nothing near clarity

(haruto's pov) 1k special

hope y'all like it

chapter 11
haruto's pov

It's too cold now because it's already december, the city is already covered with snow, and that made me miss my family more. When I was in Japan, my mom would make us hot choco whenever it starts snowing because she knows how sensitive I am to the cold weather.

And by the mention of my mom, I looked at her message one more time.

Mom: take care, my son. mom loves you so much!

I let out a deep breath before closing my phone and shaking my head to stop myself from crying. It was so hard to keep it all inside, I was tasked to have the role of someone who's always serious and princelike, so I need to focus more on fixing the way I act and the way I handle my emotions. And it honestly sucks that I can't express myself even more now that I was given this role.

Makes me want to go back in time and be inside our house while eating together with my family. God! I miss them so much.

"Is this okay now?" Junkyu hyung asked me as he lets me listen to the ballad version of our song, I love you.

He and Doyoung hyung were the ones incharge of rearranging it, and it actually came out well so I gave him a nod and a thumbs up for a job well done.

Doyoung and Junkyu hyung's piano skills are no joke, so I really admire them for that. But I'll never let them hear it, or else they'll annoy me about it nonstop.

"Anyway, did you know that Stella made me have a sneak peek of their latest episode? They promoted us! Again!" Junkyu hyung asked with a smile on his face as he's searching something in his phone.

I just shook my head with a smile on my face at his enthusiasm. I'm also thankful to Stella and to her members, because even though their videos aren't released yet, they still try and do their best during their shooting to promote us.

They didn't have to do that, but they still did so it really means a lot to us.

"Ruto, do you want to eat?" Yoshi hyung suddenly asked when he entered Junkyu hyung's room, but I shook my head.

"Why?" he asked me worriedly, and I instantly felt guilty. It was Yoshi hyung who always noticed the change in my behaviour.

From now on, I'll really try my best to mask my emotions so that my members wouldn't had to worry about me. I don't want to be a burden to them.

"I'll just wait for Jeongwoo and the others," I told him so he just went to Junkyu hyung instead.

"But they won't be back yet, they've been pretty busy in their school this past few days," Hyunsuk hyung announced but I just shook my head before going out.

I hate it everytime I'm left alone with the older members. It's like, I can't seem to find myself fitting in with them because I'm young.

But don't get me wrong, my older members are the best, I love them so much, but I also want to be with kids my age.

I also want to go to school like the others. I also want to be normal, even for once. I want to graduate with Jeongwoo too. I want to experience school activities again.