𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗕𝗲 𝗔𝗹𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 🤍

•𝗡𝗲𝘄𝗹𝘆𝘄𝗲𝗱𝘀•

•☘️•

Nikki's POV, February 1988

Tommy and I had been married about a month and it had been a fucking amazing- we got back from our honeymoon last week and it was a great couple of weeks to get away from everything and focus on eachother and River.

I'm not going into detail in erm- that department. But, we certainly made the most of being newlyweds.

Tommy and I went out to dinner almost every night taking River with us of course because we weren't gonna leave her alone, were we?

Tommy and I took River to the beach on second to last day of our honeymoon and Tommy and I had ice cream although most of it ended up on eachother rather than in our mouths- we watched as River messed around with the sand with Tommy building sandcastles with her which made her smile and my heart warm watching them together and both of us taking her into the sea splashing one another we didn't go overboard with the splashing like we both wanted too but hey, there's always L.A for that.

River was doing a lot of yelling recently, she didn't yell words, it was just gibberish but it was another sign she was going to start talking soon and she was standing up for longer- maybe she'll walk and talk on the same day, could you imagine that? It would be a story to tell for sure.

In other news, I had began therapy sessions, they were twice a week, Tommy joined me for one and I went alone for the other- they discussed my mental health and my childhood, my addiction and everything else in between advising me and helping me deal with my emotions.

I've also got back in contact with Camilla, I spoke to her during my addiction but I wasn't all there, she noticed this and tried to talk to me but I wouldn't have it- I always ended out yelling at her and slamming the phone down. Tommy told he did ring her a few times when he left me for advice on looking after River alone- she knew everything that happened, I told her all the things I'd done and when I saw her the other week for the first time in months I broke down in her arms apologising to her for pushing her away when she only wanted to help.

Camilla forgave me as easily as Tommy did, I didn't deserve the forgiveness I've received but I suppose Tommy's right, although I almost hurt River- I didn't... and the person who spoke to Camilla wasn't me it was my addiction ridden alter ego I've since dubbed Sikki Nixx.

Life was just more normal now, mostly back to how it was before any of this- it was welcomed, just the domestic atmosphere. Tommy's treating me as he did before, he's acting like non of the last year ever happened, I'm thankful for it but also kinda hate that what I did has been left in the past- how can he get over what I did? How I treated him? How I lied to him?

How can he get over what happened when I can't get over it matter how hard I try?

Guess that's what my therapy's for.

My depression is still around, it hadn't just vanished but it was so much fucking better than it was, the only reason I gave into drugs was because I was overwhelmed and afraid- the drugs amplified the depression so now I'm off the drugs and the fear has gone it was easier to climb out of the hole I was in. It will take time and it's going to take years for me to properly get over everything but it's a start.

Right now, I was in the kitchen washing up from this morning having the radio play in the background while Tommy was in the living room watching some shitty crime programme on TV.