PICK ME! {Book Reviews}

His Hand in the Shadows

Title: His Hand in the Shadows

Author: @ThatzHer

Status: Ongoing

Chapters: 18

Triggers: Mentions of death

Focus: Plot, flow, direction

A mixture of Harry Potter and Avatar the Last Airbender, I really like where this story is going. Fantasy stories where you can make your own world and build it from scratch are so great because they allow you to express all of the creativity you have, and I think you have a cool concept here. The elemental magic as well as the light and dark magic are really neat, and who doesn't like a coming of age story about learning to control this magic? In terms of characters, I think Ayla is a strong lead. Her backstory is compelling and I like that she is the fish out of water as the commoner in a world of aristocracy. Something I noticed throughout multiple chapters is the amount of time you dedicate to describing fight scenes, which are always a struggle for me personally so I definitely appreciated these details. Also, I can't remember which chapter it was in, but the information about the differences between light and dark magic were great. I can tell you put a lot of thought into these details!

Introducing Phina as an antagonist to Ayla was great too; It plays well into the "commoner vs. nobility" idea and adds a nice shift in the tone of the story. The readers can start to realize that not everything is all fun and games, but even though Ayla attends the best school, she isn't seen as "one of them" and it's compelling for the overall plot.

My favorite chapter that I read I think would have to be Chapter 6. I'll touch on a few things that I think could help improve the whole further down, but this chapter was where I felt you had some of your best writing and really captured the essence of the characters involved. I loved your details in this chapter about Ayla's father's death, and the subsequent way it broke the family. And we got a glimpse of what Ayla was feeling during this moment with her dad as he was dying; the emotions felt true through the words.

In terms of some of the things you wanted to have me focus on, I think you have a good story concept and I was intrigued by the book's description, but it can feel a bit slow or disjointed sometimes. Creating a world from scratch is a great talent and bravo to you, but don't forget that with that world building you need to set the stage. Provide background details about the world the characters are living in. Some of the details are there, but they are interspersed throughout (which is fine) but make sure they still connect to the events happening in the chapter. For example, there was the lockdown incident where all the students had to stay in the school for a few days. This would be a great time to discuss the warring nations and how it has caused such unrest, but I felt like this was mentioned and then never became a major issue in the chapter again.

Also, I'd love to see more development of your characters, especially since they are original characters. There are a lot of names introduced very quickly in the first chapters, and it can be a bit hard to keep them straight as well as know what their personalities are like. So I would recommend adding a bit more detail or introspective paragraphs like you do in chapter 6. What are characters thinking and feeling as they interact with others, or even as they just go about their day? I know Ayla and Zayd are meant to be romantic interests, but I feel like we don't see much of how their relationship grows/what they feel for each other. You rely a lot on dialogue I think to introduce us to characters, but this can be a little confusing at times if we don't have much information about the characters speaking.

Overall, I think you have a cool story, and I definitely saw improvements in the chapters and your writing as I continued reading. So don't despair too much, and I hope I haven't been too harsh, lol. I feel like I say this all the time, but feel free to message me on my personal account if you have questions or would like more help.

~Crimsonfred1