Arcanum Hominem (#1)

Chapter 39

I turned around, wincing as I moved.

"Sorry." A voice muttered, making my eyes snap open. It was dark in my room, the sun no longer shining, but instead, it was the moon. It was nighttime. "I didn't mean to wake you," Killian murmured, making me slowly look up at him. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, and his tired eyes were filled with worry.

"Killian," I croaked, trying to sit up. I winced when I stretched my neck and huffed from how weak I was feeling.

"Hey, hey, don't try to move. It's okay."

I relaxed back into the bed and scooted closer to him instead, resting my head on his chest. "You're not supposed to be here," I mumbled sleepily, fighting to keep my eyes open. Killian wrapped an arm around me gingerly, hand rubbing my arm. 

"I wasn't, but of course you had to get yourself into some trouble, so I had to come back," he responded softly, now stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry. Did you at least find the person who was after us?" I asked softly, looking up at him, trying my hardest not to wince. It also hurt to speak, but I had so many things to say. He shook his head, looking up at the ceiling.

"No, we didn't, but we did get a few clues that will help us be successful."

"That's good," I answered simply and stared at the lines in his shirt. I was comfortable in his arms and relieved that he was safe. Not knowing whether he was safe or not had me thinking about all of the questions I had that would be left unanswered. And of course, because I wanted him to live. We sat in comfortable silence for a little while, him stroking my hair while my fingers traced lazy circles on his chest. All the questions I had went away as sleep began to overtake me again, the pain just a dull throb in the background. 

"Have you ever been in a relationship?" Killian asked me softly, right as I was succumbing to the beautiful sleep that wanted to overtake me. His question surprised me. Usually, I was the one to start asking personal questions.

"Um, yes, actually. Two of them. Neither were successful." I answered, gritting my teeth as I thought about my trash exes. 

"Why were they not successful?" 

"They both loved sticking their dicks in other holes that weren't mine." I rolled my eyes at the memories. That was also why relationships were a no go for me.

"Sorry you had to experience that. No one deserves to feel that type of pain." His voice was still soft and smooth, his words making my chest tighten, and I had to inhale to get rid of the feeling. 

"What about you? Any relationships?" I asked him, turning the attention away from me. He sighed and shifted, careful not to move me too much, and was silent for a second before speaking. 

"Yeah, a few. The most recent I thought would be successful. She understood me and what I did. I thought she was okay with it. But in the end, she said it was too stressful for her, not knowing if one day she wakes up to find out I'm dead. She also couldn't stand the thought of me taking someone else's life. So, she left me for someone with a more conventional job." He cleared his throat when he finished speaking, and I placed a hand on his chest, my thumb rubbing the muscles. He sounded like he was in pain the way his voice started getting softer as he continued the story. 

"I'm sorry about that. You must've really loved her." 

"I did, and I won't ever love anyone the same again," he whispered, pressing his face in my hair. 

"Me neither," I whispered back, knowing exactly how he felt. Why love again when all the person might do is hurt you in the end? "I will say that I do understand her worry about whether or not you're alive or dead. I was a bit stressed about it myself today, and we're not even in a relationship." I chuckled lightly, moving my head slowly to look up at him. He looked down at me, emerald eyes curious. 

"You worry about me?" he asked, brows scrunched. His stare was getting too intense for me, so I ducked my head in his chest. 

"Of course I worry about you, isn't that what friends do?" I asked softly, not sure if he heard me or not from my current position. He chuckled, and I felt the vibration against my head from his chest. 

"Yes, I guess it is." He planted a soft kiss on my forehead, making me feel warm inside. This friendship thing could actually work. It was crazy to think about where it all started. In a classroom. I had one last question that was bugging me since after the incident with Dilan.

"Killian?" I said his name softly, and he hummed in response. "After what happened with Dilan, it got me thinking about what I asked before. Something that would've helped me in that situation." I paused when his body stiffened, and an annoyed sound came from the back of his throat. 

"Scarlett, I already gave you my answer. I don't want you involved in this life. It's not safe." 

I didn't even ask the question, and he was already shutting me down. I sat up abruptly, ignoring the pain that shot through my head and neck. I stared Killian down with narrowed eyes while he looked up at me from on his back with careful eyes.

"Let's talk about this then since we're being so open with each other." I stretched my legs over his, getting comfortable before continuing. "Tell me, Killian, what's going to happen when you finally catch the guy? You're going to dump me back to my real life, and then what? Stop talking to me, shut me out of your life forever like we never had a connection? Please, tell me. Because in my eyes, you training me will just help me learn how to defend myself, not get thrown into your chaotic life." I glared at him as he looked to the side, jaw ticking. 

"I don't know." His response was so low, I almost didn't hear him. I scoffed and scooted off the bed, standing up. Even though it was dark, I could still see every feature on his face in the moonlight.

"You don't know? You don't know? What the fuck, Killian! What is the point of all of this then? What is the point of getting to know me, forming a bond with me, if you're just going to dump me?" I threw my arms up in the air, not believing his response. I deserved more than that. He scoffed as he stood up, standing directly in front of me, a frown on his face.

"I can't dump you if we were never in a relationship, Scarlett." 

"Fuck you, you know I didn't mean it in that way. Tell me what you're going to do with me once this is all over." I demanded, and his nostrils flared as he glanced to the side, staring at the floor. He couldn't even look me in the eyes.

"Yes, you're going to go back to your normal life and try to forget any of this happened." His voice was low, and he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw. My breathing picked up as I tried to decipher his words. 

"Forget all of it, even you?" I whispered, the anger inside of me building up. He sighed and looked up at me, eyes filled with annoyance. 

"Even me."