Nothing Dark Can Stay, Either

Chapter 22

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you, Trixter?"

She rubbed her temples in response. "Everything is wrong. I want to be here, but it's not living up to my expectations."

"Elijah again?"

"Elijah and Hayley. She doesn't like me, I know it. She's amazing but inherently, we both see each other as competition."

"Isn't she married?"

"Yeah, but she did that to protect her daughter. She still cares for Elijah. Both of us are tense in general, I think, because Elijah's been with this new vampire chick Gia. I met her only once but it's whatever, he can do what he fucking pleases. I just hate how he tries to control me just because of how unhinged I've gotten in the past."

There was a pause, and Kai seemed to figure it out. "He brought up your episode, didn't he? Rubbed it in your face somehow?"

"Hayley and I got in an argument. Elijah butted in and it pissed me off. He made a comment about getting another piano key for me to put my magic away in. Then when I insisted I wasn't having another episode, he doubted me. Then I— I got that feeling in my stomach when I'm getting really worked up. The same thing I felt gradually getting worse in the past, when it happened before."

"Are you... worried about it happening? Or is it not really a problem?"

"Of course I'm worried. Last time, I tore my room apart, I was losing myself and hurting myself and trying to kill anyone who came close to me. It was mania to an extreme, terrible level, where I couldn't control my emotions or actions. I usually pride myself on having a lot of control. My blood lust has never been a major problem for me, and I prefer that. I was hungry all the time without my magic— I got to a point where I'd feed on myself just to have blood on my lips. They kept putting me to sleep so I wouldn't dessicate. It only made me hungrier, and it was keeping me from drying up. Eventually, they started giving me bits of blood when I behaved, and somehow... I got better. It's an evil type of blur in my mind. I was a monster. I've killed people, sure, every vampire has, and I've been merciless about it. But mostly in self-defense. I never wanted to kill unless I was really hungry or frustrated, and even then I could hold back. If I let my mind wander, I can hurt my niece."

"Normally, I'd say you should just succumb to your impulses. I like the idea of blood and murder, it gives me a thrill like nothing else. It calms me to have control over someone else's life. But that's my sociopathic brain speaking, obviously. You're all mushy and nice most times, and you actually care whether you hurt someone. I guess.... That's your starting point. You have motivation to stay sane. You don't want to cause harm to the people close to you. Your triggers seem to revolve around anger and frustration. In another instance, I'd tell you to fucking go for it, use it as drive to feed and be free. Now... um, well, I guess I have to tell you to try and keep all your emotions in check more often. Instead of letting Hayley get to you, just fantasize about killing her. Don't act on it if you don't want to, but you could do it just so that it gives you more of a pleasing sensation than an angry sensation. That could probably backfire, and you might actually tear her apart, but let's hope it doesn't get to that point. I don't know... I'm bad at giving advice when it comes to someone wanting to be good. Luke's influence isn't strong enough to make me useful here."

Beatrix chuckled lightly. "It helps more than you realize. Thank you."

He let out a sigh. "You're welcome, I guess. If you get into a really major mood to unleash, come with me and we'll go on a spree. It'll be fun. We can take people's hearts as souvenirs."

"We'll see. How are you, though? What's been going on?"

"Oh, you'll like this. I got Jo to give me her magic, mostly pretending to be sick and dying. Then, I was able to sense that she's pregnant. Can you believe it? I'm like, a baby whisperer. Pity the baby is going to die, though."