Depressing Rounds

Poem 41: More Thoughts

Well whenever I stare in in the mirror
I wish life wound be clearer, or at least as visable as the creature before me
God damn my thoughts are no longer in my head, feels like the end is coming nearer
I smile and wish it would, maybe I should hang myself on a tree
I load each of these depressig rounds into a gun that I plan to use once I am done with poetry
Damn I am emotionally vacant yet all at once I am also full of it
Both bullshit and emotions, and I have never felt so frozen
I'm slowly giving up losting ground one inch at a time, but I'll hold out must be devotion
Why I never give up in one notion, why do I?
I feel so god damn twisted and can't wait for tomorrow
I really want to borrow my friend's heart for mine's full of sorrow

My mind's not so full of questions
Maybe it's because of life
What is life? I'm tired of Life that's what I do know
But don't know what to do
So to show I'll let go I'll have to undergo
Much fucking disturbing shit like Kim
Fuck that was such grim use of words
But my more current emotional question is, why did I even take a peek into my mind?
Now that feels like a waste of tine, I must have been over-encumbured with madness
I really want to paint the walls, mirrors, everything with plenty of red paint
Any day I might die, which has me wondering why I feel like I've been here before
Now I realize why, and say bye... bye dad,
I feel like such a waste, must be the lost love that has been getting to me

Lately it seems as if it's me against the world
Because noone of my friends will stand by me and everybody is against me
The person who wasn't opposed to me was so beautiful
She directed me here and told me you are beutiful
Well to be truthful, my youthful unstable life has got me grabbing for the knife
Shit! Knock over the table and spill all the damn pills

It's all because some things just don't change
It's been driving me insane man do I feel deranged, it's kind of strange
I will soon arrange the time I finally say bye-bye
As I adide by this law and standby for the time that I finally do it, but until then I'll supply
So many lines and never reply to any comment to leave y'all wondering what I'll do next
Wherther I'll torch some other religious text, or I'll kill some guy and leave his specs
His specs of his skin everwhere maybe it'll be Malcom X
I'll smear pie everywhere to confuse you, all over stuff like a white tie
And I, really want to die and try to stop all the lies
But whatever I am after all becoming some bad guy
Each time I consider discloser
It seems like I have let my thoughts take over

I swear I sometimes stay up at night to pray and because I can't sleep
Just something about where I live, it keeps me up at night
People say I write deep what's it keep when I write about the shit I see
This shit is what we call life, I always wonder how I can be happy for life when life has no light
Didn't even know about Rodney King until Macklemore, now all I can do is agree
And say that racial tensions are as bad as ever except that there arre new targets
People are realizing that it's a lot more difficult to kill them different
So now we come up with excuses to kill those a world for accusations of flying into towers
Now me being me am trying to make a statement prove we do have a problem, I'm sorry but I'm just an artist
God damn am I dumb you might be thinking but I will write about this shit and make referent
Referent to problems we thought were long gone, but if it's gone then why are Oak and Motor City still still that way
I'm starting to feel like voicing my opinion won't mean shit, beacause life no longer matters
I feel like I'm barely a wake now, my eyes barely opened now, as I ask how?
How can we help others when we can barely help our selves
Looking at all the homeless that aren't helped, the racist jokes that are dropped, the deaths and fights, but over what?
It's crazy how we would kill for a pair of shoes made by Phil Knight,
Wait your most likely unware of that name, my bad will Michael Jordan cut it
That's right those wing$ are what we fucking need, those shoes isn't that right Ben
Now I am starting to relike him like three years back especially
When I listen to our music and say that these people are just talking about whatever
These assholes claiming that what they say is the fucking truth,
But this is my music genre especially Rap and Hip Hop have done hopped themselves into garbage
There are only so many people that do talk about America ain't that right hop?
Them lot are brainwashing these kids into thinking that smoking Cannabis is cool
As is dropping out of school, they tell them to fuck these hoes and leave them
It's fucking crazy how they can have more influence than the government
How they can say being gay is bad and people will belive them
And I have to say that that's not okay, okay? Okay

I understand what I always say, but another thing I have to say is I'm opposed to bullying
For this leads to depression and I don't want to lie anymore, I have-do feel this shit
Then depression eventually leads to death, suicide, that...
That shit called life makes some of us do it, suicide
Depression makes some of us do it, some of us like Amanda Todd just do it
Just state a goodbye to everyone, then fufill what they've been asking for
It's crazy how strong words are, otherwise people wouldn't do it
Their voices are horrible, one of the powerful voices belong to Hitler
He used words to take over a country, if one man can do that then imagine what a school-full of voices could do,
Howcome is it that kids are similar to him? Just thousands of voices are worse than one
For their echos carry on, carry on into the future of our lives
Their voices still speak to us, even when we're in the mirror where some of us are still affected
Me being one of us
Or those voices can even affect us in our thoughts, alter us
Change my train of thought, I feel like those names were horrible
But the mind can kill, damn we're all just waiting to die
So why? Why must you do that and make us end the shit faster
It's been getting to me these tears are being wasted
But you can't help it when people make fun of your mom
And you don't even have a mom
When your mom took the way out that you have always wanted to
Damn does it all just drive me insane especially when your told to get over it
It's crazy how to this day I try to keep my thoughts from killing me