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Chapter 36--I'll Be Good

Harper

Amelia and John Harper—my godparents. Maybe they aren't blood related, but they are family. They're my family. After meeting them Christmas, I hadn't had much of a chance to call them. They passed on their information to me and told me that I always had an invitation into their home. After a lot of counseling with my student counselor that I started seeing once every two weeks—I decided it's time I learn more about my parents and maybe that'll help me learn more about myself.

The last few weeks have been absolute hell. I've been completely isolated from everyone I could possibly know. The Misfits still hang out with me—typically individually. The only time I see them all together is when we have dance. Dance seems to be my only solace from everything going on around me. When I'm with the Misfits, I'm able to relax and enjoy myself more. But there's always a dark cloud hanging over the four of us because of me and Logan.

Then there's Vincent who I haven't seen since Valentine's day. Well, that's not entirely true, but seeing him walk towards practice while talking to his soccer friends hardly counts as an interaction. We never had a discussion on breaking up—not that we need one—it's been heavily implied over the last weeks. I wasn't at all surprised when every one of his friends sided with him. Johnny, Penny, and even Beth—all still meet up with him. I don't see Johnny and Penny, but it's always awkward when Beth comes home after having hung out with them. She and I don't really talk anymore anyways. I just sulk on my bed or at my desk to either study or listen to music.

Most of the time, I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling while blasting some songs that Logan and I used to listen to in his car. He gave me his playlist a long time ago and it wasn't until this entire incident that I started listening to it. Maybe it's to feel closer to him or maybe it's to just feel something familiar. Regardless, the music he plays tends to be alternative with a tinge of depression—which certainly doesn't make me feel better, but it is incredibly relatable considering my circumstances.

On the bright side, my grades have gone up and my attendance is completely solid. Whenever Dan, Mikala, or Kris invite me to do something, I'm always free. But the blanket of solidarity doesn't seem to come off. I can't blame anyone but myself and that's something I've come to realize as I stare blankly into space throughout the day whenever I'm not studying.

I've cried plenty of times throughout the last few weeks. I've deleted all forms of social media because it just seemed to add to my sadness. Whenever I would see the stories or Instagram posts of my friends or old friends hanging out with my ex-lover and ex-boyfriend, it just hurt too much. It sucks watching the Misfits go to Pizza Palooza without me or seeing a video of Johnny at Vincent's soccer match cheering him on.

I have, however, figured out who my true friends are. Despite the drama between Logan and I, Mikala, Dan, and Kris have stuck by me. As Mikala put it, "Don't worry Harper. I come from a family of divorce. I know how to split time between the parents." And she truly has. The three of them have split their time, which is relieving but also discouraging when I still realize I can't be with them at the same time they're with Logan.

Whereas Vincent's friends haven't contacted me once. Johnny nor Penny have texted me. They don't even bother to look in my direction if I cross paths with them on campus—which happens frequently with Penny because she's always at the main courtyard doing sorority advertising. If it weren't for Beth, I would have no connection to them. That'll soon end though because she's moving into the sorority with Penny and I'm moving into the house with the Misfits.

The only other person who has stood by my side is Mrs. Sanders. She calls me almost every day and if she can't call me, she texts me. She sends me morning messages encouraging to keep my head up and telling me that everything will be alright. I'm sure Vincent told her what I had done, and even if he didn't, I did tell her. I called her the day after I told Vincent and I confessed to cheating on her son. I thought...I really really thought she would send me to hell, but she's been incredibly supportive to me.