I WANT HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND BUT...
My name is Harney and I am the Principal on our town's Public School for Junior and Senior HS Students. I live in a floating bubble with Hans. Yes, he has a name. Being a Principal was never really my intention. I was already contented for being only a Teacher 1 and it's Hans who motivated me to be that way. He promised me that he will help me and said, I always got his back that he really did.
So now, here I am, governing the whole School. Giving commands, rules and you can see what I'm doing is absolutely a Principal's work.
"If someone tells bad things about you,
don't worry lady, I would say nothing because for me, you still looks perfect. Good morning have a great day ahead, beautiful!"
Big curve formed at the edge of my lips as I read the message that was written on a piece of paper. I knew that it was came from him, Hans, again.
Every morning nakakatanggap ako ng mga ganitong mensahe sa kaniya kaya naman walang araw na hindi ako gumigising ng walang ngiti sa labi.
All I can say is I am very lucky to have him in my life, kung hindi ko siguro siya nakita noong gabing ako'y nasa bukid sa probinsya habang humihiling sa mga bituin ng isang suwerte, wala ako sa kung ano ako ngayon at siguro nahihirapan pa rin ako sa trabaho ko.
Since then, nagsama na kami. And yes, we live in the same roof together. Magmula noong umpisa hanggang ngayon, he never changed. Parati niya pa rin akong sinusulatan, paggising ko and even pag tutulog na ako na ginagamitan niya ng kakaibang metapora para lang mailarawan ako. He's so poetic and that's make me fall for him.
"How lucky I am,
seeing your face that can make someone feel focused on it,
every details are great drops of golden dew,
your whole physique was flower swaying:
dancing with grace and passion,
I who was on my bended knees.
Good night. Have a sweet dreams, beautiful."
It reads.
Here he go again, Hans' wrote me a poem for a good night. I just smiled and put down back the piece of paper on my table beside Hans.
"Thank you Hans, good night."
I went on my bed right after that, but something's bothering me. I can't sleep.
Why is Hans like that? Does he like me? Why don't he just court me instead? Ilang taon na rin kaming magkasama at dahil sa ginagawa niya hindi ko maiwasang mahalin siya. Lagi siyang nasa tabi ko, sa tuwing nahihirapan ako sa paper works ko makikita kong siya ang gumagawa at tumatapos, he even helped me on my exams, honestly because of him ang dating masipag na ako ay nagpapakampante na lang ngayon dahil alam ko, nandiyan siya. And by that, umaasa akong mahal niya rin ako.
The morning comes, bumungad na naman ang tulang sinulat ni Hans para sa'kin. Sa pagkakataong iyon, alam kong ito na ang perfect timing para sabihin ang sinisigaw ng puso ko. I want him to be officially mine, as my special someone.
Nagsimula akong gumuhit ng mga letra sa isang papel.
"Be my boyfriend. I love you, Hans. Mahal mo rin ako diba?"
Matapos niyang mabasa 'yon ay nagsulat ulit siya sa papel.
"No!"
It reads.
I suddenly felt my eyes tearing up. My heart beating quickly.
I bit my lower lips soon as I wrote another word for a response.
"Why?"
"I am born only to be your ballpen and not to be your boyfriend. To give luck and not to give love that you want."
It reads and I suddenly froze.
I want him to be my boyfriend but oh! I almost forgot, he's just a ballpen.
There, I burst out in tears and the next day happened, I just found myself in the mental hospital, because I told everyone that I love Hans— my ballpen, they said, I must be crazy.
I've lost my mind. And this is really the most painful thing— losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much.
