Callie pov
Walking though the door last night I feel anything, instead of ordering food I head for shower needing to waste the grease of my hands, it already smells but this is strong, turning the shower on I wait a couple of seconds letting it warm up before I strip and climb in. Looking at my self in the mirror I don't recognise anymore all I see are the scars that are still remaining, realising my hair out the ponytail I don't more from the mirror looking into my own eyes I don't see nothing, I feel empty, pulling away from the mirror I finally climb in the shower letting the water run down my body, closing my eyes the images of kai lifeless body replaces the darkness
"why did I have to die" hearing voices in my head I slide down the shower sitting on the floor bending my legs up using my hands to cover my ears, looking at my hands all I see if blood, I could have saved him. I don't want to listen to the voices trying to creep though, there was nothing I could have done, why did he have to die is the big question.
"you killed me" shaking my head I try my hardest to shut the voices up but turning music on from my phone but they keep coming, climbing to my feet I put my hands back over my ears, placing my head against a wall before closing my eyes, a single tears rolls down my cheek as I think about kai and what would of happened if he didn't enter the building, if we didn't get the information about what was happening , we could of been married now with children on the way. Still hearing the voice I open my eyes looking down and no longer seeing water but seeing blood come from the shower head, I have blood on my hands
"shut up... shut up... shut up..." I scream punching the wall where my shower sips before running out the shower throwing a towel over my body, running to my room I turn the lights off wanting nothing but the darkness, sitting at the end of my bed knees up against my body I stay silent not wanting to move. Closing my eyes I let the voices in and the images of kai dying over and over again, the blood leaking from his body, the way his eyes closed for the last time, his hand coming up begging to be helped but instead I broke down, its all my fault I got him killed. I killed him. He's dead. Shaking my head I start pulling at my head wanting it to end.
As the week comes and go I haven't let the room, I haven't eaten I haven't showered, the pills on the side of the bed remain up opened looking at me, begging me to take them and end it all now but as I sit in the darkness the only thing that lights up is my phone, it wont stop going of, its making me go crazy. Grabbing the phone from the bed stand table I turn the off button not reading any messages, I don't trust myself.
1 missed call from jay
5 unread messages from jay
1 missed call from dad
8 missed calls from Jacob
3 voicemails from Jacob
4 unread messages from Matt
9 unread messages from teresea
27 unread message from the boys group
Turning my phone off before throwing it off the bed I sit in the darkness letting the silence in, i don't know what to believe anymore, I can't see anything but kai and the moment he was killed, we all should of known it was a trap, I could of went in with him and ill be with him, no longer alone. Hearing banging at the door with faint voices I lay on the floor with my hands covering my ears, knowing no one is getting in, as the banging stop I realise I'm alone and the voices come back, climbing to my feet I start shaking my head begging for it too stop, I cant un-see the images, one by one of kai body, the bodies I kill, the thoughts off ending it all now.
"Callie, hey Callie its me. you're alright. Look at me please" hearing the voices I open my eyes finding teresa in front of me with Paul standing at the door, the worried looks don't leave there faces as they look at me and then thee night stand where the pills sit, before I have a chance to say anything teresa is picking the pill bottle up looking at it but a sign of relief floods over the both of them when they realise it hasn't been open however they cant say the same about me, pulling me on the bed Paul gets a wet cloth for teresa as she looks at my hand. When Paul comes back with a wet cloth teresa wipes my hands wiping the blood away but as I look at my hands I see all the blood I spilled over the years, the amount of bodies I killed, starting to have a panic attack teresa drops the cloth and holds my face up to hers talking to her but I hear nothing but silence, I haven't slept in so long and they both know it. Holding my engagement ring in my hands I think about kai trying to think about the good ones like teresa keeps telling me too.
