I am the Problem to Everyone's Problem's

6

TW// Hospital, Talk of Suicide, Scratching, Self Harm, Avoidance of food

I wake up groggily hearing a beeping sound and a pounding headache. I lift my body up looking at my surroundings I saw Suga and Daichi sitting in a chair together Suga ontop of Daichi cuddling most likely asleep, I look around a bit more seeing all the monitors and wires around me and connected to my body. I feel an extra pressure on my right hand I look over towards the culprit of the weight and I see Akaashi laying down holding onto my hand I smile slightly as I lay back and move my hand and run my fingers through his hair.

Akaashi starts to stir as I'm running my fingers through his hair. He rubs his eyes and looks around before realising that I was awake his eyes widen before becoming watery.

"Bokuto-San your awake!" He exclaimed almost yelling startling Suga and Daichi from their rest.

"We'll go get a doctor and tell them your awake," Suga says as he and Daichi shuffle out of the room still a bit groggy from their nap.

"How am I alive? I thought I finally did it," I say confused about my presence still alive, existing.

"Bokuto-San after you hung up Suga called an ambulance to come to find you to see if they could do anything they found you after you hit the water," Akaashi says as tears start rolling out of his eyes. I lift my sore arm over to Akaashi's cheek wiping the tears off of his cheek I made one of my little amount of friends are hurt I shouldn't ave jumped but why now do I find out people care about me.

"I'm sorry Akaashi," I apologise in a low voice. His head moves up from looking down at the mattress of the hospital bed.

"Bokuto-San this isn't your fault you where in pain it's alright you just need to talk to people about how you feel so it doesn't end up like this next time, Bokuto-San," Akaashi said back to my apology I didn't say anything back. Akaashi grabbed my hand and put his head down on the cluster of hands resting I left him to rest because it looked like he hadn't slept properly. A little then five minutes later a nurse came in with a doctor Akaashi stirred a little from the noise of the talking but went back down.

"So Bokuto how are you feeling?" Asked the doctor I squinted a little to focus on his name badge it read Oikawa Toru.

"I feel fine doc," I said quietly but Oikawa heard.

"Ok then Bokuto I want you to fill out this form for me and just buzz us when your finished and the nurse will take it to me alright. This is all just to help finalize our diagnoses." Oikawa said and waited for my nod of understanding before he left.

I looked down at the sheet the questions on the page all related to what I was feeling in the last two weeks the questions sounded so stupid but Daichi and Suga were back in the room so I couldn't leave it blank until the doctor comes in. They both looked at me Suga's eyes brimmed with a red lining looking as if he just stopped crying and Daichi's eyes were holding multiple tears back to look strong for Suga I gave him a nod and looked back at the paper.

When I finished my hand felt a bit cramped I opened and shut my hand to regain a normal feeling in it the sheet was filled in scribbles and black dots from the pen filling out the dots. I reached over to grab the remote to buzz the nurse in.

I can hear the coughs, squeaks and cries of other patients with the door open and hooked up to machines I can't close the door. Everyone had left because I finally woke up and visiting hours were over there was nothing sharp in my room to stop me from harming myself but I had the urge to cut and a big one at that.

I stretched my head forward to try and see out the door to see if there were any doctors I couldn't see any that would pop their heads in to check on me around I've seen them enough to know who they are. My nails are long sort off so I started scratching and scratching and scratching my thighs the skin on them are starting to come off a little blood have come out of the scratches which just become harder and harder until I can hear someone coming I quickly stop myself from scratching my legs and throw over the blanket, my legs stinging a little.

"Ah Bokuto your dinner is here," says the nurse. All the nurses seemed to always be in a light happy mood it makes it look almost fake.

"Thanks," I say quietly as she leaves the room.

I turn to look at the food it's roast beef with gravy and vegetables and jelly on the side of the tray. The stinging in my thighs have died down now. I look back over at the food and my stomach grumbles but I don't have enough strength or will power to lift my hand to eat the meal so I leave it there and let my stomach grumble.

I hear the wheels of the food trolley coming back to collect the food the nurse looks at me than the food and takes it to their trolley putting it back into a slot ant moving on. I lay there letting my eyes close to see the blackness of the back of my eyelids the same type of black when I jumped the peacefulness of the blackness I succumb to the darkness and fall asleep on the uncomfortable mattress.

A beeping sound from the alarms startled me awake I look out the door to see people running around obviously a code blue someone has died I slowly lay back and get a feeling in my chest that slowly turns into jealousy feeling not wanting to stay in for another week I try to turn the feelings down and went back to sleep.

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Word Count - 1052