Blood Burden

« Chapter Four »

She was lost. 

Lost in her thoughts. Lost in the storm. Lost in a reality that just didn't seem to make sense. She knew she was losing grip on her soul, and she could not do anything to prevent it. Like tidal waves, every breath seemed to take more and more away from her. She was tired, exhausted, and worn down to the bone. 

She didn't know what she was supposed to do. Except keep her head down, avoid eye contact, and do as she's told. It was like she wasn't even a living being. Just a robot. Mechanical actions, zero emotion, and a stone for a heart. And when she wavered from that learned nature, she felt conflicted. 

When would she be able to express emotion? When would she understand herself? When would she finally be free to do as she pleased? When would her life make sense? Questions, so many questions. There were never answers. A maze of endless halls and locked doors, flickering lights and dark voices. 

Suddenly, she became aware of someone touching her shoulder, and she flinched so hard that her teeth clacked. 

"Easy, Valencia, it's just me." 

She slowly relaxed, blinking at the shadow of Fabian's face. His eyebrows were creased with concern and his lips were drawn taught. She knew he was upset and she also knew it was because of her. Of course he knew she was giving up. Every day, her soul was sinking. 

"Have you eaten today?" He asked, quietly. She shook her head, eyes downcast. "Okay," He said, "I brought some food from the hall, it will help you feel better. Alpha Drake will be leaving for a few hours for a meeting so you don't have to worry about him." 

She merely glanced at the food in the napkin. Her stomach was tight and her appetite was gone. These were the final days before her body gave up on making her live and she couldn't find it in herself to care. Death wasn't so scary, at least it would be quiet there. 

"Please, please eat," Fabian begged, moving the food closer, "I won't let you give up." 

Her lip curled slightly. It was her choice, not his. Besides, he couldn't possibly know the pain she was feeling. It was more than physical, it was emotional scarring that would never leave her heart. She was an abuse victim and that would be with her the rest of her life, even if she did want to live. Still, her face remained emotionless. Dead. 

"You're almost free." 

She blinked, free? Was he talking about death? 

"I'm getting you out of here, Val." 

Her breath shuddered and she rose her eyes to the sincerity in his. He was going to help her? 

"Y-you can't." She whispered, throat raw from disuse. 

"Yes, I can," He gripped her shoulder and suddenly, she felt grounded instead of floating in the abyss of her mind, "I don't care about my title anymore. I don't want to be the next Beta, I want to see you be happy." 

"You're sacrificing too much," She turned her head away, facing the dull wall once more, "I'm not worth it." 

His fingers gripped under her chin and she was forced to look into his eyes, "I have had enough of you like this. This is not you. Tonight, I am breaking you out of this hell and you are going to find yourself again. I don't care whether you want to or not." 

"I can't be saved." A small tear trailed down her cheek. 

"You don't need saving, Val, you just need to discover yourself." 

Her chest tightened with what she knew was emotion. After years of suppressing it, she felt something again. It was raw, painful, and it was worth feeling. She had been numb, a place where nothing made sense, but now she wanted that hope. A hope that she could be herself. No laws, no pack, no consequences. 

Just unforgivingly herself. 

She was tired of being struck down by pack members. Every time she was forced to go outside for a chore, they never missed a beat to taunt her, punch her, and abuse her. She could never do anything about it because she was too weak. Of course, her wolf strongly disagreed. If only she could let her wolf out, then they would be strong. Stronger than any wolf in the Winsor Pack. And she could defeat them. 

Somehow, the mental barrier that drew the line between her consciousness and that of her wolf's was weakened. She never realized the defense mechanisms that were in place. All this time and she had been the one holding her wolf back. She didn't really know why. But, with Fabian promising freedom, her wolf was a powerful presence in her mind. A familiar feeling that she missed so much. 

"Come on, eat." Fabian urged. 

And this time she did. A fire was growing in her soul, burning from the depths of hell, and she would do anything in her power to gain the freedom he promised. Once that hope was instilled into her broken soul, it was impossible to remove from the cracks. For once, she had something to fight for. Something to earn. 

She never realized that all she needed was for someone to never give up on her. She may have given up on herself, but Fabian never lost his faith in her. He was the only person she considered to be a friend. He was the only one who tried to look out for her. It had taken time for him to abandon his title but he finally did. There was good in him and she wanted to trust him on it. 

Suddenly, Fabian stiffened by her side. She turned her head slightly, studying him. His jaw clenched and his eyes burned with anger. Something was wrong, that much she knew. 

"What is it?" She dared to ask. 

His lips parted to respond but a howl from outside beat him to it. They both froze to listen. It was an alarming howl, alerting the pack that they were in danger. Suddenly, more howls responded. Some more menacing than others. She knew then. 

The pack was under attack. 

♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦

Well, this took longer than I expected and I apologize. 

I had my first anxiety attack and it was the worst thing I've ever experienced. It was triggered by college, of course, and the fact that my grades are not where they should be for midterm. I've been staying up till 2am to get my studying done because there is not enough time in the day. Shit is hitting the fan. For real.