In your eyes and in my eyes
We'll remember forever
It'll be the most brilliant darkness in our eyes
Wrap me around, my Aurora
- Ateez, Aurora
"Rory! There you are!", Gael yelled at the top of her lungs when Rory entered the kindergarten. With ease she lifted the small girl and spun her around, hoping she wouldn't notice her red eyes.
"You're a bit late, Aurora.", Ms. Han scolded the girl making her flinch at the use of her full name. It made her feel as if she got in trouble.
"Sorry.", Rory answered. Usually she was perfectly on time but today she just wanted to visit the memorial. She felt drained and emotionally exhausted but she had to see it. Then she turned to Gael who was already waiting. "You want to play something?"
"Yes! Can you act something with the dolls again? Please, everyone loves your stories!"
"If you want."
Gael lead Rory to a the big room where all children played and quickly told everyone to gather at the couch. Meanwhile Rory grabbed the familiar dolls and already prepared herself. Of course she loved acting. Otherwise she wouldn't have joined the theatre club. But now everything similar to it reminded her of her friends.
"Everyone ready?", she asked faking a smile. The children didn't notice and cheered loudly. Even the small Hwayoung, who usually didn't like to participate in anything, smiled at her.
"Can you please tell us the tale of Sleeping Beauty?", the girl asked shyly. Rory almost rolled her eyes. Because of her name the children thought she liked the tale. She did, but it bothered her how people judged her because of it.
"Of course.", Rory answered. A few moments later the fake smile on her face was replaced with a real one. The reactions of the children were making it difficult for her to keep a serious tone. They were so enthusiastic and gasped, even though they have heard the story ten times already.
When Rory finished the children immediately ran to her and praised her skills. Gael clung onto her hand and had a huge smile on her face.
"That was awesome!"
Hwayoung on the other hand had a confused expression on her face. Worried Rory turned to her and asked what was bothering the little girl.
"I just don't understand why it's always princes saving princesses. Maybe Sleeping Beauty could save a prince as well, you know?"
"Hwayoung.", Rory said surprised at the thoughts of the girl. "That's a very good point. Maybe next time I'll tell you a story where the princess saves a prince."
"Would you?", Hwayoung asked, her eyes sparkling in excitement. Rory immediately forgot about her worries if she could even tell such a story and nodded. If she could make a little girl's day, she would do it.
The rest of the day Rory spend much time with the children, making Ms. Han's day a bit easier. An hour before the parents would fetch their children, a familiar guy walked through the door and greeted his mother. When he spotted Rory playing happily, he couldn't help but smile.
"Mom, do you think she'll get better?", he asked worried. He never really talked to her. Only when Changbin or Chan were around and he wondered how this catastrophe had changed her personality. Before Chan would always brag about his sister, how cute and funny she was. But now he rarely talked about her without being worried. He always asked the boys for help or advice but only Changbin knew Rory that well.
Ms. Han smiled sadly. "I think it's helping a bit, Jisung. But I'm not sure if she'll ever get like before again. It changes her."
"Hopefully she'll be able to live normal again.", Jisung whispered. He didn't know Rory that well but he cared about Changbin's and Chan's health. Both were worried sick. Shaking his head he put a bag onto the table. "I got some sweets for the kids."
"If you continue bringing them snacks, I'll get sued by angry parents, you know?"
"Maybe, but it's the easiest way to get kids like me."
"I did not raise you to be like that."
"Ups.", Jisung said with no hint of shame in his voice. Then he turned to the children. "Hey, guys! Food is here!"
A second later all children were trying to get their favourite sweets and almost fought each other. Meanwhile Jisung used the chance to talk to Rory who was just tidying up toys.
"Hey.", he said softly making Rory flinch in surprise. When she realized it was him she relaxed a bit. Still she couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed. It was not that she didn't like Jisung. In fact, she thought he was really funny. It was more the way he treated her. Most people, including him, treated her like a shy cat which would back away the moment you came to close. Rory was sick of being treated like a child. Yes, she had a trauma. Yes, she knew something was wrong with her. But this didn't give people the right to treat her like a child, who didn't know what was going on.
"Hi, you came late today.", Rory replied, the usual fake smile on her face. People like Jisung, who didn't know her well enough, fell for her fake happiness. The only one she couldn't trick was her brother, Chan.
"The boys and I were playing football after school."
"Ah right. Changbin mentioned it."
"So, are you coming to his house tonight? We're playing some games."
For a second Rory thought about it. She knew she should try to get back to her old life. Even though she didn't do much today, she felt tired. That's what she felt a lot lately. Just tired. The smallest interactions made her lose energy. Even the children, who didn't know about her accident, and treated her like a normal adult, took up energy if she was around them for too long.
"Probably not. I have a lot of homework to do.", Rory answered. Jisung nodded and to be honest, he hadn't expected a different answer. It wasn't a total lie. The teachers were aware it was a difficult year for everyone, since many were still mourning, but still they gave them much homework.
But Rory knew she wouldn't do it. Her grades had dropped drastically, which didn't surprise her. Her whole view of life had changed. Before she would do it with ease and pull all-nighters just to get a good grade. Now she didn't really care about it anymore. What was the point of studying this stuff, if she would forget it days after?
An hour later Rory reached her home. With a sigh she entered it and took off her shoes and jacket. She could already smell the familiar scent of pancakes and a sad smile appeared on her face. Her mother always tried to come home from work early, just so she could care and cook for Rory. It touched the girl but at the same time she didn't want special treatment.
"Hey, Mom.", she said and this time she smiled really.
"Oh, dear. Come, sit down. How was your day?", her mother immediately asked after pulling Rory into a short hug. Her hair was messy and the apron she wore was dirty but Rory still thought she was beautiful.
"It was ok. The children were nice and I met Jisung again."
"Oh, he's nice, isn't he? How was your exam?"
"My exam?", Rory said, knowing fully well she hadn't gotten a single question right. "Difficult."
Her mother's smile froze for a second. The past few weeks Rory had answered this question always with this answer. And it always ended with her getting null points.
"Maybe Chan can help you? I'm sure he wouldn't mind explaining a few things to you.", her mother suggested but Rory was already shaking her head. It was true, her brother was actually good at school but he had already done so much for her. She didn't want to bother him again.
"I'm okay.", Rory lied. "I'm sure he has better things to do than to help his little sister."
"Maybe. But don't forget your appointment tomorrow."
"I won't. I'll go upstairs.", Rory said with a sigh and took the plate with the pancakes with her. Her mother watched her leave the room and couldn't help but worry. Once a week Rory had an appointment with her psychologist, Ms. Choi, but it wasn't helping.
When Rory entered her room, she felt bad for her mother. Out of guilt she ate a bit but still left the plate half full. With slow steps she went to her bed to lay down. Her gaze then wandered to the pictures on her wall. Most of them were pictures with Danbi. Some even were from their last play at school. A few were with Changbin and Chan.
Ms. Choi had suggested to take those with Danbi of, so they wouldn't trigger the trauma. At first Rory had tried and had cried while taking them off. Chan had been by her side and put them away, pulling his sister into a big hug afterwards. But after one sleepless night of staring at the now mostly empty wall, Rory hung them up again. They were her last memories of Danbi. The last reminder, she actually existed, not like some people, who tried to forget them.
Rory took out the bracelet of Danbi and placed it on the table on the side of her bed. At first she had promised herself to give it back to Seonghwa when he came back. It belonged to him and was the last evidence of their relationship. But he didn't come back. And so Rory kept it safe.
Watching the bracelet sparkle in the last rays of sunshine, Rory fell asleep peacefully.
But then the nightmare came.
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What do you think about the new album so far?