PICK ME! {Book Reviews}

My Wings

Title: My Wings

Chapters: 17

Complete/incomplete: Incomplete

Mature: Yes

Trigger warnings : abuse, villain torture.

Main idea: why is there a lull in reads at starting at chapter 7?, how can I improve?,how do I write support characters better?

So first things first, the idea for Ginga's quirk is amazing! I love her backstory and that the story doesn't focus on the canon storyline of the anime. This makes pretty much everything fairly fresh and new to read. The descriptions are great, but some parts are rushed. This story has really great potential. 

There are a couple of issues that I noticed. A lot of the story switches between first and third person, oftentimes in the same sentence. This has happened to me in the past when I tried to switch a story from one to the other. The best way to handle that is to just pick which POV you plan to use and read through your story focusing on just the POV that is being used. It's time-consuming but an easy fix. 

Along with that POV issue is something I saw that is more of personal preference. In my experience, stories tend to flow better if you only change POVs at chapter separations. Or if it's absolutely necessary only change once in a chapter. Last thing with this, if it's a shorter chapter (like 1800 world or less) try and avoid a POV change. Flesh out the scene more in the current POV and then use the beginning of the next chapter to rehash it from the other character's POV. I've noticed it makes my chapters seem more dynamic and brings great focus to scenes that I want to emphasize. 

There was one major formatting issue I noticed, and that was that the dialogue is not separated from paragraphs of text. This is a common mistake when people first start writing because breaking dialogue off as separate paragraphs can make your paragraphs feel short and choppy, but I assure you if you're covering the details of the story that make the dialogue make sense, then your readers won't even notice. 

As for your lull in reads, I've noticed that this happens a lot with slow-burn books. Some people come just looking for immediate fluff and smut, and then bail when they don't see it happening fast enough for them. It's not everyone's cup of tea when it comes to fanfiction, but I love that kind of story. 

For support characters in general, don't make them too complicated or just keep a name there. Both can make them seem unrealistic. For side characters, I tend to flesh them out based on their importance in the story. I don't personally like to waste a lot of time or pages on a character that has almost no significance. 

In the case of My Wings, Hiro is an interesting character and I think definitely would be an interesting character see defined more depending on your plans for him in the story. If you plan on him being a big part of major plot points, maybe develop him a bit more. If not, he should be fine as he is. 

All in all My Wings has great potential and really just needs a couple of little fleshed out sections and fixing the POV issue. The Shoku is a great main character and I love reading her story. I look forward to the continuation of this story and will be keeping it in my personal library to keep an eye out for updates. 

-Taeha Natsuki

P.S. I may add more to this at a later date. But I wanted to get all this out as soon as I finished reading the story. It was a quick and interesting read.