reaching for his iPhone on the bedside table.
I release my deep breath, thank god.
But at the same time, ouch. People are always so quick to assume shit about the people that they don't even know. I cleared my throat, setting my book to the side. "Come sit," He pats the bed next to him.
I chuckle, "I'm fine down here, where I'm ten feet away from your arrogant ass." He made my moods change faster than the antidepressants dads made me take throughout high school.
If only Blake Day knew what I had gone through. If only Blake Day had enough care in his body to care for someone other than himself for once.
I fucking loathed this man.
"Why am I here?" I ask as his eyes float from the phone screen to me. He offered me a smile, "Because you're my girlfriend." I groaned.
"We're not actually dating, Blake." I remind him as he smiles. "Great, so you do understand then. Who knew that you had a brain sticking on top of that body of yours." I turned cold as soon as I heard him mention my body.
My skin was crawling.
But I had to focus. I got the journal, but I wanted something out of this too.
"Why did you want to date me?" I ask him as he chuckled. "You can't handle the truth of that answer, Barbie." I narrowed my eyes at his words. "Yes, I can. I'm here and I'll leave within the next twenty seconds if you don't tell me why I'm here." I start to pull myself from the floor as he chucks his phone at the end of the bed.
"You owe me a favor, right? So the favor that I want—date me. Get my dad off of my back for doing normal college things. If I have a girlfriend, he will think I am tamed enough to not be watched. Not to mention the fact that it will look so much better if the girl whose neck I just sucked all over the national news, is my girlfriend and not some random whore." I scoffed at his words.
"You owe me, Beck." I shook my head. Denying, "I don't owe you shit." I drew a line across the hardwood with my finger. "You stuck your head into business that wasn't yours to invade. I was fine that night," He lets out a loud laugh.
"Please, Beck. You reeked of desperation in this bedroom on that very night, don't try to tell me anything different." I glared at him, not responding.
He was right.
But I wouldn't let him know that.
"I'm not dating you, I refuse," I warned as he chuckled.
"That's good," He nodded towards the computer that sat on his desk. "You see that computer? I got an email this morning from my assistant, Lola. Yeah. That precious journal of yours is on copy and file now." My mouth dropped open.
"Blake! Are you fucking kidding me! You read it!" I started to freak out as he stood off of his bed, taking steps towards me. I was going to have a meltdown. "I didn't read it, chill out. But I do have a copy of our dating contract, sign it, be my girlfriend, and you can watch me delete it from the system." He offers me.
I place my head in my hands.
"You owe me, Beck." He was blackmailing me.
I shook my head, "You're so fucked up, Blake Day. Beyond fucked up." I pushed the tears back, he wouldn't win. I wouldn't let him win. I was so much better than him.
"You gonna follow me and look at the contract, we can push the delete button together, gorgeous." I grabbed my book off the ground, pushing past him—shoving him as he chuckled at me.
"Now the contract, of course, you could make any changes you want. You just got to let me know, we'll write them in." He walked in front of me down the stairs. His words were going in one ear and other.
I couldn't just kick him in the balls and leave. This bitch, Lola—fucking copied my journal!
I will beat the fuck out of Lola.
He started to walk down the fuckway and I stopped. "Nope, no. I'm never sleeping with you ever again," I refused to walk down there. He approached his door, pulling out a key. He chuckles.
"Nobody says anything about us fucking, however if you want five times a day baby, just put it in the contract." I felt flames in my eyes.
"Chillout, Barbie. I don't sleep with bitches down this hallway anymore. This is my office." I gave him a skeptical look as he ushered for me to walk down the hallway. I quietly walked, not expecting to see what I saw.
But if it was true—I was wrong the other night whenever Blake approached me in this hallway. The night that Penn found us in his room, the night Ellie was sick. Blake wasn't fucking someone? He was in his office?
I released my breath, bracing for the lie he could be telling, but to my surprise, there isn't even a bed in this room anymore. It's all modern. A glass desk, a new iMac, everything in here was sleek and new.
He had a conference table sat in the corner near the window, television as well. I sucked in a deep breath as I heard the lock click behind me. "You locked us in?" I asked as he nodded.
"Have to," I raised my eyebrows at that.
He was a freak.
On the table held two contracts, one for me and one for him. I bit my lip, walking closer to the table. Everything in this room was either black or glass. He had a fetish for black things.
"Have a seat," He sat down in the chair across from me, ushering for me to sit. This time I listened. He laid my contact in front of me. I read over the first page, nearly choking.
"Beck v Day" was the legal heading. What the fuck am I getting myself into, do I need a lawyer?
"Alright princess, I'll go over the rules." I glared at him as I sat back in the chair pulling my knees to my chest. I was thankful I wore comfortable clothes today because I felt uncomfortable in his presence.
