Project LOKI ③

Chapter 47: Dead Men Tell No Tales III (Back to the Crime Scene)

"I don't think I have anything else to say." Jamie's eyes met mine when I tossed a glance at her through the mirror. She still looked and sounded so pissed. "I already made my case yesterday. Baka 'yang si Lorelei ang may dapat sabihin?"

Napasulyap sa akin si Alistair bago muling itinuon sa kalsada ang kanyang tingin. I had an idea on what she wanted. An apology from me.

I had two options: Pwede akong magmatigas sa kanya at ipagpilitang tama ang ginawa ko o pwede akong magpakumbaba at humingi ng sorry para ma-appease siya. Guess which of the two choices I would choose?

Sighing, I twisted in my seat to face her. "I'm sorry for not telling you about it. Nag-assume kasi ako na walang magiging problema kahit hindi ko muna sabihin sa 'yo. That's too presumptive of me. In my defense, inakala kong okay lang kasi ikaw mismo ang nagsabi sa amin tungkol sa hinala mo sa pagkamatay ng kuya mo."

"Gaano ba kahirap magbigay ng heads up?" tanong niya. "Gaano ba kahirap ang sabihin na, 'Hey, Jamie. We believe na tama ang hinala mo. It might be worth checking out'? O, 'di ba? Nagawa kong sabihin within five seconds. You could have told me as much, and I wouldn't be feeling hurt right now."

If things were only that simple, I would have done exactly as she told me. May dagdag na layer pa kasi na hindi ko muna pwedeng sabihin sa kanya. I couldn't tell her at this moment kung ano talaga ang hinala ko. Why? Because it might break her heart. It might further complicate the situation. I'd rather preserve the status quo than to drive a wedge into our relationship.

The question is: Until when? This may sound cliche, but only time could tell.

"You're right." I nodded as I spoke with an apologetic tone. "I was wrong. Again. I should have taken your feelings into consideration. I should have been more sensitive since your brother is involved here. I'm at fault."

Ayaw kong makipagtalo sa kanya. Ayaw kong makipagdebate kung bakit nasa katwiran din ang posisyon ko. Ayaw kong palakihin ang issue na 'to. Ayaw kong madagdagan pa ang iisipin namin. Sa ngayon. We would have to deal with this issue in great lengths soon.

"Do you think that's enough for me to forgive you?" Jamie asked.

I understand where she's coming from, but she should also understand my point of view. That's the only way we could have a better understanding of this situation.

"Maiintindihan ko pa kung bakit hindi basta-basta sasabihin sa akin ni Loki dear. But you?" Umirap siya sa akin. "You should know better, Lori. Mas empathetic ka kaysa sa kanya. Mas alam mo kung ano ang makasasakit sa iba at ang hindi."

"For that shortcoming, I am truly sorry." The best way to put out this fire is by acknowledging my mistake. If I'm gonna fight fire with fire, we're gonna burn together.

Naningkit ang mga mata niya sa akin. "Are you just saying sorry para mapatawad kita at makagawa ka ulit ng kasalanan? Baka ulitin mo na naman 'to sa susunod, ha?"

Was she adapting Loki's views when it comes to apologies? Kung makapagsalita siya, parang napakalaki ng kasalanan ko sa kanya. Parang nakapatay ako ng tao. "Hindi. Wala akong intensyon na gumawa ulit ng pagkakamali sa pagso-sorry ko sa 'yo."

"Apology accepted," Jamie said. Medyo nag-relax na ang kanyang mukha. "Alam kong iniisip n'yo na baka overreacting na ako rito, na napakasimple lang ng issue na 'to pero pinalalaki ko. But this is my brother we're talking about. Sensitive ako pagdating sa topic tungkol sa kanya."

How I wish I could jump in and ask her, "Did you know that your brother founded M's organization?" But I shouldn't, out of my respect for her. Not now.

I may sound submissive right now by letting her demand an apology from me (and by giving it to her), but it's for a plan that I had in mind. You think I didn't learn from all the mess that I've been into?