I am the Problem to Everyone's Problem's

8

TW// Talk of Suicide, Avoidance of Food, Intrusive Thoughts

-----------------------------------------------------------

The feeling of home. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time, a feeling that makes me feel like I belong in this world but I find that hard to believe.

"Koutarou how are you feeling?" Suga asked. Looking into my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm good. The food is great though," I compliment. Suga's eyes brighten a little.

"Well thank you I made it just for you I know you like my recipe for the casserole and I thought it would be a good meal after getting out of hospital ya know a bit more flavour am I right," He chuckled the last bit.

"Yeah, I guess," I chuckle back to not look in pain.

I push my chair back and stand grabbing my plate.

"This was a good meal thank you Suga I'm going to rest now," They both nod in response and I was excused I put my plate in the sink and went to the steps my ankles hurting just a little from the energy burst just before.

I was climbing the stairs slowly and before I knew it my legs gave up on me and rolled in on me. I stumbled and fell back down the stairs. Suga and Daichi rushed over as they heard the crash I laid at the edge of the bottom step not wanting to move and accepting my fail.

They both helped me up and hoisted me up the stairs.

"Next time tell us when your legs hurt to tell us so we can help and this won't happen," Said Daichi as he let go of one side of me to let me balance out myself. I limped back to my room to lay down not replying to them because of the pain in my head from the fall.

I put my hand at the back of my head applying pressure to the sore spot. I let out a sigh of relief as the pressure was applied it was like a miracle had happened. I closed my eyes trying to get rid of my headache being too lazy and in pain to get up and grab some Nurofen so I just laid there.

The ringing in my head had not passed the next morning it was still there and in full force, the pain had subsided a little but I was able to sit up in my bed. I looked around my room and noticed that my uniform had been put on the end of my bed and by the looks of it freshly cleaned.

I quickly threw it on before going out the door picking up the bento box which I presumed was mine and shoved it into my bag before going to the door putting on my shoes and heading out the door.

I don't know how long until school started but I walked at my own pace. I turned the corner to where I see Akaashi walking I start walking a little slower so that he won't notice me but he does so I give him a smile and walked up to him.

"Hey Akaashi, How's it going?" I asked is the first thing you say in conversation.

"Yeah I'm good Bokuto-San but I must ask how are you?" he looked over concern in his voice.

"Oh yeah, I'm feeling better then before," I say in honesty he just nods and the trip to school was very quiet from then on.

When we got onto school grounds the bell for first-class rang. I waved to Akaashi and he waved back as we parted our ways to head to class. As soon as I got into my classroom I heard the whispers start. I silently walk and sit in my seat.

I'm not friends with many people in my class because they don't like my boisterous personality so today I decided to be quiet and keep focused on the work. When the teacher doing roll call she got to my name and looked at me obviously the teachers know about my attempt so I just smiled then looked back at the desk.

The school day went slowly the teaching went slower. I was sitting trying to not fall asleep in my History class the teacher droning on about some war. I unfocused from the monotone voice to look out the window, outside the window was a different world more lively and energetic the sky was a lovely blue colour and the field outside mostly green some brown patches from the wear of the soccer team.

When the bell rang I was lulling off into a dream I got up and stretched a little lunch had finally come and I could leave the stuffy classroom. When I got into the hallway it was full of students trying to get to the cafeteria I push my way through the crowd is even harder going against it. When I finally got through all the students I walked out of the doors and found a secluded spot near a tree.

I heard a crunching sound near me I didn't pay attention to it really until it came really close to me. A shadow loomed over me as I looked up I realised that it was Akaashi.

"Hey, Akaashi," I mumbled. I heard the leaves crinkle next to me I looked over to see Akaashi sitting next to me.

"Hi, Bokuto-San. How are you?" he asked looking my way.

"Yeah, I'm fine, how about you Akaashi," I ask looking over to him a bit more to look like I was paying attention.

"Well, that's good Bokuto-San," he said in a softer tone, "Have you eaten anything yet Bokuto-San?" I shake my head no.

"Well have you got anything to eat today?" He looked at me concerned laced in his eyes.

"Yeah, but I left it up in the classroom I was tired must have slipped my mind," I lie between my teeth very easily. I didn't bring it because I couldn't bring myself to eat it someone going through the trouble of making my lunch. I did feel bad for not eating the bento but I just didn't want to eat.

When lunch was over we went back to class. I fell asleep not wanting to face the lesson no more the teacher didn't seem to care so I continued sleeping. My sleep was not long because when the teachers changed over they woke me up.

"Don't sleep in class you're missing out on important information," I bowed my head and mumbled a quick 'Yes Sir' and he went back on with the lesson. When the end of school bell rang I quickly shoved my book and pencil case into the bag and rushed out the door.

I was walking up the street when I saw Akaashi running towards me.

"Boktuo-San I thought you were the captain of the volleyball team?" he questioned in a tone of uncertainty. I turn to look towards him.

"I am  the captain but why does it matter right now?" I ask with a little hint of annoyance in my tone I don't want to go to practice anymore I really don't feel like it and I thought I was going to get away from this if I left quickly enough but I guess that's not the case.

"Bokuto, your meant to be at practice coach sent me to come and find you," Akaashi puffed I noticed that he dropped the honorific at the end he must be serious about getting me back into the picture of the game, plus they must not be able to practice properly especially Akaashi because he has no one on the main line up to hit for him.

"I'll come for today ok," I told him walking back down the road to the school again I didn't bring any change of clothes but the locker room has a lost and found I'll pick some stuff out of there.

The walk was silent but it was quick. I was walking fast than Akaashi meaning that he had to catch up, in the end, we got there ten minutes later. We walked into the gym and everyone was rushing around us and huddling in together having a group hug me in the centre. 

Akaashi looked very uncomfortable in the middle of the squash but soon he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me. They knew about it my attempt that's why they were hugging me not to be kind but to tell me that they can tolerate me.

I quickly stopped the hug by yelling out.

"Well, what are you doing get to it we have to practice for the prelims guys!" I said upliftingly so that everyone would not notice my hurt. I went into the locker room to find clothes to change into that's when I heard the balls being slammed down onto the ground.

A sound that I love.

----------------------------------------------------------

Word Count - 1478