Phosphenes | shivarns

75 14 2
                                    


BLURB:

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

BLURB:

"Whenever I close my eyes hard I see a sheen of light. That's phosphenes. I wonder why mine happens to be you..."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

After a series of tragic events left the Connors family in a whirlpool and a truckload of Miley Cyrus' wrecking balls, providence required a great sacrifice of them and difficult decisions were made.

Three years later, all Amare wants to do is to go home and spend time with her family and fiancée but when another thunderbolt strikes obliterating her once more, she's not sure she could survive that fatal blow.

When her roommate offers her a chance to spend Christmas with her family to piece herself back together, she has no idea that the music sensation artist, Jaden Hyder, is her cousin.

The evident attraction is difficult for either to ignore. The damaged do attract the damaged, right?

Jaden Hyder needs a muse for his new album and who better than the only soul albeit scarred, in a sea of masked individuals. He knows that there is more to those fiery eyes, mysteries to unravel behind her words, knowledge in that complicated mind of hers and he wants it all, purely for his music.

Both have been burned, maybe one worse than the other, but will they risk their shattered selves for a possibility of being put back together as a whole?

With math, fame, music, drama and secrets, what could possibly go wrong.

Funny thing, phosphenes that are meant to be never let you blink or sleep.

***

YOUR COVER: (9/10) It's immaculate and professional looking. However, it doesn't have the spark I'm looking for in book covers. It's very basic and doesn't make me want to click on your story. It's already a beautiful cover as it is, and I can see how it relates to the story. There's no need to change it, but perhaps open your mind for consideration.

YOUR TITLE: (5/10) I can see where the title idea came from, but I'm also confused. The first chapter I've read has absolutely nothing to do with it. I'm sure it holds a relevance in another part of your story I haven't read, but Phosphenes is common for everyone to experience, and it doesn't seem to relate with your plot at all. Unless it has something to do with an important incident or analogy in the story, I suggest you look for more appealing and better representing title ideas.

YOUR BLURB: (2/5) I had a hard time understanding your blurb. Keep in mind that blurbs notify your potential readers of your writing capabilities and story plot. I had to reread this several times to get the primary points down. Your blurb is too long, and I suggest that you shorten it. The fundamental idea here is that three years after Amare's life takes a tragic turn, she decides to spend the holidays with her roommate. There, she encounters musical sensation, Jaden Hyder, who's looking for a new muse. Try to keep your blurb short and concise, and tie it up from three-four sentences at most.

Essie's CritiquesWhere stories live. Discover now