Afraid to Fall- H.S.

Chapter Forty Seven-Scared But Worth It

It's the next day since Harry has talked to me at Lucas's place, and my head is a mess. My thoughts are all over the place. "What do I do?" I sigh as I look at Liliana who is sprawled across the couch, listening to my ranting.

She sighs and looks at me,"Honestly, I think you should give Harry a chance," She starts. "I don't think Lucas would treat you right." I nod my head with a groan.

"This is too complicated," I complain. "Why the hell did I date Harry in the first place? This wouldn't be happening if I just would've listened to myself and not gotten involved in dating and love."

Liliana raises a brow,"You mean to tell me that when you dated Harry, those weren't some of the best times of your life?"

I part my lips to argue, but I close them when I can't think of something to say. "Aves, I love you to death, but you need to stop overthinking about everything sometimes," She sighs before giving me a small smile. "You love the person who makes you love yourself, and Harry did that. You were happy with Harry. You loved him." She's right, but I don't want to get broken again. That was exactly what I was afraid of. I'm still in shock knowing that he really didn't do anything, and it was a big misunderstanding. Ugh. I groan as I close my eyes, thinking. I really don't want to be hurt again. I know it sounds dumb, but it's true. I guess Harry didn't do much wrong, but that still hurt. I have a habit of destroying myself so others cant. It's not good, but it's the only form of control I know.

I open my eyes to Liliana peering at me. Eli left this morning, and I already miss him. "I don't want to get hurt again," I mumble honestly, and she nods.

"I know," She states,"but I don't want you to be constantly wondering what if." I nod my head. She's got a point. I would be constantly doing that.

I feel tears brim my eyes, and my breathing becomes unsteady. I'm so overwhelmed right now. "I don't know what to think," I croak out. "We just broke up after dating each other for about two years, and now he wants to get back together. I still haven't fully processed that we've broken up in the first place." She nods her head.

"Then don't." I furrow my brows at her. "I'm serious."

I sigh,"I don't think it works like that." I take a deep breath. "I don't want to just give myself to him again to have it destroyed."

She looks at me, a curious look in her eyes. "But what if that doesn't happen?"

"I'm not sure," I mumble, looking at my lap. I still have a lot of emotions about him leaving me still bottled up inside of me. "I'm going to go talk to him." I get up without a word and go to the door.

I grabbed my phone from my lap as I got up and put it in my back jean pocket. I grab my coat on my way out. I open the door to the harsh weather and call Harry. He quickly answers.

"Can we talk?" I quickly ask.

"Of course, where are you? I can pick you up and bring you to my place if you want?" He sounds nervous again.

"Alright, thanks. I'm at Liliana's place." I hang up, so I don't have to talk to him much longer.

After about ten minutes of standing outside, I see the familiar black car pull up. I anxiously get in, and I let out a sigh as I feel the warm air. He gives me a small grin before driving away. I look at my hands. "Sorry it's late," I mumble.

"It's fine," He quickly assures me. "We're both night owls anyway." I smile a little at his comment. He knows me better than anybody else, even Liliana. After a few more minutes of awkward silence, we pull up to the familiar building. We both get out and enter the lobby. After an elevator ride, we enter the familiar penthouse.

I let the familiar scent of lemongrass fill my nose as I look around me. Nothing has changed. I was so sure the last time I was here would be my last time, but I guess I was wrong. I turn to Harry. "Alright, we have to talk." I start pacing nervously, and Harry stays in the same place, studying me. "If I'm going to let you back into my life, we have to talk about what happened." I see him nod.

"I screwed up, and I'm so sor-"

"I know you are," I cut him off quickly, "but right now I'm just trying to figure out what exactly happened between us." I stop pacing and look at him, my voice a little shaky. "We were stuck in a cycle. It was simple; we fight and you go vent to Kendall while I isolate myself from everything." I pause. "It wasn't good." He nods his head slowly. "I don't want to feel trapped in that cycle again. I love you." I take a deep breath. "I love you a lot, but this is overwhelming. I broke every single rule I had for you, and now I'm paying for it."

I look into his eyes. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I'm even more terrified right now. "Honestly, I want to be ruined a little more than I want to be loved." A silent tear falls down my face, and he takes a step towards me. I don't take a step back. It's like I'm frozen. The only thing I'm focused on is his beautiful, green eyes. He takes another slow step towards me, and our chests are barely touching each other's. I feel my breath get stolen away from me as I look into his eyes. "I'm scared," I breathe out, my voice barely audible.

One of his hand strokes my cheek, wiping the tear away. I get lost into his emerald eyes. He brings his lips painfully slow to mine, and our lips barely brush against each other's. Goosebumps rise to my skin. I press my lips to his cautiously. His other hand grabs hold of my jaw gently. It's like he's afraid I could break at any second. Our lips move together with so much meaning and depth. He makes all my fears disappear in this one perfect moment. I love him, and nothing can ever change that.

I've never believed in love. I always thought it was just a way for somebody to get hurt. It is in a way, but it can go two different ways. It either ends horribly, or if you're like me, you somehow grow stronger with the person. I still don't quite understand everything right now. It doesn't feel real. Harry was wrong for not telling me about the management situation, but there's always two sides of the story, and that's something I strongly believe in. Does that make it right? No, but I can tell he's truly sorry. I don't know if I forgive him, but forgiveness takes time. All I'm focused on right now, is how perfect this one moment is.

Sure, Harry and I hit a bump in the road, but it's not the end. I would be stupid if I let that get in the way of everything else we've done and been through. Harry has proved most of my assumptions about love to be wrong. He's proved to me that love is so much more than just pain. It's beautiful and magical. It's exciting and passionate. It's hard. Really hard, but worth it at the same time. I love the man in front of me so much, and I'm not afraid of it.

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