Are you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten.
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Zon is madly in love with his friend, who is getting married, so he decides to try a hookup for his broken heart. To his utter surprise, what started as a purely sexual relationship with Saifah, has a healing effect on him and helps him deal with his feelings more than he had ever expected.
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YOUR COVER: (10/10) Your cover is clean, neat, and eye-catching. There isn't a lot going on, but the color scheme hints at the mood of the story, and it appealed to me as a reader. There's room for more creativity in terms of the title placement and overall format of the cover, but its simplicity also has a charm as well.
YOUR TITLE: (8/10) This seems to be more of a metaphorical title. Throughout the five chapters I've read, I couldn't find a connection between the title and your story. If you make the connection for your readers later on throughout the story, feel free to let me know, as I'm interested!
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) Your blurb is short, concise, and the little excerpt included at the top is perfect for summarizing the content of your story. I also got a taste for your writing capabilities and you got me hooked. As for the actual synopsis itself, it's very clear. There were some unnecessary commas, and you can check the comma rules I included when talking about your grammar. If you still need additional help after that, feel free to PM me or ask in the comment section!
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) Right off the bat, I got a sense of your writing capabilities. I was immediately immersed in the story and was able to feel what the protagonist was feeling. Further into the hook, the direction of the story felt a little slow, however. As a reader, I felt that the beginning of the first chapter was dragging, and you could shorten it. As we already know Zon is going to go in, you don't need to extend his inner conflict to that extent, or most readers will probably skip to when he actually enters.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (7/10) You had some consistent comma errors. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."
