Blood Burden

« Chapter Eighteen »

He laid where he had fallen. 

"No!" She cried out, morphing from wolf to human in seconds.  

Her feet ran across the distance separating them and she fell to her knees, skidding to his side. He was suddenly coughing up blood, his body convulsing briefly, and she hurriedly placed her hands on wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. Her eyes were wide, her breathing quickening. There was blood everywhere, so much blood, it seeped from the marred skin that barely remained intact on his body. Her hands couldn't cover the number of wounds. 

She began ripping pieces of material from what was left of his shirt. She tried wrapping up the wounds. Part of her knew it was no use but the other part of her was determined to save him. She couldn't stop her frantic actions. His blood was everywhere and she was panicking. Why? Why did this have to happen? 

Suddenly, his hand grabbed hers. 

Her movements ceased, her eyes zoning in on the four deep gouges that diagonally cut through the skin on his forearm. She knew what those cuts looked like. Dark red blood seeped and it felt like poison as it dripped onto her skin, infecting her with eternal pain as it was passed on.

She trembled, it felt like an eternity that her eyes had been glued to his arm but in reality, it had only been a millisecond, and she slowly made eye contact with him. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, his eyes shining with so much emotion. It was silent, a thousand words screamed in the defeating reality of their situation, and she shook her head. No, this couldn't be true, she couldn't let it happen, but she never really had control. He knew and she didn't want to accept it. 

"Fabian?" She croaked.

He sucked in a rattling breath, "Valencia...you're okay." He tried to smile but it turned into a grimace. 

"But your not!" She whimpered, "I don't k-know what to do!"  

He grunted, inhaling once more, "Promise...you'll keep...trying...to be better...for me." His eyes glistened with tears and his lip quivered, but his attention was solely focused on her. 

He was scared of death. It was the only thing he feared more than losing himself. The last thing he wanted to see was her face because he was afraid if he closed his eyes, he would forever see darkness. He didn't want that, he wanted to see her happy. And he had failed. A tear trickled from the corner of his eye.

Her hands were soaked in his blood, she was trembling, "Fabian, no! I-I can't do this without you. I n-need you to stay with me, okay, don't close your eyes. Please!"

He weakly grunted, "Promise."

She choked on a sob, tears blurring her vision, "Okay...I-I p-promise. Just d-don't leave me, okay?" She couldn't stop the blood as it left his body, his wounds were gory and seeping like a river of red, oozing between her fingertips no matter how much pressure she applied.

Fabian struggled to inhale, coughing, and a trail of blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He was drowning in his own blood, his lungs were almost full, and his breaths grew more shallow. She grasped under his head, cradling him in her lap, and she whispered incoherent things. Praying, begging, weeping. 

"I'm...sorry." He whispered.

She sobbed, her tears falling onto his cheeks, "Don't apologize, y-you're going to make it. J-just a little longer, okay? Keep b-breathing, don't close your eyes."

As if the world moved in slow motion, she watched in horror as he coughed once and then there was no inhale. His chest slowly deflated as oxygen escaped and then it never raised. Dead silence. 

"Fabian?" She said, quivering uncontrollably, "No no, please. P-please no. Fabian? Come on, wake up! Don't close your eyes! Please!"

His eyes didn't close, instead, they grew distant, grey, and lifeless. Her mouth opened but no sound left her lips. Tears cascaded down her cheeks in a river and she was frozen with shock. She had watched the very soul of the only person she trusted leave his body. She had watched him die. She couldn't even think, she couldn't move, it was as if the world itself fell away. White noise filled her ears. It felt like an eternity had passed while she stared in frozen shock at his body.

And then it all came back.

She physically felt her heart tear itself in half, cracking like thunder in the sky and shattering from the deafening agony. She felt pain that could not be described in words, it ran through her body like white hot lightning, and it aggressively ripped her soul apart from the inside out. She sobbed uncontrollably, wailing incoherent words at Fabian's lifeless body.

And then, she screamed.

She screamed so hard it violently vibrated her vocal cords, threatening to rip them like meaningless cords. Her chest ached, crushing in on itself, and her head fell back on its own accord. She screamed into the sky so that the moon would know her pain, so that everyone would know she would never forgive this. She would never recover.

She would always be broken.

Eventually, her vocal cords gave away to a hoarse croak and she couldn't even swallow from the dryness of her mouth. Her cheeks were soaked from salty, bitter tears that never stopped falling. As if the very agony inside her body was leaking out, all the broken pieces erupting and tearing her from the seams of her being.

His head still rested in her lap, his skin already growing ashen from the loss of blood. He didn't deserve this. Any of it. And it was all her fault. He was dead because of her. She didn't get there in time. She couldn't save him. Her thoughts spun dangerously, threatening to take her to the darkest depths and never let her go.

She was spiraling out of control.

Slowly, she leaned down and touched her forehead to his. Against her hot skin, she could feel the coolness of death. He really was gone. Dead. She closed her eyes but it didn't stop the tears. She would never stop crying, she couldn't. After everything she had to deal with in her life, this was the worst. The worst kind of pain, the worst kind of punishment. It would never go away and it would kill her. She wasn't strong enough to do this alone.

His last words echoed in her head.

I'm sorry. 

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I.. uh.. I'm a real mess.

This is the hardest character death I've ever written. I felt this pain like a flashback when I lost one of my best friends to suicide. It's just so real and so hard. I really debated about writing this but then I decided I had to... for myself.

I'm really sorry.