deceived.// A$AP Rocky

eighteen.

Four months.

Four long months had passed since I had seen Rakim for the last time, and life hasn't been good, to say the least. It may not sound long, but oh boy, four months can do a lot to you. I hadn't moved back in with my brother as I didn't want to be confronted with anything I associated with my old life. I was going to school and working at a cafe in the evening, so I was exhausted every day. 

The first few weeks, Rakim showed up at school, trying to talk to me, but when I made it very clear and direct that I would call the police if he showed up one more time. Since then I hadn't seen him again, and as much as it broke my heart, I knew it was better for both of us.

From time to time, I would take care of my little niece too, she turned 4 just 3 months ago. I met my brother a lot, and he helped me sort things out a little, he helped me keep my head up and not let the memories of Rakim and the Mob destroy me.

Zack had also been shocked when he had heard about what Rakim had been planning, repeating how he shouldn't have trusted Rocky.

Some nights, I looked at the photo album I wanted to give him for his birthday and cried for hours. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't let go, and I cried, cried, and cried. I loved him. I loved the Mob. I still did, with every piece of my heart. How was I going to move on, let go?

The days were long and exhausting, the nights sleepless and filled with sadness.

But I blocked every suicidal thought coming inside of my head. Giving up was still not an option.

December at the café I was working at was just as beautiful as I had imagined. Lights and candles everywhere, the comforting smell of waffles and cocoa, people smiling and warming themselves with a cup of tea in the cozy place.

The evening was going quite well, stressful, but it could have been worse. The ring of the little bell that just wouldn't stop told me it had to be more than one person, and looking up, I froze.

There were Ferg, Dom, Joey, Nast, and Rakim entering the café, all wearing ridiculous caps and having light smiles on their faces. I immediately turned around and went back to the kitchen although I was told to get the orders, but I wasn't planning on talking to Rakim.

I had missed him a lot, although I wasn't going to admit that, I knew it deep down.

The sight of the Mob members left a feeling of shock, so I just leaned against the counter for a minute. "Zara, I told you to get the orders, what do you think you're doing?", a voice snapped. It was my coworker Ed, he was nice, but when he was stressed-well, he could get a little extra at times. "I'm sorry, I'll get them", I said quietly, feeling my heart pounding. I had a sickening feeling in my stomach as I approached the table. 

"What can I get for you?", I asked, and their heads immediately snapped up to me. The grin broke out of Rakim's face, but the others looked happy to see me. Still, they didn't know how to act, exchanging glances. "I'll take the café latte and some waffles with chocolate", Dom said, and I took down his order. Ferg ordered a tea with honey and some waffles, Joey a piece of apple pie, and Nast chose a cupcake with apple tea. I looked at Rakim with a questioning look, making sure he knew I didn't have a lot of time. "I'll take the pancakes with berries and a hot chocolate with whipped cream", he said.

Pancakes with berries.

Hot chocolate with whipped cream.

He knew exactly what impact his order was going to have.

Before I realized it, a tear dropped on the sheet I was writing on. "Uh, yeah, I'm sorry", I said, confusedly retreating as I hastily wiped my tears away. I turned around, the boys' glances feeling like knives being stabbed into my back.

I had never wanted to punch Rakim that hard in his face. Why did he have to do this? I got the orders and reminded myself to keep it professional, but every time I saw him, I started shaking and tears welled up in my eyes. But after a while, I noticed Rakim didn't seem okay at all. Since I had seen him, he looked sad or had that expressionless look on his face, although his friends tried to cheer him up. They paid, and Rakim and I locked eyes for a second. I saw helplessness and apologies in his eyes as if he was pleading for me to talk to him, but I just looked away, and ignored the big, black hole inside of my stomach, until the coffee shop was empty.

I cried the whole night, just recalling his face and the broken look on it. He wasn't doing good, either, and judging by the hurt look, he was doing worse than me. 

//

I feel lowkey sorry for them both😭

I just realized that there are only 6 chapters left to upload like whaaaaat it still feels like I just started this book. 

Also, I wanted to thank everybody that has commented or voted, it means soo much to me :) <3

See y'all tomorrow :)