Afraid to Fall- H.S.

Chapter Sixty Seven-Minefields

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Liliana sits right next to me. I sigh but smile. She gives me a half-hearted smile. "You alright?"

I nod my head with a forced smile. How do I say that I want to go see the man that I also needed to get away from? "Ya, just thinking," I shrug. I'm craving Harry. I push the thought away and force a smile at Liliana. "Where are we going?" I try to ask as nonchalantly as possible.

"Well, I'm gonna take you out to lunch, and we can just walk and talk," She shrugs.

I nod my head, "Sounds good." Our walk to lunch was mainly in silence, the only sound radiating from the two of us is the bustle of the city of Miami. It's not much different than New York. Besides the weather and the beach, it's really just the same. It's always alive and wild no matter the time. Although, I will admit the nightlife here is more fun.

***

"You're thinking about him," Liliana states, snapping me out of my gaze. My brows furrow in confusion and partial shock. It doesn't last long, and I clear my throat. Am I making it that obvious?

"How..how did you.." I trail off in utter confusion. The corners of her mouth twitch up into a simple yet comforting grin.

"You seriously think that after being friends with you since fifth grade, I wouldn't know when something's bothering you," She gives me a weak smile before adding, "especially lately when it's about you know who."

There's really no point in lying to her. She's been my best friend since we were kids. She's always been good and seeing right through people. It's scary, but that's just her. I sigh," I just feel so confused right now." Confused is an understatement. I continue, "I love him. I really do. And I miss him. I've come to realize though that just because people love each other, that doesn't mean they should be together."

For some odd reason, she doesn't seem phased at all by my confession. She probably already knew what I was thinking. "Go," Her voice comes out a little quieter, and I'm shocked at her words. She doesn't say it as a command or rudely, more so like a warm suggestion. "You guys love each other, and seeing you guys be apart is tearing me to pieces. Instead of saying that you aren't mean to be with him, go find out yourself. Fly to Jamaica and talk to him." She says it like it's nothing, and I shake my head at the impulsive thought.

What on earth is she thinking? I could never just fly away to Jamaica to solve my guy problems. Sure, I miss him, but I can't go see him because of it. I'd look absolutely desperate and insane.

"I can't do that," I lowly mumble. "He's on a writing retreat right now. I'll just distract him. I don't even know where he's staying."

She shrugs, "Just call Mitch or something. Honestly, I think he'd like to see you more than you think."

"Look," I sigh. "Although that sounds great, I can't just pack my bags and fly to Jamaica. Timmy and Kiara are at a pet care thing. I'd have to figure that whole thing out, and then I'd have t-"

"Avery," She starts, cutting me off. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of them. You need to figure this out whether you want to or not. I know you said you guys are going on a break, but you still need to talk this out. Running away doesn't do anything."

I unintentionally scoff, "It's not like he's all innocent in this either. If I recall correctly, he's the one who had to start all these fights in the first place and act all prissy." It stings a little saying those words about Harry, but I don't' think I'm particularly wrong. I start getting defensive and find myself crossing my arms unintentionally. "He hurt me too. I didn't just hurt him," I spit the words out, and her eyes soften. "Ya know, when I first started dating him I accepted the fact that this would be a quick thing. He'd realize that he could do way better and move on to somebody new. I didn't believe in love, but he changed that." I pause for a moment, collecting my whirlwind of thoughts scattering my brain. "He showed me what love is like and what it means to be loved. He showed me that it's okay to be vulnerable and to show emotions. He tore down my walls, but I feel myself building them higher each passing minute. I think I was scared of him leaving me, so I left him first if that makes any sense." I sigh, "I know it probably doesn't, but that was my twisted mindset. I thought if I ran away then he couldn't hurt me anymore. He wanted to work things out, and I left. But now I'm torn because he didn't really act like he cared when I left. Maybe his feelings for me aren't as strong as I thought." I grit my teeth, "For all I know, he could be kissing a Jamaican chick right now, and I wouldn't have a clue."

She immediately shakes her head, disapproving of my thought. "He wouldn't do that, and you know that," She states. "Look, I can't make you do something. You don't work like that, but I think that you should go to Jamaica and just talk to him. You hate talking over the phone, so why not just do it in person? It's the same thing except he's thousands of miles away," She adds a small smile at the end, and a corner of my mouth twitches.

I sigh, "I know he wouldn't do that, I'm just frustrated with this whole thing."

"Then talk to him," She adds.

Shes' honestly got a point. If I do go to Jamaica,-hold up. Am I actually considering this right now? I cannot just go to Jamacia.

Well, why not? Liliana's right to some degree. I would get the answers I need, and then we'd both know what to do. I sigh.

I guess I'm flying to Jamaica.

***

I board the plane after calling Mitch. He knows and isn't going to tell Harry. I don't know if that's good or bad. I feel like Harry would probably appreciate a heads-up, but oh well. Am I really doing this right now?

I find my seat and sit down after putting my suitcase away. This is absolutely insane. Flying to Miami was one thing, and now I'm flying to Jamaica. I take out my small notepad from my back pocket. Might as well write about it.

***PLAY SONG***

I honestly don't know what I'm doing. Am I crazy flying all the way to Jamaica? Who am I kidding? This is absolutely insane. How I somehow convinced myself to do this is beyond me. On the bright side of this, after Jamaica, I'll at least know what's going to happen between Harry and I.

I love him. Who wouldn't? He's kind, gentle, passionate, funny, and is just an amazing person. I know he loves me too, but love can go one of two ways. Two people fall in love and become infatuated with each other and can't seem to get enough of each other. They eventually fall in love and spend the rest of their life together. Sure, there may be a few bumps in the road, but they seem to still get their happily ever after.

And then there's the other way. Two people fall deeply in love. It happens fast and unexpected. They never wanted to fall in love. They would still do anything for the person they love though. Things are great between the two people. But, they just simply aren't meant to be. Perhaps it's the timing, people, or just their different situations and how they perceive love. They love each other, and it pains them to walk away from each other. But, they both know it's for their own good. I guess I'm just trying to figure out which way this will go, the first or second.

I sigh. It feels like I'm in a battle between my head and my heart. I know that sounds like the cheesiest rom-com thing there is, but it's true. My head has been screaming at me to leave from the moment I meant him, but now it really wants me to go. Leaving might just be the best option. I'll get over Harry and live my life the way I did before I met him. Now, my mind is just playing tricks on me cause I know that's very much not possible. Harry has changed the way I see the world in the most beautiful way. There will always be a part of him tucked inside me without me even realizing it.

And then there's my heart. I've always had trouble interpreting what my heart wants. However, right now it couldn't be more crystal clear. It wants Harry-I want Harry. I want him to hold me or to sing to me. I want to laugh and kiss him. I want to fall more in love with him like I do each day. God, why is this so confusing. It's like a constant battle.

And for once, I have no clue what's going to happen.

***********

WOOHOO! I updated! First off, I just want to say thank you so much for 2.9 K reads!!! That's crazy. I remember getting so excited when this story got 20 reads, and now it's almost at three thousand.

Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you liked it. Please vote and comment!!!

What do you think is going to happen when she goes to Jamaica?

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