nothing near clarity

chapter 28

some junkyu and stella bestie moments <33

무슨 상관이야

As soon as I reached our building, I realized that what I was from wasn't my home... This is my home. That thought made me run my way around faster, not caring if they don't allow running inside the building if not needed, and was glad that I didn't see any familiar faces. Because if I did find a friend of mine here, especially my members, then I don't know what I would say to them, and besides, it's our free day today, so it's okay if me and my other members have other things to do. And right now, all I have to do is meet with my best friend and tell him what happened earlier.

Everything just seems so heavy and tiring today, and I just want someone to listen to whatever I have inside my head right now. It was never okay for me to be left alone with my mind in a whirlwind. So I was glad Junkyu's always there for me. Even though he's now a famous idol, he still has time for me. I let out a sigh of relief when finally I'm inside the dance practice room where I'll be meeting with Junkyu.

"You're finally here!" Junkyu exclaimed as he's lying on the wooden floor of the dance practice room. He's wearing his usual get up- a jogging pants and that pink treasure hoodie.

"Yes, finally home." I told him and decided to sit beside him as he handed me the food he bought from the store inside our building.

We ate silently, no one was saying anything and only the song "Ilysb" stripped version by Lany was playing on repeat as our background music as we munch on our food. The silence was so comforting, but then again, everything is comforting as long as I'm with Kim Junkyu. He was someone that I would always want to be with because he's like that one thing in my life right now that reminds me that I'm still here, and I'll be able to make it just like him.

He was something I'm very familiar with, and I needed that right now. Because everything just seems to be so new, and I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to find my way back to my old self because of all these new experiences and new faces that kept on coming.

When he was finished eating, Junkyu got up and started dancing weirdly while singing to the lyrics of Ilysb. I'll never deny that his voice sounds so angelic, if only I could record this right now and let the world listen to just how good his voice is.

"You should do a cover of this song," I told him as I cleaned up our mess from eating too much food.

"Yeah, I'll do that only if you tell me that you'll be fine. . . because even if I want to, you know that I can't check up on you everyday." he said in a soft voice, his smile no longer on his face as he stares at me intently.

"I am fine, Kim Wangkyu. And please, you don't have to check on me everyday, I'm not a kid!" I joked, but he didn't even smile nor scoffed at my joke. He was still looking at me intently, making me look away and just throw our garbage to the nearby trash can.

"If it's okay, can you tell me what happened?" he asked, this time using a more gentle tone as he made his way towards me. I let out a deep sigh before looking him in the eyes. "Okay, I'll tell you what happened." I told him and was finally able to tell him what happened earlier in my mother's house.

Of course I skipped some parts— about my brother being bisexual or the outbursts of Hyunjae. I just told him about my encounter and what my brothers told me. Especially the part where Hyunjae said that I wouldn't be able to debut this year since he practically paid the new CEO with his own money just to freaking delay my group's debut because of my mental health issues. I know it's important to see how our mental health is, but I'm not the only one who's not alright, and that's why I want him to stop whatever this plan is. It's unfair. My members are working hard, and I don't want them to sacrifice all their hard work just because of my brother's weird ass plan.