21 │Spring: 'My life is so controlled by the what if's.'

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I was stunned.

Tyler, the quarterback, star of this school, asked me, River, to be his girlfriend in front of the entire school. The adrenaline of winning must have gotten the best of him at last.

But who was I kidding? I knew our dates would lead to this moment, but I never imagined it here. On the football field. In front of cheerleaders and dirty football players. In front of teachers and parents.

But here we were, and he expected an answer soon, to be more precise: now.

You need to speak now River. Use your mouth.

"Yes," I breathed, and he slung his strong arms around me happy.

"This must be one of the best days in my life," he cried out, and then, to my horror, he swung me in circles around and around. "Oh god," I screamed, grabbing onto him tightly. But his enthusiasm was contagious and a few seconds later I laughed as well.

"Brad, Ray," he yelled while he dragged me to the celebrating crowd. "May I introduce you? This is my girlfriend, my girlfriend this is Brad and Ray. My closest friends."

"Hi girlfriend," they grinned.

"Hi closest friends," I responded. Brad hit me lightly on my upper arm.

"Nice," he cheered.

"Does your girlfriend also have a name?" Ray said teasingly.

"Of course, sorry, this is River," Tyler said, hugging me from the side.

"Hi River," both said.

"Hi Brad and Ray." I knew both from lunch, but I didn't know they were close friends.

"Tyler, did you see Collin?" Brad asked.

"No, why? Did he come today?" Tyler asked curiously.

"Yea, I saw him on the stands earlier on," Brad continued. "Weird right?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Harris never comes to football games. He just shows up at parties."

"Yea, I noticed that," I remembered vaguely a party in someone's basement with a lot of people and Collin. That must be the party I read about in my text messages.

"So, what now?" I asked the group. I looked around, there were still many people celebrating and cheering the win tonight.

"Today is a day to celebrate. You two, our game. Let's go to my house." Brad yelled so everyone in immediate surroundings could hear him

"Yes," Tyler agreed, "everybody to Brad's house. Let's celebrate our win tonight."

He briefly kissed me on the lips and whispered: "and us of course, River."

Brad's house was a normal middle-class house, nothing too fancy, nothing too sordid.

In the basement was a bar with a few bottles of alcohol. A few people had arrived before Tyler and I did. He took my hand and led me further inside. From somewhere loud music boomed over our heads. With each minute more and more people pressed inside the small basement. My discomfort grew with each one of them. Too many people in such a small room. I felt like I couldn't breathe. But I also didn't want to ruin Tyler's night by asking him to bring me home. As the hours crept by, I found a corner with a chair and sat down.

I checked my phone. Five missed calls.

Shit, I forgot to inform Mom where I was. She wanted to pick me up after the game. Shit.

I left the house to call her back.

"Hi Mom," I said ruefully.

"River, dammit. Where the hell are you? I'm driving around town searching for you."

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