I am the Problem to Everyone's Problem's

7

TW// Hospital, Pills, Nightmares, Avoiding Food, Talk of Self Harm

I awoke in a cold sweat, the reminiscence of the nightmare lacing in my mind I looked around the hospital room and then to the door the faint light of the hallway coming in through the gaps of the not so fully closed door.

I try to lay down but the beeping of the heart monitor is keeping me awake. The, beeping the constant noise of it, it makes me have an itching feeling of it connected to my finger wanting to just rip it off my finger and sit there with the flat line.

In the end, I didn't the nurses came in soon after to check on me and my state of mind and gave me my pills for the morning and my food. 

I swallowed the pills quickly and pushed the food around my plate not really having the appetite to eat. Soon enough Suga walked through the door for his daily visit he obviously didn't have work today at the childcare centre.

"How are you feeling Kou," He asked in a quiet voice giving me my own time to reply back.

"Yeah I'm feeling better, It could be better if I got out of here," I stated almost in a joking like voice. Suga chuckled a little.

"Remember it's only a week and then you're out they are keeping you on the watch for a bit so you don't try to attempt again," Suga said saying the last bit very faintly. I nodded and looked down into my lap feeling guilty now of scratching my thighs up the other night.

"Suga I have something to tell you and please don't get mad," I said in a whisper he looked over and nodded saying that I could go ahead, "The other night... I scratched up my thighs I'm sorry Suga I just couldn't hold it back the urge to do it." 

Suga stood up and came over to me wrapping his hands around my neck and embracing me into a warm mother-like cuddle it was warm and had a loving aura to it, I wrapped my arms around his back and snuggled into his shoulder a bit more.

"I love you. Rember that Kou," he said into my ear in response to it I nodded into his shoulder. When we parted it was pretty cold. I grabbed the clock because I couldn't be bothered to move my body to look at it and checked the time it was only eleven twenty-seven.

"Oh look at the time I'm sorry Koutaro I have to go now," Suga got up and collected his stuff before hugging me, "Bye Koutaro I'll be back soon I just have to go get some groceries Daichi is eating like a pig nowadays" Suga and I chuckled a little before I waved to him and then he left.

I was left there to my own devices again. The nurses passed my door every so often but never seemed to come in to check on me. Some seemed to stop at the front of my door to listen in on me and then walked away.

After a few long weeks, I finally get discharged my legs are a little weak trying to carry my weight again. Daichi is next to me helping me walk and Suga is in front of us carrying my bags to the car to unlock it before we get there.

"How are you feeling Koutarou?" Daichi asked while putting some pressure on my back as I stumbled a little to help me balance out. I looked down and sighed a little.

"I'm fine I guess," I say in a hushed tone. Daichi nods and looks away trying to ignore the odd tension between the normally buddy-buddy aura around us. I look ahead and see the blue car ahead Suga already opening the boot to the car and putting my stuff in.

When I reach the car Suga opens the door while Daichi watches me hop into the back seat I know that I injured my legs badly when taking the fall but they don't have to watch over me this carefully after getting out like I'm fully healed what is there to worry about then my mental health crumbling like a fresh apple crumble.

The car ride home was silent the radio playing in the background. While Suga is driving I notice that he and Daichi latch hands I looked away and out the car window trying not to be noticed. My stomach still filled with butterflies why do I have to feel this way now I screamed in my head. So I just simply ignored the feeling.

The drive seemed longer than normal but I saw sights that gave me a warm feeling like I was at home it was warm and comforting. When we got to our place and got inside it smelt amazing and it felt so warm different from the hospital.

I walked into the kitchen to see the slow cooker out with a casserole in it. I lifted the lid off the top of the slow cooker to take a whiff of the beautiful smell the slow cooker was outputting, but I was caught by Suga who made me put the lid back on to cook the rest of the casserole.

I walked up the stairs and down the hallway to stand in front of my door. I don't know why I froze but I did I wasn't nervous or anything it was my room nothing to be worried about. Obviously, my thoughts blocked out my hearing and I didn't hear Daichi come up until he tapped me on the shoulder.

"You alright Koutaro why are you waiting to go inside?" He asked in a light tone. I shrugged my shoulders now very embarrassed because of the encounter so I opened the door and went inside. I pushed the door lightly shut and heard the quiet click of the door closing over.

My room didn't look different at all in general but it didn't really feel right at all. I looked at my room all the stuff seemed to be in the right places but someone was definitely in here but I just ignored that and went to go sit on my bed. I laid on my stomach and put my face in the pillow as soon as I did this I felt very calm and off in another place.

Time passed quickly while I was resting before I knew it Suga had come up to tell me that the casserole was done. I got up quickly one of Suga's casseroles are to die for the meat is so tender when he cooks it and the vegetables scrumptious.

I rushed down the stairs and sat at the dinner table as my plate of food was put in front of me by Daichi. I chowed down on the food it may be hot but it still tasted the same, it had the same feeling like sitting down and eating a meal made with lots of love by your mother. The feeling of the warmth and willingness in your stomach as you took a bite. 

The feeling of home.

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Word Count - 1207