"You owe me. That's the point I'm trying to make here, whether you want to believe in it or not—you do. So you'll date me up to the inauguration day, January 20th." I raised an eyebrow reading over the words that were typed in bold print in front of me.
"You got to be kidding me," I muttered under my breath, my fingers running through all of the pages.
"Oh, I'm not. So, as my girlfriend, I need to you do public appearances with me. You'll look super good to the Republicans. You're blonde, blue-eyed, legally an American, rich, live in New York, you go to college." I glared at him as he smiled at me.
"Is this your way of trying to compliment me?" I asked as he chuckled. "If you want me to get on my knees and call you beautiful, you're wrong. I won't do that for any woman ever." My glare hardened as he winked at me.
"You're beautiful though," I felt the steam leaving my ears.
"Being with me right now, is a huge thing okay? I just need you as a coverup for my dad to think that I'm tamed. I want to party, I want to fuck bitches, I want to do it all. I can't with him and these reporters breathing down my neck." I understood that.
"So, I need you to be at every party with me. My dad won't think I'm fucking other girls if I act like I'm in love with you. He will also think that you have tamed the untamable, so there has to be something about you somewhere," I looked towards the ground at his words.
His words shouldn't hurt me but they do.
He wouldn't care though.
He was Blake Day.
"After inauguration day, we split. Easy as pie." I sat in silence for a few moments. I needed to collect my thoughts. I continued to let my eyes skim through the papers, reading and reading more.
What would my dads think?
What would Naomi think?
But then an idea popped into my head.
Caden wouldn't like this at all.
Caden would come crawling back to me once he saw me happy with someone else.
"Fine," I smirked as he nodded. "But I have my own condition." He sat forward, I watched as the diamond-encrusted cross hung on his neck making his tattoos shine.
"I want Caden back. If we're doing this, we're going big. I want to make him jealous. He will come back if I'm with you." Blake raised his eyebrows at my proposition, almost in a comical way.
"But I thought you weren't in love with him anymore?" His voice mocked as I rolled my eyes.
"It would be nice if he could feel an inch of the jealousy I see when he's with her. I think he's dumping her soon, so this will definitely speed it up a bit. Hopefully." I muttered the last word under my breath.
I watched as his fists were closed together, resting against his mouth.
"If you think this will bring him back and make him jealous, by all means, add it to the list." He grabbed a pen, tossing it towards me, before grabbing one for himself. "Write it down on the list—I'll be sure to grab your ass every time he's near." He says mockingly.
I scoffed, "Can you please take this seriously?" He gave me a sarcastic smile. "I'm sorry, love bug. Yes, we will do all of the disgusting things to make him come back to you." I nodded at his words, writing on the paper my conditions.
"However," He cuts off my writing.
"If he doesn't come back—that's not on me. That's not a breach of contract either, he has nothing to do with you owing me." I bit my lip, nodding. He had a point.
"Where do I sign?" I ask as he gestures for me to flip to the back of the entire contract. There was an entire page needed for signatures. I sucked in a breath, "Sign all of them?" I asked warily as he chuckled.
"If there's an X with your name under it, yes." He mocked me as I shakily sighed. I could be signing my life away. I gripped the red pen, signing my name throughout the contract, dating too.
When I was done, I looked up as he was staring at me. He nodded at me, reaching for my contract before collecting it. "Good, I'll make sure Lola makes copies of these. Now," He stood up motioning me towards the computer. He pressed different buttons, before pulling up his files.
S.B.Journal File.
"Click delete now, or forever hold your peace." He teased as I nodded. My hand reached for the mouse, immediately clicking on the delete button. "You didn't make five other copies did you?" I asked as he smiled at me.
"I wouldn't dare waste my time or Lola's copying something that has no substance or use to me. The only reason why I did it because you acted as if it were your medicine and you were sick," I pressed the close button on the tabs before stepping away from him in disgust.
"Boyfriends usually aren't horrible towards their girlfriends," I warned as he chuckled. "Don't fall in love with me, Sloane Beck. You have no use to me other than what is bound to us in this contract. You're impossible to actually like." I glared at him.
What a horrible, foul, human being.
"If only closed minds, came with closed mouths," I commented at him, walking towards the door. He laughed, "I beg to differ, sweetheart," I glared at him, reaching for the doorknob.
"Then beg," I went to turn the knob but then I remember he locked it.
"You can't leave so soon, our first affair of business is in ten minutes." I chuckled at his statement. "What is it? Learning how to properly sip tea?" I mocked as he smiled.
"Nope, we have a meeting with my father and his advisors." My heart fell to the heels of my feet.
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