I am the Problem to Everyone's Problem's

13

TW// Eating, Talk of ED, ED, Exercise, Avoidance of Food

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Dinner came out hot and steaming the fish fresh off the grill the rice was cooked well a tasty meal my first full one since having dinner at Akaashi's which wasn't long ago but it was an achievement being able to eat this much.

I dug straight into the fish with my chopsticks cutting it up and getting all the meat out in between the bones making the fish perfectly cut I ate the fish with the rice a very bland dish to think about but with spices and stuff it tasted like a flavour explosion in your mouth I ate most of the fish and laid off some of the rice having a high source of carbs in it not want that in my body.

I was hungry like really hungry after that so I picked up and piece of fruit after putting my dish at the sink and sitting back at the table with the other two males still eating. I munched on the apple a fresh one I knew from the first bite crunchy but sweet a good apple.

"Koutaro you must have been hungry already eating after dinner," Daichi said swallowing some rice I nodded and slowly bit the apple.

"Would you like a desert?" Suga asked looking at me mostly I shook my head.

"This will be good gotta stay in good shape for volleyball," Suga nodded suspiciously and went off to get some dessert for Daichi and I just quickly chucked the apple core out and went to bed.

When I got into my room I threw the blankets over me and hoped they just protected me or made me not see the outside world again because I've had enough of it already I just didn't want to cope with people knowing about what I did and the sessions with my counsellor which does nothing to help me.

I wish I could just live a normal life where I am not sad I have my parents I eat properly and live like a normal child, but now nothing is normal at all no one cares about what normal is any more they just focus on society and society says a lot of shit. It's just that I really want to look like that man in the magazine but I'm not going to if I'm going to eat one meal a day.

That gives my body enough food to turn it into fat but if I put my self on a calorie-restricted diet people would start to notice me searching things more often because I don't use google much and if I didn't eat again Daichi and Suga will get worried of me. 

So really I have no idea what to do to look perfect and finally have someone tell me that I am perfect and worth it, and that I could finally start dating someone who finds me attractive because people like that it's not all just about personality these days that's probably why I haven't found anyone yet because I'm just a fat piece of shit laying around doing nothing.

Then a thought popped into my mind I could start exercising and saying that I need to do it after being in the hospital for so long that I have lost a lot of stamina and I have to work out to get my stamina back being on the front line a lot of the time in-game.

I quickly got out of bed throwing the blankets off e changing into some loose shorts and a tank top I went downstairs.

"I'm going on a run the coach said I needed to run every night to get my stamina back from sitting down to long," I shouted to the kitchen where they were cleaning the dishes they both yelled out a yep so I went to the door chucked on my joggers and went for the run.

I ran to the school to start off with because no one was there then I ran to the seven eleven which is past our house getting closer into town and back again. I was slowing down on the way back from the seven eleven but I kept pushing rubbing sweat from my eyebrows every so often it looks like my stamina had gotten down a little.

When I got back to the house I pulled of my joggers and went to the shower to quickly wash the sweat off me which didn't take long and was a nice cold shower. After the shower, I knocked on Daichi and Suga's door to say goodnight to them.

As I left there room I went to go to bed but I couldn't fall asleep so I stared at the ceiling having it calm me down form the run. The adrenaline pumping through my veins still keeping me awake had worn off and my legs started to ache. I turned to my side and tried to fall asleep which was a bit easier now having the fact that I was sore from the run.

When I fell asleep it was around midnight having a fantastic sleep trying to remember when I had a good sleep like this. When I woke up I felt so energized and relaxed that I smiled a little and got out of bed without procrastinating.

I chucked on my uniform which was left on the floor from last night had changed at my wardrobe. I packed my bag with my books and by then it was only six-thirty. So I just went down and went to go watch some TV having plenty of time before leaving and Suga still being asleep I can get away with saying that I had already eaten.

I checked my phone after sitting watching TV for twenty minutes and saw that it was almost time to go so I got up and headed to the door searching for the shoes to find my school shoes. Once I found them I slipped them on and went onwards on my journey to school but when I arrived at the school ten minutes later I realised that it was the day the most painful one at that the mental health day.

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Word Count - 1039