A couple hours later Teresa has got me to calm down and while she stands at my door she thinks I'm asleep, I know they don't want to leave me alone, I can hear them talk about me worried about what I could of done if they haven't come, with my eyes close I listen to there conversation about staying for a few days, wondering if they should get me to talk to someone but I cant, they wouldn't understand... As my Paul being pulled too I hear a Terese on the phone
"Jacob this isn't good, she had pills on her table sitting in front of her I'm worried, please I'm begging you to come back and talk to her" hearing Terese voices begging to her son I cant help but let my tears flow thinking about how worried they both got, I wouldn't of taken the pill would i. I'm still being haunted by the memories, that I have off kai, I been trying to pick myself up piece by piece but the memories are replaying in my head off all the whats ifs. I'm struggling as every time I think of the good memories of kai, the bad one always seem to appear especially the night he was killed, I couldn't unseen everything.
Waking up two days later I didn't think I would of slept that long but opening my eyes I have seen Jacob on the floor of my bedroom sleeping peacefully, his parents didn't need to worry him about everything, I managed to cry myself to asleep after hearing teresa on the phone holding my engagement ring closely to my heart. Moving my legs I accidentally wake Jacob up, his eyes shut open looking me over and looking at my hands, shaking his head before taking a seat next to me, looking in his eyes I can see hurt and sadness in his eyes, he holds himself responsible for what happened but he doesn't have too, I know I should of asked for help but I couldn't I thought I could do this alone, guess I was wrong as I look down at my hands that now how bandages wrapped around them.
"I told you Callie you can call me, don't be afraid to ask for help please" I hear Jacob begging as he looks at me before digging in his bag for something, I know he asked me to ring him anytime but I didn't think I could, I didn't want to be a burden to him and his life. As Jacob pulls a letter out his bag I spot the handwriting straight away as kai, knowing I have a confused look on my face, I look I'm between the letter and Jacob wanting to know how he's got a letter from him.
"kai told me to hold onto this incase of an emergency, he knew you would struggle. Once you read this I'll be downstairs ready to listen when you are, we are here to help" nodding to my head holding kai letter in my hands I don't know what to do with it, I have watched Jacob up and leave, leaving me alone with the letter. Looking at his handwriting brings back memories, he never did have good handwriting. Opening the letter I'm not sure I can do this, he meant so much to me...
To my princess
I thought we be together forever growing old together and living in a little house near a ocean but I guess god had other plans if your reading this, I know I'm sorry. I told Jacob to hold onto this letter incase you ever needed it, this letter is for when your struggling or in a dark place. You are a whole lot of special and don't forget that, the place where you at right now doesn't define you and don't let it, break free. I know my death would of hurt you and if your ever struggling to copy with anything please I'm begging you to ask for help, I might of gone but I never want to see you taken your own life, ill see you on the other side when your grey and old, I know you will still be attractive to me, I care about you and I want you to succeed in life, grab it by the horns and rock the life out of it, if not for me but for you, theres darkness everywhere but look for the light like I seen the light in you. You have got this I believe in you and so does everyone who loves you, I hope we see each other again when the times ready and if you're ever in a dark place read this letter again knowing I believe in you. You got this princess. I'm watching on cheering the loudest for you from heaven. I love you and if you ever miss me as much as I miss you, remember I'm still apart of you. live love and laugh baby. I love you
from your prince.
Matt pov
Walking though the reception I smile at Ellie while she's on the phone, I have asked her to take less jobs this week as I cant seem to get a hold of Callie, she hasn't turned up to work all week and when I went to her place I got no answer, all the lights was off. I never get worried till today when Ellie was talking to Jacob on the phone, when Ellie asked if I have spoken to or seen Callie this week I shake my head stepping closer to the desk wanting to know if anything happened, I though she must of gone out of town with her apartment looking quiet, no one seen her walk in or out the apartment within that week. When Ellie hangs the phone up I look at her wanting more information of why he called, I know its not for a conversation as I don't think those two have met well I don't think they have
"Jacob couldn't get a hold of Callie and wanted to know if we seen her, his parents are on the way anyway he said" nodding my head I walk back in the garage wondering whats happening, I know sometime people that suffer a tragic accident have some form of PTSD however I haven't seen any signs of it in Callie, I know I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't know but I thought Callie was fine. Trying not to think about everything I decide to message Callie hoping she well before getting back to work, ill try reaching her in a couple of days knowing she has Jacob parents with her, I hope she is doing ok though.