Knowing Me, Knowing You

Like An Angel Passing Through My Room

Regina entered the women's locker room at the same time as the majority of the cheerleaders were leaving. She smiled and greeted them all, who were just as excited to see her.

As she walked to her assigned locker, she passed Ryan, who sat on the bench and stared blankly at the lockers. It was unusual to see him without Jessica, but based on what he told her about his feelings for his best friend, Regina wondered if there might have been a falling out between the two.

After checking the rest of the locker room to make sure it was empty, Regina sat next to Ryan and didn't say anything. While she was typically great at keeping secrets and giving out advice, she wasn't the best at comforting. She didn't know what to talk to him about. Or how to begin it.

"Is this how you normally pick up girls?" Ryan smirked, finally acknowledging her. "Sit next to them in an empty locker room?"

"Only you," Regina teased as she playfully nudged his shoulder with hers. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're sitting in here alone after practice, Jessica is nowhere to be seen, and you look as though you're deep in your mind where the thoughts aren't very good. So, what happened?"

"Nothing really. Nothing I didn't see coming."

"Did you confess?"

"I almost did. But then I was cut off by Trevor before I could, and I realized she would be nothing but miserable with me. Anyone would be miserable with me."

"Now, that's just not true. Missy, you are a beautiful woman, and any man or woman or nonbinary individual would be lucky to date you. I know things didn't work out between you and Xander or you and Jessica, but it's not the end of the world. It may feel like it now, but that's just because we're hormonal teenagers who mistake lust for love every day."

Ryan blinked back his tears as he stood up and opened his locker. He knew Regina was trying to be sweet, but whenever someone now mentioned him finding someone one day, his heart felt hollow. He couldn't believe that he'd someday find someone who would accept him for everything that he was. It was impossible to imagine it.

Regina jumped up from the bench and hugged Ryan from behind. "It's okay. Really, it is. I promise you will find someone someday, and you will be happier than you ever thought you could be with either of them."

"No. I won't."

Regina spun Ryan around and pouted her lips at him. "And why not?"

"Because I'm a guy," he whispered, covering his mouth as he cried. Regina's eyes widened as she stared at him, covering her own mouth at her insensitivity to calling him a beautiful woman just a few minutes ago.

Ryan slipped to the floor, and Regina sat down across from him. "So...he and him are your pronouns?"

Ryan nodded.

"And your name."

"Ryan," he said, confused over why she was instantly accepting him.

"Okay. Great. Now, Ryan, it may seem like no one wants to be with you now, but I promise you that you are going to find someone someday who will love you for all that you are. It may feel like the end of the world now, but again, that's just high school. It's really not as dramatic or life altering as movies and TV makes it out to be. You're going to be fine."

"No. I won't. Don't you get it, Regina?" he groaned. "People like me are the butt of every joke. I'm the person who's know as a trap because I look like a hot girl but I'm not. I'm the person who people think chose to be this way because being a girl is 'too hard.' I'm the bad guy in all the shows where the protagonist realizes that I am a boy and have been leading him on. I die at the end of every movie. I never get a happy ending. No one in this stupid town is like me, so I'm all alone. People can try to understand, but no one is going to unless they're like me, and no one will try to understand, so no one will ever fall in love with me. Only Jessica knew, and we both know she would leave Trevor to make me happy, but she'd just be miserable with me instead. So don't tell me I'm going to be fine when there was never any hope for me to begin with."

Regina didn't know what to say that. What was someone supposed to say to that? Regina may have been attracted to girls, but she still a cisgender woman who didn't understand the struggles of being transgender. The best she could think of was Carter, but even then, she wasn't so depressed that she didn't think anyone could ever love her or that she didn't deserve a happy ending.

All Regina wanted to do was hug Ryan and tell him he deserved love. She wanted to make it known that he could have his happy ending, because Carter was going out with Xander. Not only would that be a bad thing to say due to her swearing to keep Carter's identity a secret until she was ready to come out, but Ryan did have some feelings for Xander, and it would be rude to rub that in his face.

That didn't stop Regina from wanting to make him feel better. Not knowing if he would have preferred it or not, she slipped off the bench and crawled up to him, cradling his head against her chest. He wrapped his arms back around her and sobbed, and she kissed the top of his head before squeezing him tighter.

"The world hasn't been very kind to you," she managed to say, keeping her pace slow as she thought while speaking aloud, "and that's not okay. You're not the bad guy, they are. And they want you to think that you don't deserve happiness, because they think you're a sinner and deserve to die. Well, those fucks can die for all I care. No one should ever make you feel as shitty as you do right now, because you are amazing."

"Yeah?" he snickered.

"So amazing!" she exclaimed. "One day, when you're out and proud, you are going to meet someone who is going to love and admire you for coming out and being exactly who you are. This person won't think twice about you being trans, because in their eyes, you are nothing shy of the perfect man for them."

He shook his head softly. "It's impossible to think like that."

"Then how about I show you," she suggested.

Ryan jumped out of her arms and shook his head frantically. "Oh, God, no, please! I'm not ready," he exclaimed.

"Oh, no, don't worry. That's not what I meant. I meant that I wanted you to read some books," she quickly corrected.

"Read some books?"

"Yeah. They're actually some of my favorites of all time. I know the library has them. I can walk you down there, and we can check them out, and then you will see that people can fall in love with transgender people."

"What books are these?"

"If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo and Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin."

"You just...memorized the authors?"

"Again, they are my favorite books." Regina stood up and pulled Ryan up with her. "Now get dressed, and let's go! I promise you, Ryan Topaz, that I will show you that someone like you can be loved."

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