A Pearl and a Secret

7.

I woke up in a start and shot up to a seated position on my bed.  I was panting and my heart was beating a mile a minute.  I had just had that same nightmare again.

It was a little boy, me when I was younger I supposed, sitting on a chair in a big hallway.  He was tiny and the chair looked huge for his small frame.  Someone was holding his hand, but he looked terrified.  The hand slipped away and left him all alone, and I felt like I was abandoning him and woke up abruptly with a heavy feeling on my chest. 

This same nightmare woke me up a couple of times per month, but I had no idea why or what it meant.

-

"Are you heading to Sunset Special Ed?" I asked Automn.  We were on the bus and it was a Wednesday, and I
remembered she said she helped out at the school on Wednesdays. 

She looked surprised that I remembered.  "Yup," she nodded.  She opened her mouth to say something else but closed it and looked away.  Then she looked back at me and asked hesitantly, "Do you...want to come help out at the school with me? Extra volunteers are always welcome..."

She looked kind of nervous for my answer but I grinned ear-to-ear.  "Yeah! Of course I want to come," I answered enthusiastically.  "Okay.  Good," she said softly.  She started talking about Miss Claire, the main teacher and some of the kids. 

We passed by my usual stop and got off ten minutes later, right in front of Sunset Special Ed School.  It was a small building, with glass doors and a big sign with the name of the school. I could see the backyard too from here, and it was a cute fenced area with two benches and a playground.

"Come," Automn urged gently. I thought the inside of the school would be all sorts of colors, but the walls were all a simple pale beige. "It's for the autistic kids. Sensory overload, that's why the walls aren't rainbow colored or strikingly white," Automn explained, seemingly reading my thoughts.

We walked in the hallway until we reached a wooden door on the left that was heavily decorated with tiny drawings and "Miss Claire's class" written in big, messy letters.

Automn knocked and Miss Claire opened the door and gestured for us to come in with a big smile.  She was short and had fair skin, platinum blonde hair and joyous blue eyes that sparkled. 

A bunch of kids looked up excitedly at Automn and exclaimed, "Miss Tammy!!" I could tell they all loved her, and she loved them too.  An adorable little girl - Grace I assumed - walked over to us and hugged her big sister with a content, satisfied smile. 

I looked around the classroom.  There was a library with a bunch of books and two small couches in the far left corner.  In another corner, there were colourful mats and exercise balls.  The rest of the classroom consisted of neat desks in rows and the blackboard, where the class rules and daily schedule were carefully written.

In the back of the classroom, beside the library, I noticed a brown-haired boy who seemed intently focused on a book.  He looked sort of familiar...I shook the feeling off. 

After Automn's many hugs, she introduced me to the kids.  "That's Charlie, he has dyslexia, that's Grayson, he has ADHD," she said while subtly pointing each student.  "That's Grace, you know her.  And that's Benji, he's the kid that reminds me of you.  He's also on the autism spectrum," she finished while pointing the quiet little boy that had intrigued me earlier. 

I was about to go see him, but Automn pulled me by my sleeve and said, "Let's go see Grace! She's been dying to meet you." Automn's talked about me to her sister? My heart swelled at the thought.

Grace was the spitting image of Automn.  The same rich red-brown tinted hair and adorable hazel eyes, except Grace had cute glasses too.  I crouched down to be at eye level and introduced myself.  "Hi Grace, I'm Alden.  It's an honor to meet you, your sister talks a lot about you," I said softly. 

Grace kept her eyes down on her desk and looked lost in her own little world.  After a few seconds, she answered quietly, so quietly I almost didn't hear, "Hi."

Automn tilted her head and smiled. "Huh, she usually doesn't talk to strangers at all, and you got a 'hi', consider yourself lucky," she told me.

"And that, is because I am amazing," I joked. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Sure," she said, unconvinced. "I'm gonna go see, uh, Benji," I told her and she nodded in acknowledgement.

I made my way to the back of the class and pulled up a chair to sit in front of his desk, but not too close as to avoid crowding him. "Hey Benji, I'm Alden, Miss Automn's- Miss Tammy's friend," I rectified. He continued reading his book, not seeming to have heard me.

I tried again.  "What are you reading?" Silence.  He stayed focused on the book, ignoring me, so I got the hint and started putting the chair back when he surprised me and answered, "To Kill a Mockingbird.  It's my favorite book." He showed me his old and battered copy of the book, I assumed he'd read it many times before.

My eyebrows raised in surprise, why would a twelve year old be reading a book like this? I wanted to keep talking to him, so I asked, "What do you think the meaning of the mockingbird is in the novel?"

He stared blankly at me.  "There's no meaning.  It's just a mockingbird.  They're good at mimicking sounds and other bird songs," he stated matter-of-factly. 

"Hm.  That's true, but I think the whole book is evil against innocence, and the mockingbirds represent innocence.  They're only there to sing and make the world a better place, that's why Miss Maudie says it's a sin to kill them," I explained, word-vomiting my grade 10 essay on this book. 

"Actually, it was Atticus who said that," he corrected.  I thought for a second and remembered it was Atticus who said it.  "Oh yeah, you're right," I told him. 

"Hm.  I like you." That's all he said before shrugging nonchalantly and getting back to his book.  The way he said it made me feel all warm and happy. Automn chose this moment to come see us and told me, "Okay time to go."

I stared at her, surprised. "Already? Didn't we just get here?"

"It's been an hour, their school day finishes in 5 minutes or so, we should go to avoid the end of school student rush. I guess time flies when you're having fun," she said, looking between me and Benji and winked.

She was right, time does fly by when you're having fun.

Happy New Year! I wish all of you a phenomenal 2021 to make up for the shit year we've had :)