With his beaming grey eyes, the young boy looks up at me with anticipation and hope for appraisal. "Edythe! Look! Look!" he exclaims, shoving his carved wooden horse into my hands.
I take it, a soft smile already forming on my lips. "What's this?" I ask. Of course, I already know what it is, identifying the horse and its rider with ease. Tyrant is making strides in his creativity. Despite being only 8, he displays a natural talent for carving wood.
"A horse and his rider, silly!" Tyrant exclaims, nudging my shoulder.
Laughter spills from my mouth as I continue to examine his work. "Well, it's a magnificent horse and rider, Tyrant. You should carve more often."
"Mr Blaze says that I could become a great artist", Tyrant tells me. The boy pulls himself onto a seat, his legs dangling over the ground.
I giggle. "Is that so?"
"Mhm! And he says I may also be just like you one day, Edythe!" Tyrant beams.
"And what is that?"
"One of The Wolf's friends", Tyrant answers.
My smile falters at the innocent words. They carve into my soul.
I have begun to wonder if I should find a way out of here for some time. Someway that won't end in my head on a spike. For a time, I had thought this was the life I wanted for myself, but alas, once again, I have found that I don't belong.
All I want is to belong to something. To anything. But this family. It's not what I thought it to be. Being a family member doesn't mean anything. You mean as much to Ronon as an ant that he steps on. He may bribe you with promises, but in the end, if you ever want anything for yourself, he terrifies you with threats.
I don't want that for Tyrant.
"We'll see", I whisper, running my hand through the boy's dark curls.
"Edythe?" Tyrant frets, sadness filling his features.
"Yes?"
"I don't want to leave you," he whines.
I sniff back the tears threatening to spill. "I know, tiger. But unfortunately, we don't get to have what we want in this life."
"B-But will you be okay?" He asks, glossy grey eyes peering up at me with concern.
A smile tugs at my lips. "I'll be okay. I promise. And so will you. Remus is a delightful man. He and his wife will teach you much and look after you as though you are their own."
"But-w-will we ever see each other again?" Tyrant demands, "how will we find each other?"
I sigh, continuing to brush through his hair. My eyes wander into the distance as I try to think of any way to rid Tyrant of his fears. Looking over my wall, I see the carvings that I made a long time ago when I had first found myself in this horrible place. A small smile tugs at my lips, giving me an idea.
"Hey Tyrant, follow me", I offer, the boy taking my hand as I lead him over to the wall.
I kneel, the boy mirroring my actions. I smile at him, pulling out my dagger.
"Here", I begin to carve my initials into the wall, digging away at the black brick. Tyrant frowns as I do so. "Now you do yours", I offer the dagger to the boy.
He takes it without hesitation. Despite only being 8, he has fierce bravery and maturity that most children his age would never have. Tyrant begins to carve his initials into the wall beside mine. His tongue tucked between his teeth in concentration.
"Done" he offers the dagger back to me.
I take the dagger, carving symbols around our initials. I complete the carving with an infinity sign. "There we go. Now we will always be together," I promise, brushing away the debris from the carving.
"But how?"
"When I lived with the druids, I learnt a small trick", I explain. "If you carve someone's initials into a tree or a stone and complete it with these symbols. It will mean the two people are always with each other in spirit. And that if they ever need one another, they will be able to find each other again."
"Really?" Tyrant excites, his red cheeks beaming.
"Really."
***
Morning comes after what feels like an eternity. I find I'm one of the last to rise from slumber as Arthur begins giving commands to all the knights and Merlin. I help pack up to get on the road as soon as we're able. The others saddle the horses and attach the bags in a blink of an eye. If we get moving, our destination should be within a few hours' distance.
At the head of the group, I begin to navigate to the best of my memory through the forests toward the border of Escetir. It feels strange coming back in this direction. I have often felt like I don't belong in this area anymore. It feels like I am a fake for coming in this direction. I am now an outsider. And they hate outsiders. The thought sends a chill down my spine.
"Why these castle ruins?" Arthur asks, riding alongside me. "What makes them the place for these festivities you speak of?"
"It's a place of the old religion, believed to be cursed with demons and dark magic. The normal folk don't venture there out of fear. But anyone who believes or practices in the faith knows it is all stories made up to keep any passersby away. It's well hidden and a perfect place for meeting."
"The Wolf?" Arthur questions.
I curse myself for saying too much. "The leader. Don't worry about him. He won't be there. Please don't bother asking questions about him. He's not our concern."
"You can't keep avoiding whatever you don't want to tell me when it comes to this man", Arthur offers. I don't miss the annoyance in Arthur's voice at my lack of compliance to speak. I can also hear the concern of the unknown, the possibilities of what may have happened to me in my past.
"I can. And I will," I retort. "Like I said yesterday. I'll only tell you what you need to know to get this stone back."
"Fine", Arthur sneers ", but just know-"
"I can tell you anything", I finish for Arthur, glancing back at my brother. "I know that. And I thank you for it. But please don't push that kind of information from me. I don't want to discuss it."
We ride in silence for a few minutes before Arthur finally speaks again. Thankfully he changes the subject from Ronon. "So what does Tyrant have to do with all this? You said he is on the bottom of their hierarchy. Why send him to retrieve such a powerful object?"
"I'd say it's a test."
"A test?"
"Yeah, like an initiation", I explain. "It's the way they weave out the weak from the loyal."
"This sounds like some kind of rebellious movement", Leon notes from behind us. The knight had caught up to us, choosing to leave the banner of the others behind.
"Of sorts. But we don't have to worry about that."
