The slap shocks me, and yash next to me is shocked too. He walks away leaving only mother and me.
"What was that for?", I ask angrily
"You knew all along, that I was your mother, yet you choose to stay silent?!", she screams and I am so paranoid and terrified to respond.
She instructs me to pack my bags and asks me to lead to my room.
My world came crashing down. I was terrified and shocked and shattered. I saw my mother, standing next to me. This time, she knew exactly who I was. She could read my eyes, and find resemblance. She could trace all of those scars and wounds, and could call my name without any hint of doubt. For once, I was hers not just legally. But, our hearts were far apart. There was a ocean between us, too deep, engulping us each minute. Call it telepathy, but I could read her lips and see thoughts running through her mind. But, we spoke no longer than 10 mins. She showed me court orders, I was bound under custody mess, that directed my legal rights to be transferred to mom, when I turn 18. As if I was a mere property. And I so was, uncalled for, anyone chose to pick me and leave me at their own convinence. Be it my own parents.
So here I was winding my life away, once again. Holding pieces of my life and tugging them in a luggage. Without any goodbyes or last hugs. Without letting udita know, that I knew vihaang all along. Without letting anyone know, that I hid from them all my life secrets and kept them tucked away becauae I was so afraid of dissappointing vihaang. And that, this moment, when I might see him, I have absolutely no words in my head on how to talk to him.
I was looking at my room, trying to capture each nook and corner. Trying to relive all the memories in few fraction of seconds, while my heart kept wanting more. I wanted scream and cry and do everything a normal girl my age would. I wanted to lean on and cry. I was scared and afraid.
After so long I build my life piece by piece and like everytime, my parent were willing to destroy it for sake of their enemity like ny life were some sand castle, ready to be ruined every time.
I pleaded for a little more time, I wanted to let udita know I will he safe but mother wanted us to leave as quickly as possible. We have final court proceedings in 20 mins. And with that I stepped out of my bedroom.
In that minute, I regretted so many things. Things I said and things I didn't.
I should have said sorry to akash for always laughing at him, and for not saying thanking when I was sloshed at a bar. I should have told him how I wanted vihaang to love me, I should have told him, that I was scared to seeing mom that his party. And I should have told him, that udita was the good girl but I was the right girl. That I was in love. In love with akash.
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*2 weeks post prom*
"Mishka come for dinner", mother screams my name.
Its been two weeks since I saw my friends last. Soon after proceedings, mother took me to her home. She introduced me to her husband's kid - Nupur and Pulkit.
But she told vihaang I was her cousin. It infuriated me beyond words. I wanted to scream.
I walk downstairs, and I see mother with those three. And it feels dad's place all over again. I am an extra and always will be.
I sit next to vihaang, who is barely talking to me.
It angers me and I throw the plate on the floor. The plate shatters into million places. The food is scattered everywhere.
The next minute, my mother gets up, furious and shocked, she slaps me hard. Harder than last time at prom.
"MISHKA!! HOW DARE YOU DO SUCH A THING AT MY HOUSE", she screams.
"I don't KNOW YOUR HOUSE RULES! AND I dont care! Why will I? Did you care when you left me and turned your back at me. Did you care? When I celebrated my birthdays, new years and diwali alone? Did you care when I was bought up by pammi who couldn't care less if I was dead or alive? Did you mother? Did you???", I scream and wiping my tears I run to my room upstairs.
Mother being the insensitive person that she is instructs the maids in the house, to not serve me food.
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*2 months post prom*
There is agony and pain. There is hurt and there is remorse. There is sadness and lonliness. There is anger. I feel it all building up inside of me.
I miss my friends but mother ended up throwing my phone away. She expected me to forget everything and move on, as IT WOULD HELP ME HEAL!
All it did was, make me feel worse every second. I wanted vihaang, so bad. But every so minute I missed udita and akash more.
I had to see them once. Just once.
I decide to run away from home. The plan was simple. 1 am, I would jump from my window and find the closest bus station and hop onto the any bus that could me to pune.
I had started saving food and money by stealing vihaang's piggy bank and by not eating food. By this time, I was sure. I would be okay.
I jump out of the window as planned but as soon as I reach for the gate, the main alarm buzzes.
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*7 months post prom*
I try running once again. I had to tell akash and udita I was fine. I had to apologise for all the agony I might be causing them.
This plan was foolproof. Nupur was there, she understood my heart and she decided to help.
"Be safe, and tell akash how you feel", she smiles.
"Thank you for this", I look at her with grateful eyes.
"GO- Gooo, don't miss you bus and reach back before 5 pm, day after tomorrow. Mom thinks you are in summer camp with me", she reassures me and with that I reach for the bus.
The half a journey seemed unbearable. I was so anxious to meet all of them. I tried sleeping, listening to music or just eating something. But my heart won't rest.
As soon as I reach pune, I pay the first taxi driver I find, and instruct them to take me to my old college.
As I enter the college premise, I feel a gush of emotions, its overwhelming and heartwarming. Its was probably the most adorable phase of my life. I wanted to see there faces one more time. Just one more time.
"MISHKA!", yash waves at me.
"Hi", I reply. It felt weird but even seeing yash bought a sense of home.
"Dude where were you?", he asks and I try to avoid answering questions
I tell him that I want to see akash and udita. I end up blurting out that I like akash and I see a sense of uneasiness engulfing him.
"Mish -", He tried to speaks and I interrupt him
"Blurt it out! At this point I am reafy for anything", I reply
"See this video", he hands me his phone over.
It was what felt like, the toughest 4 mins pf my life. I wanted to throw the phone away and scream. I was shattered once again. It was a video of guari proposing akash, and he accepts the same. The next min, udita runs ands hugs them. They seemed happy and nothing less than happy. They didnt seem anxious, or sad of depressed or stuck woth life. They moved on.
I was an extra and always will be.
I take a taxi and head right back to our fake summer camp. All my journey, I cried, blickered, and was hurt beyond repair.
Meet me, the most useless, unwanted person in the world.
I walk back to nupur and my room. I dont expect nupur to be there. But she is there, with a tub of ice cream and tissue paper. My eyes are numband tired. My heart is broken and my body aches. My soul is tired and my dreams shattered. I am lost.
She engulfes me into a tight hug, as if she read my eyes and all the thoughts running in my head. I sit next to her, as she wipes my tears. I let her do that. I was too tired to carry the weight of pain anymore.
"There is nothing, ice cream can't heal", she smiles, handing me the spoon.
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Hey guys!
Hope you like the story!
What did you feel about mishka?
Stay tuned!
Love-
Ziva