Boundless Love

Where it all Began

She places her hand in mine and we walk together side by side, down the same carriage path we've been down once before.

We enjoy the comfortable silence between us. I'm soaking in this moment, the moment I've wished for a long time. No conversation is needed, only her and I engrossed in the natural beauty of this place. I feel Charlotte's thumb rubbing light circles over mine while our hands are enfolded. I can't take my eyes off her, the way she closes her eyes and breathes in the cool air captivates me. I can't think of a time I've ever been happier, she makes me feel like my feet are barely touching the ground, floating in the air like I'm weightless.

This magnificent place looks different in the spring. The vegetation is only starting to bloom and the grass still resembles a hint of brown from the winter's snow. We're able to explore other areas of the park now that I can walk. We can explore along the cliffs and very carefully walk along the rocky shore. I pay close attention to how I plant my left foot so I don't trip. I limp with this brace and it bothers me that I can't keep a normal pace, but Charlotte never seems to mind it. All I want to do is enjoy the views of the bay with the woman I love.

We arrive at the same grassy spot where we first had lunch. I spread the blanket that I had packed across a flat area.

"This is a lot easier than when I was in my chair," I gloat.

Charlotte only nods and smiles. I take a seat down onto the blanket and pull her to sit in between my legs so she can lean her back on my chest. I brush her vanilla scented hair behind her ear and bring my face closer to her so I can gently kiss her neck. She grasps both of my hands and wraps my arms around the front of her. We sit looking out at the bay while I pull her body into mine.

"This is the place where I knew I was falling in love with you," I whisper into her ear.

She brushes her face up against my chest to look at me. "How do you know it was love?" She whispers back.

"I was so deep into the darkness when you brought me here. It was incomprehensible to me that I could be worth saving. But there you always were, pulling me out of the abyss. You held my hand and let me stroll down the path next to you, you lifted me up and sat me on the blanket with you when you could've  left me in my chair, and you kept your hold around me so that I could sit up while we ate lunch together. You made me feel human again and not someone who was just crippled," I pour out my soul to her.

She unwraps my arms from her and turns her body to face me. Water is building up in her eyes and she's holding back the tears.

"How do you know it wasn't gratitude you were feeling that day?" Her question surprises me.

"Of course I felt gratitude, but it was love that made my body shiver when you touched my hand, love that caused electricity to flicker under my skin when you wrapped your arms around me, and love that sparked laughter back into my soul. Ever since that day, you've been the air that surrounds me, the light in all my darkness and the keeper of my heart," I profess.

There it is, the waterfall gushing from her beautiful eyes. I pull her into me again and hold her tight, soaking up her tears with my shirt.

"Please don't cry, I don't know if you're happy or sad?" I tell her.

"You make me feel all of those things too, Levi. I've never felt this kind of love before," she cries out.

"Then why are you sobbing?" I ask.

Charlotte desperately tries to contain her tears and I wait for what felt like eternity for her to collect her thoughts. She turns her gaze to the water and wipes her cheeks with her shirt. Her sniffles slow to a near halt.

I can't endure the suspense any longer, I need to know. "What is really bothering you Charlotte?" Hoping she will engage with me.

She slowly turns to face me again, this time taking both my hands in hers, softly tracing my palms with the tip of her thumbs.

"It 's because of how much I love you that I need to let you go...to England and give yourself the chance to pursue that new acting role, and the chance to enjoy life the way you did before you met me."

"What if I don't want to? What if I enjoy my life here with you?"

"Since the first day you came to me, you've been determined to walk again, to prove that you can go back to doing what you did before your accident... and you did it Levi! You can't give up now, you need to give things back home another try. You owe it to your family and friends and Mark. He's expecting you to audition for the jobs he's found you."

"I don't understand! Do you want me to leave?" I blurt out. My job is the last thing on my mind at the moment. I'm newly walking again and there's so much more I need to work on. She's right and I don't want her to be this time. My goal was to get back on my feet so I can regain some of my life, but what if I have a new life now, my life can be here.

"No, of course not!...I love you, I love everything about you, you make me so happy...I just don't want you to give up on any opportunities. You came here to me so that I could help you walk again, so you could return to your life in England," she tries to convince me again.

I retract my hands from her hold and cross my arms in front of my chest. "Well things change," I huff. My life is with her now, doesn't she understand that? I'm bring a prick because I'm scared to go back.

"Yes they do, but nothing changes the way I feel about you...I'll always love you and support you, and if things don't work out at home, I'll be right here waiting for you if you'll still have me. Please promise me you'll give things back home a try," she forcefully unlocks my arms to hold my hands again. "This isn't the end for us, we'll just be farther away from each other for a little while. I believe in you Levi, and I believe in us. It will all work out."

We're both so stubborn. I can't say no to her after all she's done for me. I'm really not ready to leave her. I'm still disabled, that's not going to change. Things back home will be different, I'm different and I don't know if going back home will make me happy. Being with Charlotte every day makes me happy.

"Fine, I'll give it a go," I mumble. I don't have much of a choice knowing Mark will come all the way here and drag me onto a plane.

I know she's right, Mark is counting on me and deserves my presence since he's convinced the director to give me a shot at a new role. I owe it to my parents and my mates to return home as well, but Charlotte is my everything, she is my lifeline, just thinking about being away from her is making me panic. I haven't had a panic attack in a while, yet I feel one brewing right now.

For the past year she's been by my side through all the good and all the bad. I'm alive because of her, I'm walking again because of her, and I've found love again because of her. I don't want to live my life back home without her, even if it's only for a short time, I don't think I know how. It sounds crazy, I know! I've basically started to be able to do more things for her, to show her I can be worthy of her love and I don't want to stop. I feel like more of a man again, yet I don't know if I'll feel that way without her constant presence.

I can feel my body begin to shake from anxiety. Fortunately it's not very noticeable yet, but enough to need her comfort.

Charlotte senses that I'm upset and moves her body to sit next to me.  She holds her arm around my back, then rests her head on my shoulder. We stay together in this position, silently peering out at the sea, both alone in our thoughts.

I know she loves me and thinks she's doing what's best for me, but to me, going back feels so wrong.