Arthur sighs at my words. Annoyed hearing the same thing over and over.
After what feels like forever, we reach the border of Escetir. We decide to stop before we reach the ruins, abandoning the horses tied and hidden in the forest. We don't want to attract attention to ourselves.
I lead at the head of the group, recalling as much as I can from memory to get us in the vicinity of the castle ruins. My hand runs along a tree, the imprint carved into its trunk on the other side rubbing against my palm. I come to a stop.
My hand raises, a little shaky as I stare ahead. "It's just through that shrub."
"The castle?" Arthur asks, appearing by my side.
My eyes fix on the direction of where I know the castle stands. All fear is now replaced with caution as my survival skills take flight. I have my guard up now. Only a thick forest's edge stands between the many people I have wronged over the years and me. They are in the company of other creeps that I also have not missed.
And I owe them all money. My inner thief chuckles at the thought.
"Yes."
In a mixture of emotions, there's also anger boiling inside me. I have grown to hate the person I once was and the world I was once a part of. I can feel the pain I had caused others, and I can feel the anguish I had blindly watched from the sidelines.
Arthur turns to his men. "Elyan, round to the north and get a look at the castle's back. Look to see if there are any entrances. Leon circle from the south and get an estimate of numbers present. Gwaine, keep watch from the east. Keep an eye on safety. The rest of us will make sure the horses are covered."
Everyone dispatches from the group, setting off to do their tasks given. Yet I remain frozen, my limbs refusing to move. Like when standing at the edge of a cliff, and your body tries to pull you back but also chooses to freeze in fear you'll fall. Standing here, I am on the border between worlds. The world I now know and cherish, and the dark deceitful one.
I can feel it oozing like a black liquid between the veil of the beautiful light. Much hate has grown, the hate filling through what was once my passion and love. Now my love is Camelot and all those who live in it. The things I had once cherished seemed like a demon haunting me. And now that demon doesn't feel as far away as he should.
The demon I speak of has nothing to do with what we are here for today. But he feels closer than ever before.
"Edythe," Percival calls, pulling me from my daze. "Would you like to carry your remedies? Or shall I leave them with the horses?"
I turn, pulling myself away from the darkness and back into the light. A smile takes its place on my face, a defence to mask my worry. "I'll carry them."
I help Merlin feed and water the horses, waiting for the others to return. Waiting doesn't soothe my anxiety. I know they will return. They are light on their feet and good at staying hidden when observing. But I can't help the worry every time the group splits up.
Arthur stands in the distance as he pulls supplies from the horses' backs. I can see him in deep thought, devising a plan. I know he and the others want to ask questions, but I will only answer the relevant ones to get back the stone. They are the only answers that matter. Maybe I'll share the horrors I have faced one day, but not this day.
"My lord", the voice of Leon acknowledges as he, Gwaine and Elyan appear through the dense forest once more. "It's bigger than we thought. The small castle is overflowing with bandits and all kinds of armed men."
"There are campers stationed all around the castle, Sire. There's no way to see what's going on inside the castle. There's no way to sneak in," Elyan adds, lost for breath.
My heart bounds. "That's not right. It's only the first week," I speak out loud, even though it's more a discussion with myself. "Just means that this event is getting bigger than I remember."
"Well, we're going to need to be careful about this. We aren't exactly able to walk through the front door," Arthur confesses, also thinking out loud. An idea is playing on his mind, but he is reluctant to say so.
"We need to do this without causing chaos", Leon adds, following Arthur's suggestion.
"I've thought about this during our trip", Arthur acknowledges. "And as much as I hate it. We've only got one option-"
"To send me in", I finish for him, stepping forward. I know what I have to do. There's no other way around this. "I know the place best. And I know how these festivals work."
"I don't want it to be our first option, though", Arthur argues, already hating that he had made the suggestion. "I don't want to put you in harm's way."
"It's our only option."
"We'd be sending you into the lion's den, Edythe", Leon protests.
"There'd be no guarantee that you'd be coming out", Gwaine objects, not liking the suggestion either. "We wouldn't be able to protect her", he adds, now addressing Arthur.
Arthur shakes his head. "Believe me. I don't like it any more than you do. But Edythe is strong. She's been in places like this before. I have faith that she'll be able to walk in there and get the stone out without a debate. It's better than us going in there with swords raised and battle cries."
"She has a point, and I agree with Arthur", Merlin speaks up, arms crossed, hidden behind the group. "Edythe knows what she's doing. She knows the risk. If we don't get that stone back, we don't know the damage it could do to Camelot. The risk is worth any one of us walking in there. At least Edythe will stand a better chance."
"She could die", Leon hisses.
"And she can decide for herself", I assert. "I want to do it. I want to get the stone back. Besides, it is my fault the stone got stolen in the first place, and my idea to come here. Did you not think I hadn't thought about this? I will go, and I will get the stone back."
Leon, now by my side, groans defiantly. I know that my safety concerns them with no way to protect me. But it is their safety that is driving me to do this. I screwed up. I need to fix this.
Leon and I hold an intense glare, silently arguing. He knows how stubborn I can be, and I know how easy it is to make him submit to my decisions. Leon gives in, letting out a deep sigh. "If anything went wrong, we would be close...and as Edythe said...she can look after herself."
My eyes fall back on Arthur, a satisfied smirk taking my lips with Leon's words. Arthur looks back at me with lips pressed hard but watches in thought. He can see that I will win either way and has no choice. I know for a fact that Arthur always listens to Leon's advice. I know that he always listens to me too, so there's no stopping him from saying yes.
"Fine", He grumbles, "we'll do it your way."