A long time ago, I made a book called Diary of an Autistic, but Dad was dying when I made it, so I don't touch that as often because it hurts. This book was just created for random stuff that doesn't fit in anything else I've written. It's 3:14 AM a...
I'm finally making my visual resume to get a job with my job lady, I went to Panama Bread to get a picture of me getting coffee, and we'll be playing the Sims 4 soon, the only problem is I keep getting last exceptions with WickedWhims (Yes, I have the R18 wicked woohoo mod in my game and a bunch of other rated R18 mods along with it, I may be a cinnamon roll, but I'm not innocent) even though I've fixed the error as far as I know. I'm at wits end, and ready to give up and create a new save or just uninstall and reinstall the mods. Now that I think about it, it could be RedAppleNet, AEP Pornography, or SugarLife. Wicked Perversions and Basemental Drugs have been updated, but the former 3 have yet to be updated. And I could remove my outdated PlantSim and Skeleton mods. They haven't been updated in forever, and I could remove anything I've recently downloaded. In other, better news, I've started playing Mystic Messenger (because I'm lonely and single), and I'm loving it, I heard it was based in South Korea, but regardless, this half-Korean approves. I find myself drawn to Yoosung. I think he's cute, though he has some yandere tendencies.
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Reminds me of two other boys I know and have fallen in love with: Damien the Incubi from Seduce Me The Otome and Antonio Fernández Carriedo from Hetalia.
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They all are gentle, sensitive, and sweet, love hugs and kisses, are both optimistic and depressed, are emotional, are the most likely males to cry over a tragedy and laugh over fortune and joy and become enraged and go on a rampage over an injustice, have yandere tendencies, and quite a lot of baggage. If you know all their stories and personalities, all of them have elements of me in them, but I don't love them for that reason, they're not me, they're them and they have their own stories, and I love them because they're them, yet when I look in their sad eyes, I see reflections of my own baggage and though I never went through the horrors they did, which are admittedly far worse than the tragedy that was my youth, I can relate, and I feel bad for them, and love them all the more.
I want to be the one to comfort them, and I want to tell them it gets better, even when it seems like it won't. I feel like by comforting them, I'm giving them what they and I were denied for so long in terms of our baggage. I want to make it alright for them, and be the one right thing in their world when everything else in their world is wrong. I want to take care of them, put my life on the line for them, and start a family with them. I want to give them grand romantic gestures, touch and caress every inch of them, and make love to them, pressing all of the right spots and making them squirm from bliss and pleasure while whispering words of love to them and telling them how treasured they are. I want to marry them and start a family with them, I'd be willing to have kids with them despite my fear of turning out like my mom and grandma because I know with someone like them by my side, I won't. I want to listen to all they have to say, and be the person that truly understands them and hears them. I think these are the only 3 males I'd ever date, and I'm getting sentimental over fictional male leads, lol, I'm such a dork, yet these are my most intimate desires.
I guess that's why I have such high standards when it comes to dates. I want someone like these guys, but sadly, they only exist in fiction. Also, while everyone else thinks 'first date' or 'dinner and a show', I'm thinking 'marriage potential' and 'is this someone I'd be proud to bring home to my family?'
Though, something is troubling me: WHY DO I ALWAYS FALL FOR YANDERES!? THAT'S NOT HEALTHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!? I can see why I'd fall for someone who's depressed and has a lot of baggage, as I'm depressed and have a lot of baggage, I'm slowly getting better, but there's still much I need to work on. But having someone to relate to and comfort would both help them with their baggage and help me with mine. Taking care of other people makes me feel happy and relieving the burdens of my partner would lift much of mine.
Though, my job lady assigned me some homework, to get a good sleep schedule, which I failed at for tonight, but that makes me wonder: this isn't school, is it? Not that all teachers are bad, but she's just a job coach, right? My parents didn't put me back in school without my knowledge or consent, right? If they did, I'm never trusting them again because to put me back in school without my knowledge or consent would be a huge violation of my trust, but they wouldn't do that...right?
