Blood Burden

« Chapter Twenty-Five »

She didn't sleep a wink. 

There was no way she ever could. 

Deikota never came back, she didn't figure she would, and that hurt worse. She wanted a chance to apologize but now she wasn't sure Deikota would listen. She didn't even know Deikota that well, aside from the time they spent together for a few hours, and even then she hadn't been open to discussing anything. She had only been here for two days now, the other four she had been unconscious. She wished she had never woken up. 

She had lost everything. 

No friends, no family, she was all alone. 

This was all just one giant nightmare that she couldn't escape. She couldn't just open her eyes and sigh with relief that it was over. She hated closing her eyes and sleeping because the nightmares could hold her captive, forcing her to watch the horror movie that was her life on repeat for an eternity. But now those nightmares began leaking into reality, into the world of when she was awake, and she was clutched in its bloody claws like a prize. 

She was haunted by the shadows in the room. It had grown pitch black in the room besides the thin line of light beneath the door. But even that would flicker occasionally when someone walked by. She felt like the shadows were alive, breathing, and waiting. Ready to dig their razor fangs into her flesh and rip all of it from her bones. 

She had pulled the blanket around her trembling form, her fingers numbing from the tight grip she maintained, but it was silly to think a blanket could protect her from anything. It just gave a false sense of security. 

As if it wasn't bad enough dealing with the demons in the dark, she also had them in her head. They were whispering, thoughts that surfaced were not her own, and she couldn't quiet them. Her body didn't feel like her own, she was prey to whatever emerged from the darkness. She pretended that she was in control but all along, she was just lying to herself. 

She felt like she was losing her mind. Eventually, as the hours ticked, she started seeing things that weren't real. Every time she blinked, flashes of blood filled her vision. She couldn't close her eyes nor could she open them as it was equally dark and her conscience grew confused between reality and that of not. Flickers of her past began materializing in the dark. Her breathing grew faster with fear and terror. She saw flashes of teeth, matted fur, and then a body. 

Dead, lifeless eyes stared at her. 

She shrieked, flinging herself out of bed to escape those eyes. She wished she had looked away when he died because now every detail was permanently etched within her brain. She would never forget any of it. They would always be there, haunting her. She was crying without even realizing it and her chest heaved with effort to fill her lungs with air. 

She was on the verge of having a panic attack and she hated how her throat tightened to constrict her air. She hoped she didn't pass out, that would only make things worse. As if her mind wasn't playing enough cruel tricks on her while she was awake, she would definitely suffer in her sleep. She stumbled over to the single window in the bedroom and focused on the world outside, anything to ground her mind to reality. 

There was no moon in the sky, as if the Moon Goddess herself was too afraid to come out, and she focused on the stars instead. Tiny, little twinkling stars, their existence was so beautiful yet so far away. Nobody could touch them, they were untainted by the impurity of the earth's inhabitants. Just ethereal beings, watching the rise and fall of every sun and moon, sometimes unseen but always there.

She just wanted to be okay.

And when the tears finally stopped, she fell.

Like an angel from heaven, her wings were ripped mercilessly from her back and burned in the fire that stole her breath. Only the charred mess would be behind, a blackness that killed all life, taking with it the light that ever existed. With it, she lost her feelings, they slipped between her clenched fists and dissipated into thin air. She didn't feel relief, or fear, or confusion, she didn't feel anything.

She thought she was numb before but this? She physically could not feel, it was more than being numb. This was something that took her soul straight from her body. Before, it was a game, trying not to feel. She would play with her emotions, showing them down and locking the box, but now as she flipped the lid wide open... there was nothing.

She felt nothing.

There was a gaping hole that was torn through her and it seemed to suck everything else into its abyss. When Fabian had died, he undeniably took a part of her with him. Her best friend was like the other half of her soul. She didn't know how to even breathe without him. She had been pretending she could but it wasn't reality. He was both the reason why she was haunted and why she was heartbroken. But none of it mattered. Not anymore.

Because now, she couldn't feel.

She lifted her fingers to the glass pane. A ghost of fog blossomed around her fingertip, letting her know the surface was cooler than her finger, but she couldn't feel it. She pressed a little harder and when she still couldn't feel, she only blinked. Drawing her hand back, she stared at her reflection. Even in the dark, she couldn't see her whole reflection, just a piece of her face, and the rest was obscured. 

And that's what she did.

She stared. 

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Oh the joy, I hate these feelings. 

I was never scared of the dark until I grew up. I think the monsters under the bed are a joke compared to the demons that can live in your head.